Grace

I am pregnant again, and this time I am sure I am due to have a boy. Dr. Morris says the head is big, the baby generally quite large ,so - here comes my third son....But...No...God has given us another little girl. Well, that is quite lovely, too. We will call her Grace Elizabeth. Grace because it is a nice name, plus we have become familiar with it in the "Little House" books, Elizabeth after Aunt Liz...All is well.

While still tiny, Grace is baptized by Mike Goheen. An interesting woman has recently called me to become acquainted with me and obtain friends for her son. I ask her to come to the baptism in order to get to know our family. I meet her while walking into the church. And thus begins my friendship with Nancy Pearcey - a rich one I am still enjoying. She is one of many people we have over after the service to celebrate the birth of our new daughter. We are cutting- edge in the entertainment we provide the children: we rent a movie screen, projector, and film from the local library. It is cumbersome, but keeps the children happy -and quiet- in the boys' basement room. And our event is a success, although Grace doesn't know it!

Grace is well-loved by the many big and little moms and dads that fill her life. There is always a hand to steady her, arms to hold her, laps to receive her...And she takes full advantage of them all. She is trusting and affectionate...our little Gracie - Face: Baby Grace, You've got the cutest little baby face. No one else could ever take your place. Baby Grace. Baby Grace...

After our return from Scotland, we settle into Ancaster. Grace is now old enough to branch out and make her own friends, and she does. She and Tanya are Bambi and Faline - by the hour, by the day, by any amount of time they can find. Tanya moves away and Nicole takes her place. She and Nicole play Barbies, animals, insect hunt - are always busy with imaginative play - again, by the hour, by the day, with any amount of time they can find. And they become sisters with interchangeable families. Then....Ashley arrives on the scene. And she will not take second place to anyone. In she squeezes and becomes sister number three in their trio. She is not sedate and demure like Nicole. No. And she brings out the naughtiness in Grace. Watch out! What are they doing now? Where are they?...And I often kiss an extra girl or two goodnight. Where we go, they go...To church, to the market, to the cottage...They become indispensable parts of our family...And then come Ashley and Alicia, Emily and Rachel...And so on...

Which illustrates Grace's greatest gift. She loves people well. She rejoices when they rejoice and mourns when they mourn. She observes and shrewdly understands, but always with grace and forgiveness. And many turn to her for sympathy, understanding and wisdom - which she gives fully and freely...

Is she stubborn? Yes. Can we butt heads? Yes. We have and we probably always well. But Grace, I love you and appreciate the fine, generous, and noble woman you have become. My life, like that of so many others, has been enriched by your compassion, common-sense wisdom, and humour. I am so glad that God decided, twenty-three years ago, that we needed a third daughter! And I can't wait to meet your own little one, our beloved tenth grandchild, in due time!

Off Again

I was up bright and early again to be off to Tom and Jeannette's by 7:30, or so. I hope to go from there to Maryanne's for the night so I can see her children tomorrow, then be back here for midweek study...Spent yesterday cleaning and organizing for Christmas company and dealing with interminable paper work. I hope all bureaucracy terminates with the new Heavens and the new earth! In any case, all is in order for the time being....Have been having alot of fun with Face Book...So much fun to see vignettes of different peoples' lives!...Dad went to the counseling center Sunday night, so has now submitted a formal application. Keep it in prayer...(As though you wouldn't!)...So, just a note in haste....

Friday

Off to Tom and Jeannette's, with a live nativity tonight, virtually in our front yard!!! Looking forward to meeting local people ...Anne Fisher phoned yesterday and they hope to be through next Saturday evening. Hooray! What faithful friends they have been over the many years we have known them!...Anne said their son, Nick, really wants to move here and invest in the US to support it. I said to contact Henry Paulson and he would gladly take whatever Nick has!...A couple of notes from yesterday: I went to a mall area here in town to finish my Christmas shopping - not much to complete as most done well before...But how strange to have so many stores available...Am not used to that anymore....I had to take back routes, with Dad on the phone directing me as there was an accident on the direct route - part of the cost in living near a major US artery! Also, at the Bible Study on Wednesday, Dad talked at length with one of Justin's friends. He is soon moving to Las Vegas to start a mission church, and was wondering if Dad wanted to apply for his job - part time phone counseling with young people - in the evenings. Do keep this in prayer. Off to breakfast and my lengthy commute!

1 Peter

I have begun to read 1 Peter - an epistle I do not read as often as others. What a gem it is! In just the first few sentences he had my mind and heart welling up with such thankfulness because:

God's own power guards me, through faith. I am not my own. I have been bought with a price. No more is my faith my own,, but a gift renewed over and over. Therefore it is and will be sufficient to carry me through life and to Him.

My trials are necessary, not fortuitous. My particular trials in my particular life. All of them. And God brings them only if they are necessary.

Trials are grievous. Mine certainly are. They hurt, alot. They would not be trials if they didn't.

My trials are tests. Think school tests. They show whether or not you have learned something well. What do they test? The reality, the genuineness of my faith. And what is faith? Believing that what God says is true. Do I? Do I not? I can see for myself as God tests me


What happens with gold that is tested in the fire? It survives, but ultimately perishes anyway. What about me? I will not perish. In Christ, my faith will be found genuine and all deficiencies filled up by Him.

To His praise and glory and honor...

What was that?

Dad and I had just gone to bed last night, when I heard a sound I didn't recognize. What's that?, I asked. Rain, said Dad...Oh, I remember that...Barely. We have had more rain since moving here ten days ago than we had in the several previous years, I think. How wonderful. I love the mellowness of rain, so have enjoyed the change...With the rain, though, came thunder and lightening. I like storms, as well - but not at three o'clock in the morning! That was the last of my sleep for the night...So I got up and read my latest missionary story - on the Lisu, who straddle the border between China and Burma - were converted by the thousands at the beginning of the twentieth century...One interesting thing the missionary involved noted was that he could not pressure the people to come to faith. They were so childlike,cajoling disturbed them too much. Thus, while wanting their conversion more than anything, he had to assume an air on nonchalance...In any case, the book wiled away a couple of hours.

My day has progressed slowly because of fatigue, but did get plum puddings made. I do love them above all other Christmas baked goods. Then walked in the neighborhood, vacuumed the church, and quickly went to Andrew's to drop him a couple of things. On the way home, I stopped at the local cheapy supermarket, Save - a Lot...Actually quite expensive. It was an interesting cultural experience - seeing person after person, overweight, leaving with expensive , prepared "food" items with no nutritional or aesthetic qualities. Wow! I came home and began my vegetarian chili, feeling very thankful for real ingredients.

This evening, we have mid-week church. Justin has to do sound preparation after the meeting, so Grace will come over and help me with the Christmas tree. Andrew opted to go to his own group for singles at New City. Good for him!

Tomorrow I will hang around here and try to finish the last odds and ends of shopping - got a $10 gift certificate for JC Penny toward any purchase $10 of more. Eat you heart out, Maryanne! Adieu, all!

December 7th

The end of another Lord's Day, and it has been a good one...I can't describe how lovely it is to again be part of a local body of believers that we trust, and who share our high view of Scripture...Truly like water to thirsty people. Wayne and Catherine, pastor and wife, have just left after coming to tour through our wee domicile here...So,more about that....

I have ended up decorating the main rooms myself and must say they look great - the "feel" is very cottagey, like Chaffey's to me, so very comfortable...We have made two central rooms- one should be a dining room - into sitting areas which flow into each other ...pleasing visually as you enter the house. Maryanne and Grace transformed the quaint little attic room into a charming playroom for kids as a birthday gift to me...Have the computer there, as well, so is a cozy and bright space to spend time in...Kitchen is natively unattractive, but well disguised so perfectly acceptable...Bedrooms continue to need work so will be my next project...The space here is limited, but every inch is usable -a pleasant and interesting change from previous homes...

Now that we are more or less settled, I would like to go out into the community and try to meet neighbours. This is a sketchy neighbourhood so would have an interesting diversity of people, most certainly in need of the Gospel....I may just bang on a few doors and introduce myself.

Have been skimming through a book on Reagan that David (of David and Ellen) gave me...Interesting...did not know he almost died when shot as president. Apparently, Russian ships were not far off the coast of the USA and was considered unwise to give out compromising information...Weren;t sure whether assassination attempt was part of a conspiracy, or not, and - if so - who was involved....Hw was perfectly lucid most of the time and kept joking with all about him....Another little fact - apparently he had a photographic memory and was an absolute encyclopedia of knowledge about just about everything...

In any case, my little post for now before I head to bed...

Thursday

Dad and I were at the little house yesterday and did more cleaning, polishing, painting...Always amazing how much TLC even a small space can absorb! We got home late last evening with Andrew. We will go together to Maryanne's this afternoon for dinner, then Andrew will help with moving chores over the next couple of days...

As mentioned, Dad, Andrew and I plus Grace and Justin, Neil and Melissa will celebrate Thanksgiving with Maryanne and family this afternoon and evening. We women will, of course, share the cooking...I know a good time will be had by all, but ALWAYS miss those of you not here.

SOme wonderful news - Tom has really worked the past few weeks to make his medical practice more profitable and has seen instant results; therefore, they can continue to have me work with the children in December, and will evaluate from there on a monthly basis - sounds promising! Other wonderful news I got yesterday is that Tim and Aileen will be here for March break! Hooray! WIll see Rick, Susanna and family in December, the others in March - Now, how to get you all here at the same time!

You know what I am most thankful for today - after God Himself, of course - all of you!

Tuesday

Dad and I went up to Chattanooga as early as possible yesterday in order to do some cleaning and painting. As usual, we entirely underestimated the amount of time all would take - so we have not finished, but do have a good start...The three main living spaces - living room, dining room and kitchen are pretty much ready to go. Tomorrow, we attack the bedrooms and will try to organize cupboards...On the way home, we stopped and had dinner with Grace and Justin...Thanks!!!...

Today, I babysat the Ryan children, as usual. Poor, pregnant Jeannette had suffered food poisoning as a result of jambalaya eaten two nights before, but managed some sushi today - her comfort food from childhood! I read with the younger children all morning, then took them all to the library this afternoon. While there, I picked up two films - entirely unalike. One is the Jimmy Stewart movie everyone in the world except me has seen - It's A Wonderful Life. The other is The Rape of Nanking...Dad and I watched that earlier this evening. Every word in it is original documentation - either from diaries or interviews with survivors...As the Japanese invaded in 1937, a core of German and American people determined they would form a safety zone. Even though permission was denied, they carved out a two-square mile zone and manned it....Some of them, and probably most of them, were missionaries who refused to leave the city, even when told to by their embassies....One was named Minnie Vautrin, an American woman who headed a girls' school. She seemed fearless, protecting her girls from the rampant and often deadly rape that was taking place all over the city, as best she could. A few years later, she was invalided home with nervous exhaustion and ended up taking her own life shortly after that - just couldn't live with the memories and her own sense of failure at not having protected everyone perfectly. There is a martyr of a different order. A martyr nonetheless!...Older people shared their memories - the men weeping more than the women. I wonder if that is because they were not able to protect their loved ones - even though they were just boys, and couldn't...The saddest tales I have ever heard. Still, that small group of committed people managed to save over 200,000 lives - equal to the number taken by the Japanese...Both a terrifying indictment of human nature and an amazing testimony to the courage and beauty of God's people.

Isaiah

I do love Isaiah...

"And a highway shall be there,
And it shall be called the Way of HOliness;
the unclean shall not pass over it.
It shall belong to those who walk on the way;
even if they are fools , they shall not go astray..."

Doesn't that sound like a promise just perfect for you and for me? For fools?...I have been reading another biography by Hudson Taylor and have been interested to see that in much of his early life he was bothered by thoughts of how his own sin - foolishness!-might hinder God's work. If it did, where would we be?

Semper Eadem

Do you remember the passage in Chiniquy in which he describes the priest coming to his mother, and taking her only cow-the family wealth- to pay for masses for her husband? Well, a passage from an old biography of John Bunyan, in which he is speaker. He is referring to the time when parliament was raising troops to fight against the oppressive government of Charles I - determined to roll back traditional freedoms and re-instate Catholicism. In the meantime Charles favored high Anglicanism, which was proto-Catholic:

"Though I was but sixteen, I had heard enough to make me eager to strike against the tyrants that had trodden us down. My mother's sister, Rose, had her house stripped from cellar to garret because she went to the funeral of a man excommunicated for not paying church rate; and her sister, a poor widow, while carrying a skellet full of milk, given her for her sick children, had the milk thrown away and the skellet taken from her by the bishop's men!...Right glad I was to serve at Newport Pagnell, under stout Sir Samuel Luke, a man who could fight and pray, too..."

Rick, take note...

In other news, Dad and I will go to Chattanooga again today - he, to look for work and I to have a good look through the little house and see what must be done to make it ready for move-in...Can't imagine there will be too much...Remember to pray for Grace as she has surgery today.

Rents

Time to collect the rent and off we go...You go to Randy's, John, and I will go to Eleanor and Dan. OK...Knock, knock, knock...Hi, Barbara, sorry I didn't hear you the first time. I was just making the boys a tuna sandwich...Hi, Dan, Where's Eleanor?...She was called to work this morning and won't be home until five....Did she go to see the state representative about your tax situation?...I don't know. Phone her at six....Alright...Here is your rent. It is only $175 today because Donald did not pay his child support for PJ yet, and I was cut two hours of work this week...I am going to get my taxes shifted around next week so that I get to keep more of my check. I only get $226 per week. With this amount, the boys have lost Medicaid so I am going to claim them in a new way so I can keep more of my money and then get them medical insurance for $70 per week. Anyway, I will have the last $25 by Tuesday, or I will give you $225 next week...(OK, Barbara, control yourself. He will have it and you will be able to pay the electric bill by the end of the week.)...COme on in and look at the new books I have. See if there are any you would like...So, Dan, you are really supposed to be destroying all these books, except for a few you are allowed to rescue?...Yes, we cut off the covers and shred them. I want to collect as many as possible to sell at the flea market. I found one Bible almost one hundred years old and Eleanor has taken that. There are other Bibles, too, but I won't sell God's Word. Those I just give away.I went to the flea market last Saturday but one of my front tires burst so I didn't make any money there...Too bad, Dan. Well, I think I will take this biography of Madame Curie. Thanks! I had better go now. Bye! ...Oh, by the way, do you have Jack's check, as well? No, he hasn't received his unemployment check yet, so will pay you on Monday or Tuesday, whenever it comes in...Alright.(He will)...

John, did you get Randy's check? Good. I will go to Elizabeth's house and see whether she has the twenty-five dollars she owes us from last week, an amount she asked us to let her withhold to buy a sofa to furnish her living room...Knock, knock, knock...Hi, Elizabeth. I have come to collect the rent you still owe us...Oh, I told your husband I would give it to you when I pay my next month's rent...I peek in. She does, indeed, have a sofa to lie on, and someone has given her a black and white tv. She is watching cartoons....I feel so bad today...How is your blood sugar? Is your diabetes acting up?...I don't know. I can't afford the strips to test it. I just take my pill each day...Are you lonely, Elizabeth? You look depressed...I'm not really depressed, I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't have gas to go anywhere...Well, bye, Elizabeth. I will be by next week to get the rest of the money. If you don't have it, we will have to collect it for sure the next week, when your disability check comes in...Alright...

Now I will go to Tony's house. I wonder if he has been able to find a job yet...Knock knock knock...Hi, Tony. What is happening?...I am flat out of money. I have gone to all the agencies in town and noone is hiring. I will have to take out a loan from H and R Block. I have done that before. I went into town this morning, but their office was closed. They will be there again Tuesday, so I will give you the rent then....Is this frightening for you, Tony?...No, it is not frightening. I have been here before. But it is stressful. I just hope I can get to town. My car is almost out of gas...But you have food?...Oh, yes. And I can get food stamps...Alright, bye Tony...

And these are all people-at least the healthy ones- who want to work. Many don't, but they do. They were not looking for handouts from us, just stating the facts...What a horrible thing poverty is.

The Flute in the Valley Below

Another of Grandfather's poems. I imagine it was written for Grandmother!

The flute in the valley below
O Love, it is pleading for me,
The low, liquid airs as they flow,
Are telling my yearning for thee.
For my lips they are stricken and dumb,
When thy soul-piercing beauty I see.

The whip-poor-will calls from the wood,
Where the gloom and the grey shadow lies,
He knew how entranced I stood,
As I looked in the depths of your eyes;
And his song is the song of my heart,
But the song on my lips ever dies.

The wind from the covert has stept,
In the leaf-latticed moonlight has strayed,
While old serenades that have slept
On the deep strings of night, sweep the glade,
And my soul it re-echoes the strain,
But my lips - Ah, my lips are afraid.

The flute now is laid on the sill,
The whip-poor-will sleeps on the bough,
The wind in the maples is still,-
The curls lying calm on thy brow;
O girl of the wondrous grey eyes,
Let me sing, - let me sing to thee now!

Sovereignty

I was reading Isaiah this morning and came to the passage: " He will raise a signal for nations afar off, and whistle for them from the ends of the earth" This is a passage referring to God's calling of the Assyrians to invade Israel and bring down His judgment on it...I was visiting Nancy awhile back - stayed overnight with her in her hotel room before she gave the commencement speech at Covenant the next day...Funny Nancy! It is fun getting to know someone all over again ofter years apart. Either she has changed, or there are certain elements of her personality I had forgotten. All night long she was acting things out as she told me of them -gestures, voices - mostly personal things from her childhood. In any case, we somehow got talking about this passage. She said, "Just think about it. This is what God does." And she put her fingers in her mouth as if to whistle, and imperiously motioned to the invisible players to get into position - just as a coach does to his team...I have never forgotten her picture, nor will I...The sovereignty of our great God...

What Do You MEan By...

I was reading Isaiah this morning and was struck by the verse where God asks His people, What do you mean by crushing my people, by grinding the face of the poor?...I was amazed yet again by God's perfect assumption that He owns ALL, and our accountability to Him because of this. How terrifying to stand before God one day, to have Him look you in the face, and begin to ask questions: What did you mean by, why did you, what made you....etc....Horrible! Questions with no (good) answer. I wonder if that is why we will be speechless on that great and terrible day...Perhaps no accusations, just questions...At least for the world. Thank God for the Mediator who will be between me and Him, displaying the wounded hands, feet and side as the ONLY answer that is, that will be, acceptable...

Finally! Odds and Ends

What do you think I got in the mail today? A new Bible! RC Sproule offered a Study Bible for any amount at all, a Reformation Day special, so I took him up on it...Dad is cautioning me not to vandalize it the way I did my old one, but I can't imagine not writing in it...Perhaps I will just use it at church and continue to read my old one for day to day study...I can't think without a pen in my hand! We will see!

I also made the discovery today that there is a beautiful park, with a swimming pond and walking trails, exactly two minutes away from our home! Dad and I had a lovely half-hour roaming there this afternoon...Found it as is where the voting will take place tomorrow...So sorry we didn't find it sooner!

We went to Grace and Justin's church yesterday and really enjoyed it...Returned for the evening service and raided the library - old books from a school library which they want to get rid of - many from the forties, fifties. I brought a few home to read to Jeannette's kids, and eventually, my grandchildren. I was amazed to see how many of them Mom had for us as children. We were bathed in the best children's books form infancy!

Dad, Andrew and I met up with Alicia for awhile yesterday afternoon - walked around in downtown Chattanooga, sat and watched children play in the fountain, then visited the art gallery - free the first Sunday of each month! As we walked out, there was an a capella black group singing by the bridge - buskers, I guess...Love any Gospel/spiritual music, so listened to them for awhile... A pleasant Sunday, with church as bookend on either side of the day!

Dad and I enjoyed our trip to Tuskegee last week...Was amazed at the size of the campus - 2300 acres plus, originally much used for agriculture....Ideal to be as self-sufficient as possible, and largely succeeded! Reread Booker T Washington's book, Up From Slavery, which I bought at the museum there...Great, farsighted man!

And so end my few little odds and ends - will try to get back into the swing of blogging after such a long time away!

Susanna

Another precious baby girl. This one we did not plan. When she asks me later in life if she was a mistake, I say, no you were a wonderful surprise. And she was....Aunt Liz and Uncle Donnie come to visit and Uncle Donnie takes her in his arms and sings O Susanna as only Uncle Donnie can. Grandma insists that she have a new dress for her baptism, and pays for the lunch we have at the church afterward. She is her father's "Lily", all innocence. Our second daughter is most welcome. We now have the "millionaire's family" and we feel most blessed.

At several weeks of age, Daddy puts her into a high chair, laughing at the way she droops. Then, all of a sudden - Oh No!!! - she slips out from under the tray onto the floor. Awful! Horrible! I phone my pediatrician and ask her what to do...Bring her in, just to check that she has not fractured her skull. No, God, please. She is placed on the table to be x-rayed. Right beside her is her Raggedy Ann doll that Grandma has bought her. It is her chief comfort. She looks at the oversized eyes and gurgles and goos. Thank-you, Raggedy! And, wonderful news, she is fine...

When Susanna is seven months old, we move to a larger home. There, she is adopted by Rachel, one of the children's friends. Her first steps are taken into a delighted Rachel's arms...She grows into a dreamy and imaginative little girl. Her perspective on things is always fresh and unique...Her self-expression is delightful....Mommy, when you do that, you hurt my failings...I don't believe that Bible story. No one could sneeze seven times....You funny little Susanna!

Off she goes to school and becomes part of the smart kids' crowd...Such wonderful friends - Emily, Deanna, Jentine...and when a dark side begins to evidence itself in her social circle, she sees it and identifies it immediately. She sees things with a frightening clarity, and always calls a spade a spade. Take me or leave me. This is who I am.

In adolescence she is torn. Who am I? Am I a romantic, or am I the girl who sees it like it is and tells it like it is? And for a time she is torn. What? Who? A trip to L'Abri compounds the problem...May the ghost of Francis Schaeffer haunt you all!...And there are a few rough years. But God works. And a wonderful young man comes into her life. They break our hearts by moving to New York. But God knows what is best.

And Susanna becomes the young woman that now richly blesses others. She loves many, listening, compassionating and offering solid advice. She thinks and ponders and writes. She continues to see with that unwavering eye, but there is rich grace and mercy in her responses. She loves her Saviour, her husband and her children with all her heart. Susanna, I love you and am proud that you are my daughter.

THE Catch

I realize I am several decades behind in being excited about this ,but...While I was at Tom and Jeannette's, Timmy wanted to look through some baseball books with me, so we decided on one recounting greatest moments in World Series games. The last entry was the most famous - that is, Willie May's CATCH. I had never heard of it before...A fielder who sees a baseball being slammed, turns his back to the ball and home plate, runs with all his might toward the back wall of the stadium, and -WITHOUT EVER TURNING AROUND-sticks up his glove and catches the ball as it comes from behind...What blows my mind is that, from the moment he saw the initial trajectory, he KNEW where, in that vast field, the ball was going to land!!!And when!!! Amazing!

Odds and Ends

I had an interesting talk with Anna last week while visiting at their place. Her closest friend had been told she could not play with her for a week as Anna had been so vocal about her faith with this little girl. I asked, Does that hurt your feelings, Anna?....Yes....People don't like to hear about God, Anna. He tells them about their sin and they don't want to believe they are sinners. It makes them angry....Well, if they are angry, then they are sinning....Out of the mouths of babes.

Randy Nabors, the pastor of New City, preached on legalism last week. In doing so, he touched briefly on the nature of the Sabbath and Sabbath Day observance. He feels the basic principle behind the Sabbath is "justice" - that God's primary purpose in instituting the day was to see that people were not worked beyond what is "just". I certainly can agree that it was God's merciful provision to protect people from both oppressors and even their own desires to work endlessly, but still feel it is, positively, to promote rest....The Lord's Day is the day to take time to contemplate the realities behind day to day existence. I have never appreciated that fact the way I do now, with our present way of life. It is a spiritual rest, restoring grandeur and dignity to ordinariness, as our minds are renewed.

Getting back to what Randy said, though, I do appreciate his perspective. He is not liberal, theologically, nor am I - obviously...But I can see why so many professing Christians who become involved with the poor do go in liberal direction politically (then can translate into theological liberalism, I guess)...It interested me greatly to read that Schaeffer, after one summer working in a factory, was tempted to become a labor organizer...And so on to David and Ellen. As you know, he was, entirely illegitimately, denied unemployment after paying into it for eight years. Simply would not give it to him, end of story. Then there was the problem of his identity theft - different illegals using his social security number, so he has paid taxes for several years for different people, eventually had his own wages garnished to begin to pay these back taxes. A year later,, after submitting all proper documents to the IRS, he has not received a cent back - for taxes paid for others, or for the wages unjustly taken from him. Last week, he received a letter from the state saying they would not allow his case to proceed unless he can provide them with proof of criminal conviction in his case, including names of the perpetrators...Sure...They have disappeared into the illegal immigrant netherworld; no one is interested in pursuing them. In other words, he will never see that money, either. Their own government is systematically destroying them.

Have been reading David McCullough's book on the building of the Brooklyn Bridge - liberated it from your order, Tim...He outlines there what he did, as well, in his book on Truman - that each city was - presumably still is - run by crime "bosses", who absolutely control policy in that area. Most important areas seem to be public projects - can control contracts, expenditures - always delaying progress, inflating costs to scoop off myriads of dollars. One Brooklyn building, City Hall I believe it was, began with a projected cost of one-quarter million - ended up being thirteen million...Democrats were worse than Republicans...Interesting that, even now, I don't think there is a major city run by Republicans...

On a personal note, continue to pray that I will sleep. I am one tired Mama!

Today

Last night, unfortunately, was in keeping with my recent sleep-pattern....ie.next to nothing. However, I am determined to become more interventionist and try to control this thing! A couple of nights ago, about 2AM, I ordered an Amazon book on insomnia - wondered as I did so, how many are ordered in desperation that time of the morning...In any case, I pulled myself out of bed at 6AM , got dressed,then phoned both of our senators at their various offices to protest the bailout plan..."I am shocked and appalled" etc...! For what that is worth! I must say the staffers sounded a little shell-shocked - understandable with sentiment of populace being roughly 95% opposed!

I then dragged Dad out for a long walk in the country. We went several miles in truly beautiful countryside - were passed by cyclists, a John Deere tractor or two, and not too much else. The vistas are lovely, but my favorite part of the walk is when we come to a field where several horned cattle are pastured. The bull is always close to the road and eyes us questioningly as we trot by...Every time I see him, I feel we have gone back in time...(Cows actually are - or should be- horned creatures, and were, I imagine, until fairly recently)...

Back home and made several loaves of bread - something I have been doing recently after many years of neglect. Can't be beat and costs perhaps 75 cents per loaf...

As I work I am always aware of what is going on outside. Across the street, in an empty lot, carnival workers are setting up a midway for this weekend's fall festival. It is interesting to see this little slice of life - men who travel with the fair, essentially North American gypsies. All is now set to go, so where there is normally dead space all will be full of life and energy for three days. Fun to watch, from our front row seat vantage point! My question now is, shall I let cars park on our side lawn for $5 a piece....would be easy money if I am willing to stick around!

And so the evening has come. I will tidy up, perhaps watch an episode of a British drama - or perhaps not!- and try to be in bed by ten, at the latest. May I not be woken by Mary Mental tomorrow!

What!?

I thank you so much, my children, for prayer regarding sleep. Last night I got a solid six hours - through four thirty - then was restless. I got up for a few minutes and returned to bed. I slept intermittently until six thirty....Do you know what woke me up? I heard loudly and clearly, Mary Mental (Do you all remember her?) shouting "Peanut butter and Chex"!!!!... in that same voice she always used...

Choices

God, grant me a Christian mind. Give me eyes that see, ears that hear, and a heart that understands...As a Christian I have been granted the option of choosing the good. As a non-Christian, in the fullest and deepest sense, I did not have that. Now I do. There are two doors open to me. To believe what God says is true and operate according to that, or to believe that what God says is not true, and operate according to that...Today, right now, I can stick my faith to the sticking point, or not. Will I sheerly , through an ACT OF WILL pin my mind to what is right? More to the point, because of the KNOWLEDGE I have of God and His ways, will I pin my mind to what is right? I know He is good. I know He is wise. I know He is sovereign over all of life, and of my ways. So, right now, with all that is in me,will I submit my mind - knowing that this is the best course, simply in line with the nature of eternal reality? Anything else is a waste of time, and something I will "regret" when I am one day face to face with Him and He - of course - is "fully seen" as trustworthy and true. May I not indulge myself with foolish choices!

Life Goes On!

It has been a busy week once again. On Sunday, Dad and I went to New City - both for Sunday School and church. The service was oriented to the students, welcoming them back for their year, so Randy had them all stand up. It seemed to me that easily two thirds of the congregation are students! Amazing! It made me wonder how they manage to meet expenses as students would not be big donors and they have many inner-city people attending who would not only not give, but need help themselves...Such a unique congregation! We thoroughly enjoyed our Sunday School class and hope to become regulars...After the service, we picked up Andrew and went to Justin's cousin's house, so his wife and I could, together, buy airmiles tickets for Susanna and her children to visit us in October. That is all taken care of and we are so excited to be seeing them well before Christmas, then will have the added bonus of seeing them again in December! A huge thank-you to Betty! Andrew came back here with us so that he could go and visit Tim Ryan, Tom's brother the next day for a couple of medical needs...Now, BLOW THE TRUMPETS!...Tim told Andrew there is now a generic product on the market to cure .....fungi-nail!!!! It is a three-month course of oral treatment which costs only a few dollars!!! He gave Andrew a prescription - imagine Dad and I will soon get going on it as well. Hooray! I drove Andrew back to Chattanooga that afternoon, so Monday was full up!

Tuesday I took the younger Ryan children to the library, reading them stories for several hours. Cartersville Library is a delightful place in which to spend time - a nice morning for all of us, and allows Jeannette uninterrupted time with the two older kids. I found an interesting book which I think was a true story - about an old Orthodox woman caught in the battle area of the Russian Civil War. Each evening she prayed that God would build a wall around her that night, and each morning was disappointed to see that hadn't been done. Eventually, the battle came extremely close to her. She and several refugees she had taken in went to bed as usual. When they woke up, her cottage had been almost completely covered up by a snowfall. When the soldiers came by later that morning they saw no trace of it and went right by! Quite a story!...I played with the girls in the afternoon while Jeannette took the boys for haircuts. AS usual, I was the bad guy, trying to deceive and trick them in every possible way...I have been type cast!

Yesterday, I did busy work, then went into Cartersville to do errands, and hang around until I could see a local hairdresser. I wanted to discuss letting me hair grow out - that is, to stop dying it - with her. I think we have come up with a good plan of action, and I will give it a try. If I hate it, I can always start the dying process over again, but doubt I will. It is such a pain in the neck! (and the head, and the pocketbook!)

This morning I went to our local elementary school to observe various classrooms, in order to prepare for substitute teaching. I was very impressed with everything I saw. The building was immaculately clean. While I was in the kindergarten classroom, a custodian came by with warm cookies for the staff, who ate them eagerly, on the spot!..There were team teachers in Kindergarten as it included several children with disabilities. They were so effective in their discipline, but so gentle. I do not understand how good teachers attain such control, with little obvious effort...As I mentioned this to the principal later, she siad that several years ago, Adairsville Elementary performed poorly. They then had many meetings searching for solutions, and have been systematically implementing them since then, with wonderful results. I would like to talk with her further to understand exactly what they found most important, but know at least a couple of practical outcomes. As they have many low-income children with fragile families, they try to emulate a family atmosphere in the school itself - something I could see and they have truly realized to a substantial degree. As she walked down the hall, children were hugging her, loving her in every way. The teachers chatted, drank coffee etc. as they worked, but certainly kept the kids on task as they did so...The teachers try to go to extra-curricular activities of children they know need this extra attention...Isn't that amazing? ...The other thing she has tried to do is reduce expectations that children without parental support can't meet, not blaming them for things they can't control. The outcome was a school which I can only categorize as "gentle"...The principal reminded me very much of Sharon Browning - really liked her... Hope I can get regular work there...

Tomorrow I go to the Ryans again, Saturday I will have to clean...And this is all on an average of perhaps, four hours of sleep. I am in the midst of one of the worst times I have ever had with insomnia. God truly helps me to get done what I have to, but life would be more comfortable with more sleep. Please do pray for this!!!

News Round-Up

This was an uneventful but pleasant week. Tuesday I worked at the Ryans, then Wednesday headed for Martyanne's in order to go to school with Anna for Grandparents' Day...As it turned out, Anna was sick, so I spent the afternoon with the children after kicking Maryanne out for a medical appointment with Tim Ryan, Tom's twin brother...I was feeling rather odd myself - I think because after ten years I have (recently) completely weaned myself off the small amount of amitryptilene I have taken nightly to help me sleep...Have felt light-headed and spacey to some degree...I'm suspecting because my blood pressure has fallen as a result...In any case, I snoozed as the kids watched a movie, them played Baby Birdie with Joshie. This is a game we devised together which he absolutely adores, to Pat's great chagrin...But don't worry, Pat - every game there are vicious hawks that attack Baby Birdie and he spends most of the game killing them...Nothing too effeminate about that boy!...

Thursday Dad had a landscaping appointment in out old neighborhood in East Cobb, so I went along and spent a few hours at the Avenue...trudging through stores, spending absolutely nothing, but marveling at how beautiful the people are, and how well-stocked and diverse the stores....After our year in Adairsville, I felt like a country bumpkin on a first trip into the big city. Even more astounding was our shopping trip to Costco. Because of the distance, I go very seldom and again was overwhelmed at the sheer quantity of goods there...

Yesterday I worked at Tom and Jeannette's again...arrived early so she could get to her ultrasound appointment and verify baby's health and sex. She found out they are having another girl. Timmy had a small breakdown when he heard - very much wanted to even out the numbers with another boy. I told him his four sisters will marry one day and the numbers WILL then be even...Seemed to comfort him. He is a very interesting and deep boy - reminds me so much of Nick...I came home, then we headed right back for the dinner, Bible Study and prayer time they have Friday evenings...A pleasant way to end the work week....

They are studying Jerry Bridges' book on acceptable sins. He advises, obviously, recognizing those and rooting them out of your life. It has made me think about my own attitude to introspection in the Christian life. This is my thought process right now: First, my a priori assumption about myself is that I am full of sin. I believe with all my heart that, if I were to go prodding, I would find layer upon unending layer of every type of sin and hypocrisy. This is what brought me to Christ and after 36 years of Christian living I can say there has been substantial change in my character but, still, there has been a "mere beginning" at holiness from any absolute standard. 2)I think there is limited value at investigating this sin too often or too deeply. God certainly brings things to my consciousness on a regular basis as I read His word and pray. I try to take every thought captive regarding this sin as I live before Him. But I do not go actively looking for garbage. He will show me what I have to see when I have to see it. 3)Rather, I read the Bible, trying to see and understand Him more and more fully. I am firmly convinced that one day "we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is." This same principle holds as we are on this side of Heaven. The more I study and ponder Him, understanding more and more about Him and His ways, the more His Holy Spirit somehow conforms me to His image. RC Sproule is the only person I have heard of who echoes what I myself have found in Christian life. For me, reading the Bible seems more important in my growth in Christ than prayer. Obviously, they are both integral means of grace, but the 'seeing" via Scripture, is to me, the motor of my Christian life. 4) I do not preclude Christians challenging one another, etc., nor do I never introspect...Just have found what I have set forth my normal way of conducting my Christian life...I was talking with Flora today, and she reminded of Robert Murray McCheyne's words that, for every look at self there should be ten looks at Christ...Beautiful. He is the only One worth looking at!

At this, I take my leave!

Monday Again

Dad and I went to New City again yesterday. We picked up Andrew enroute and got there in enough time to sit comfortably in the main auditorium...Not easy in this particular church! We had arranged to meet Alicia, as well, as she was due to come back with us for lunch...I was perched on the edge of one pew when a Mr. De Moss (name tag was on) came and asked me how much of the row I could spare for his family. I said, oh, do you have many children, and he said, yes, ten! As they began to file in I could see most of them were adopted - beautiful little black children of all ages. What an admirable church! When it was time to greet one another, the couple behind us - about our age - were the Van der Woudes, originally from Grand Rapids. He is in urban missions, I believe; she works with Young Life - another interesting pair....Then the woman in front of me turned out to be Jewish-Croatian, married to a black guy. She is trying to get a job with the McLellan foundation...Has the requisite few brilliant children,(one of whom she began to try and interest Alicia in!)and a NYC personality she thought might disqualify her from the foundation's work. Interesting people, all. Very encouraging to meet so many who have great natural appeal to me.

As we lingered at church, Grace and Justin were here ahead of us. We had locked up so I told Justin to push the bathroom window open and crawl in - not at all difficult! I was slow getting lunch ready, thus did things the Dutch way - dessert first - cinnamon buns - but not homemade as Bonnie used to serve...I prepared, Andrew did wash, and we all just chatted around things. Very pleasant...Dad managed to complete his application for the Covenant job and Alicia took it off to hand deliver, as she works at Covenant and knows all the people in that department...Do keep it in prayer.

Today I loafed around a good bit of the morning, finally got myself dressed and out early afternoon. First stop was the local elementary school, where I booked an observation day so can then be on their list of substitute teachers. From there, I went into Calhoun and posted ads for our vacant trailer at several of the Hispanic shops in town. Dad and I have decided we will give that a shot before trying locals again. Miguel and Ashley left the place filthy and cockroach-infested, but they paid!...Then off to chat with my local coin dealer. As you may or may not know, physical silver and gold are disappearing. It is difficult to get your hands on them now - something our two most-trusted websites have been prognosticating for years. I like to go and ask our dealer how things are going in his business. He is a Christian fellow, very personable and fun to talk with. He told me a story of a woman who recently took ten very rare gold coins to the mint as she wanted to have them authenticated. The mint seized them, with no intention of returning them, so she is in the middle of a lawsuit right now...Terrible!...He said he is buying silver at this point as distressed holders come to sell it, but not seeking buyers in turn as the price is so artificially low. As people all over the world are seeking to buy precious metals, and are having difficulty finding any,the price is falling! Against all the laws of supply and demand, evidence of suppression...

Tomorrow, Jeannette will bring the children here for the day. I will supervise their studies and,perhaps, give them a first French lesson - something we have decided would be challenging for them. Wednesday, I am off to Anna's school for Grandparents' Day - fun!

And so life goes on...

Sandra and Lydia

Sandra is my best friend. She has asked me whether or not we can be best friends and I have said yes. She is cute and popular. I am not - at least with boys - but she likes me and I am pleased. I am in Grade Seven - have just moved from Thetford Mines, so am new in this school - and enjoy the challenge of making new friends...I am off to a good start...Sandra has no brothers or sisters. She hardly has a mother. Her mother is at home, always, but not available. She is suffering from a mysterious illness which can not be identified. Shortly after I move on again, four years later, she dies of it - whatever "it" was. In all the years we live close together, and I am in her home, I see her mother just a handful of times. Sandra's father is an executive with a steel company and, with only one child, he can give her unimaginable things - a leather jacket, angora sweaters - things I can only dream of...But that is alright. I have a father, mother, two sisters and she wants to be in my home...

Her home is so different from mine.,,There is no noise. When we enter, we do not go into the main living areas. They are all blocked off - the curtains drawn and the furniture covered with plastic - waiting the day - never to come - when her mother can tend to them. We go into her basement - finished, with colonial-style furniture, and a bar in the corner - most elegant and "hip", by the standard of the day. We chat and compare notes about boys and studies. Once we decide to call the popular Montreal d-jay we all listen to after school. His name is Dave Boxer and he takes calls between records. I am frightened and shy when it comes right down to it, but Sandra is confident. She handles things well. Dave calls himself "Daddy-o on the radio" and wants to know if his listeners can think of alternate titles. I come up with "fire on the wire" but am too nervous to propose this. Too bad! I think it would have worked and I would have had my few minutes of fame!

Sandra is a good student, like me. Our teachers make no pretense of hiding our grades, but always return test papers according to the grades given - top one first. In certain subjects - English,History, French, Latin - mine is invariably on the top...But once Sandra beats me in English. I love her, but this is most difficult to endure...I wonder if she remembers this, as I do?...Rain or shine, we are together - walking to the mall, going to Dairy Queen, competing in summer athletics, stealing apples from the local orchards...Then...

Lydia moves into town. Like Sandra, she is an only child. She is Croatian. After the war, her parents moved to Germany and that is where Lydia was born. When they moved to Canada, her parents deliberately placed her in French school for a couple of years so she would become familiar with that language as well as German. Her father is a chemist, her mother a university professor. They are much more sophisticated than almost anyone I know. In small-town, suburban areas of Quebec, in the sixties, there is little diversity!

We become good friends. Sandra, Lydia and I become a threesome. Then something unexpected happens. I see they are becoming best friends and I am being pushed to one side. They still like me, but they like each other better. This makes sense, really. They are more alike in some ways. I have been brought up with rural, Protestant values. They have not. Lydia scoffs at people with large families and thinks them immoral. I think they are lovely..She has a hardheaded focus to life that I lack, and Sandra is somewhere in the middle. In any case, I see I have been squeezed out and it is painful.

The next fall, it is time for us to move on. Dad has accepted a new position way up north. I say good-bye to them, and - surprisingly-stay in closer touch with Lydia than Sandra, my (previous) best friend of several years. When I visit her briefly a few years later, she teaches me some Russian- her area of study. The three of us meet again for a reunion in Ottawa several years on again. Sandra has become a Grade One teacher, childless by choice. Lydia has two sons, and she and her husband have lived all over the world as diplomats...Just what I would have expected! Unfortunately, our lives have diverged so much we can't really pick up the pieces and resume meaningful friendship. We intermittently try to keep in touch, but only for a time. So where are my friends now? Who knows? More ships in the night!

Nieman -Marcus

Hope you all got my cookie recipe email sent earlier this evening. How nice for an abused consumer to find some creative revenge! I am certainly going to try it. Hope you are, too!

An Exchange

Go to the Gospels. Choose a short passage. Study it. Think about it. Imagine it - the sights, the sounds, the colors, the confusion....Sure, I will do that. Anybody who loves a good story does that anyway. That is inevitable, part of the fun...Now put yourself inside the story. You are in that crowd...Well, for the sake of enhancing the perspective of a spectator I will do that. Again, in a good story, as you live it with the author, you do that anyway...Now, see what Jesus has to say to you....What?...He will turn to you. See what He has to say to you?...What?....No, that is illegitimate. Jesus doesn't have anything to say to me he hasn't already said in the Bible. ...You are so cut and dried with your western, Greek-based rationalism. Don't you know the Jewish mind was much more fluid and indefinite than ours?. Is there no room for the mystery of God in your understanding of Him?...It depends what you mean by mysterious. Of course, we don't know God exhaustively. Every attribute He has, He has in a greater measure than we can plumb. It is certainly "mysterious" as to how the Holy Spirit takes Biblical truth and works it into our hearts so personally and appropriately - first in regeneration, then in sanctification. His providence can certainly be baffling. I will go further and say a couple of times in a lifetime God may give you "supernatural" experiences when you are not expecting them. On the other hand, there is nothing mysterious about the character of God, the way he has reconciled Himself to men, or His expectations of men. That is clearly laid out, once and for all, in Scripture. ...You are a rigid TR, a danger to this church. (unsaid) If you want to talk with me about anything doctrinal, it must be with elders present. (said). You are the kind of person who will cause theological divisions. (unsaid)...Oh. Commitment to the Reformational understanding of the absolute truth of inerrant, completed Scripture -forever objectively true, sufficient for life and doctrine - is undermining? In this church? Well! Blow me down!

Rain

Yesterday afternoon it .....began to rain!!! And lo and behold, it is still raining thirty hours later. Such a strange but wonderful sound in this drought-stricken area. I do love the mellowness of rainy days...The muffled sounds, the muted light...In my mind, it helps me transition into fall, reminds me of one of my favorite poems from childhood:Keats:To Autumn: beginning "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness" - have never forgotten it.

I spent the day at Tom and Jeannette's again. The children love some Victorian storybooks about a little girl named Elsie. They ask me to help act them out again and again. I am always the hypocritical person plotting against the virtuous Elsie and her father - today, in the person of Miss Daniels, trying to break up Mr. Dinsmore's (Elsie's father's) engagement to Miss Rose -so I can steal him for myself. This afternoon,I must say, I surpassed myself - handing in my best performance ever. "My dear Mr. Dinsmore, I must prevail upon you to believe that my criticisms of Miss Rose are based soley on my fondest desire for your happiness, and that of Miss Rose." etc. etc...Little Abby looked at me and said, "Mrs, Challies, you are such a good actress!" What a hoot! And I get paid for it!

We received the unfortunate news yesterday that our new renters, who have proved so faithful, are moving to Florida on Sunday as "there is no work around here."...They will be the first people who have left honorably and will have their deposit returned to them. He is Hispanic, doubtless illegal, but certainly a good father, provider, and renter! Phooey...We have asked them if they know of others who might take their place.

Poor Maryanne has felt terrible - dizzy, nauseated, etc for several days now. We are wondering if she couldn't be suffering from the same sort of thing that put Marg in bed for awhile. She has spent much time in the pool and complained of vague ear ache since last week. Time to find a doctor!

Tomorrow, Dad will head north to apply for a job he saw advertised online. It is a humble job, but a lot better than nothing - Hobson's Choice, at this point....Will let you know how it goes...Off to bed with Rockefeller in hand before too long....And so, good night.

Friday

I was at Tom and Jeannette's all day yesterday. I enjoyed it, as always, but was so tired - literally had to keep shaking myself awake as I read "Stewart Little' to the children - found I had drifted into momentary sleep while my mouth kept going! A new experience!...Dad and I are now sleeping every night on the hide-a-bed to get away from stuffiness of bedroom here, so got Dad to open out the bed and stumbled in about nine, or so...As usual, I awoke around three, so read a couple of chapters of the Rockefeller biography Tim sent me while huddled in the bathroom for a couple of hours - at the same time keeping an eye on the two roaches skittering about my feet....Then back to bed and dozed/slept until eight!...The biography is fascinating. Thanks, Tim. I absolutely love having these wonderful books to read... What an enigmatic man John D. was...In ways, cutthroat in business, in other ways not...Exemplary in personal life yet somewhat of a dirty old man as he got older, after his wife had died...His purpose in life was to make money - by means fair or sometimes foul (,difference not clearly spelled out in American law at that time) - in order to give it away...A very devout Baptist...An odd conglomeration of characteristics...Will we see him in Heaven?

Today I pulled myself out of bed, read the Bible, groomed minimally, and set out for Cartersville to visit with Maryanne after her doctor's appointment with Tom...Got great Christmas presents for P&M, T&A - already have things for R&S, J&G...Home again and internet plus Rockerfeller until we go to Tom and Jeannette's tonight for dinner. (They have a group of people meeting there who want more fellowship than their (geographically) distant churches can offer them.

Something to pray about: Dad phoned Chris White today about trying to find a job in Chattanooga and he gave him a contact in the McLellan Foundation. (Insurance people, originally)...Both he and Johan are friendly with them)...Dad will phone them on Monday. Please keep this in prayer. the chances of a fifty-none year old, without directly relevant experience, finding any kind of a job with dignity are slim, but God can do it, of course! WIll keep you posted!

Another tidbit: Justin has a cousin whose wife is very close to Grace. She has air miles she has given to Susanna so she can come and visit us in the next few weeks! Isn't that marvellous?

Maryanne

I am pregnant again and this time I switch obstetricians. There is another pro-life female doctor delivering babies in Toronto so I go to her. Her name is Dr. Jubb. She is a faithful Catholic, friends with my previous doctor, Dr. Morris. Apparently, Dr. Morris had considered becoming Catholic - switching from her Jewish faith - but Dr. Jubb had discouraged her...You'd never make it with that nose, Heather....Now it is time for a late-pregnancy appointment. I walk into the office and - oh no!- it is Dr. Morris, filling in for Dr. Jubb. She looks at me and says, you can't get rid of me, can you? I chuckle nervously. In any case, all is well. The baby is fine.

The big day arrives but I am in no hurry to go to the hospital. Someone comes to care for the children and I go upstairs to the boys' room where I lie down on their beds and use my breathing exercises. I am much more comfortable here at home - the environment is warm, with gentle light, and comfortable. Finally I know I can't wait any longer. Dad gets me into his big, red truck and we drive down Yonge Street to Women's College Hospital. Things progress quickly, and in no time I have a tiny baby girl in my arms...Mom, we have had the baby and this time its a girl...Oh, Barbara, how lovely. That is quite an anniversary present to give us....And it was. We name her Maryanne Ruth. Maryanne is, loosely, after Dad's favorite old cousin, Mary Coghlin. Ruth is, of course, after Mom...The first time we see Mary after Maryanne's birth, she has moved to an old folks' home. She takes the baby in her arms and displays her to everyone she possibly can...Look, she's named after me! What a gift we have given her, as well...

A few days after we get home from the hospital, it is time for the boys to begin school. Andrew is entering Grade One at Toronto Central Christian School and Tim will go to Junior Kindergarten at our neighbourhood school. This means that, most of the day, I have just Maryanne at home with me. I make good use of the Snugli someone has lent me and, everywhere I go, she goes. We are a pair. I can't drive so I do all my shopping locally. When all the children are home, Maryanne goes into our big carriage, Tim sits at the foot, and Andrew trots along beside me. In the grocery store, I can't handle a cart, so I pile groceries up all around the two little ones, and on the bottom rack. I get them bagged and somehow we always manage to get home without incident. One day when I am waiting in line to pay for my food, an older woman looks at me....Do you know these are the best years of your life? Nothing will ever be as delightful as this time. Make sure to enjoy it. One day it will be gone - so quickly - and you will miss it...Yes and yes...

When Maryanne is about two, all the children get chicken pox. At last they are on the mend and there are just a few scabs left on her face. I most carefully pull a t-shirt over her head and -oh no!! - I knock a couple of them off. Now she will have scars on her forehead. It takes me many days to forgive myself for that. But they fade over the years and become almost invisible.

She grows into a feisty and determined little girl. Don't mess with me. And not too many people do...Still, her interests are traditional and feminine in most ways. An interesting mix!

As the years pass, I notice something very interesting. My daughter is, in many ways, a gentle person. And becoming gentler. As she begins to serve Christ in a mature and consistent way, many friends gain solace and wisdom from her...In college this only increases. She not only works hard, but blesses many as counselor and confidante.

Then comes marriage. And children....And parents. And siblings. And neighbors. And who works harder than Maryanne at trying to make it ALL work just the way it should? (And does this not melt God's heart, as it does mine?) With her old determination. And feistiness. But much gentleness. And passion. And sensitivity. And breathtaking integrity. And complete commitment.

Maryanne, you are a faithful and lovely Christian woman. I am proud of you. I love you.

Maryanne

I am pregnant again and this time I switch obstetricians. There is another pro-life female doctor delivering babies in Toronto so I go to her. Her name is Dr. Jubb. She is a faithful Catholic, friends with my previous doctor, Dr. Morris. Apparently, Dr. Morris had considered becoming Catholic - switching from her Jewish faith - but Dr. Jubb had discouraged her...You'd never make it with that nose, Heather....Now it is time for a late-pregnancy appointment. I walk into the office and - oh no!- it is Dr. Morris, filling in for Dr. Jubb. She looks at me and says, you can't get rid of me, can you? I chuckle nervously. In any case, all is well. The baby is fine.

The big day arrives but I am in no hurry to go to the hospital. Someone comes to care for the children and I go upstairs to the boys' room where I lie down on their beds and use my breathing exercises. I am much more comfortable here at home - the environment is warm, with gentle light, and comfortable. Finally I know I can't wait any longer. Dad gets me into his big, red truck and we drive down Yonge Street to Women's College Hospital. Things progress quickly, and in no time I have a tiny baby girl in my arms...Mom, we have had the baby and this time its a girl...Oh, Barbara, how lovely. That is quite an anniversary present to give us....And it was. We name her Maryanne Ruth. Maryanne is, loosely, after Dad's favorite old cousin, Mary Coghlin. Ruth is, of course, after Mom...The first time we see Mary after Maryanne's birth, she has moved to an old folks' home. She takes the baby in her arms and displays her to everyone she possibly can...Look, she's named after me! What a gift we have given her, as well...

A few days after we get home from the hospital, it is time for the boys to begin school. Andrew is entering Grade One at Toronto Central Christian School and Tim will go to Junior Kindergarten at our neighbourhood school. This means that, most of the day, I have just Maryanne at home with me. I make good use of the Snugli someone has lent me and, everywhere I go, she goes. We are a pair. I can't drive so I do all my shopping locally. When all the children are home, Maryanne goes into our big carriage, Tim sits at the foot, and Andrew trots along beside me. In the grocery store, I can't handle a cart, so I pile groceries up all around the two little ones, and on the bottom rack. I get them bagged and somehow we always manage to get home without incident. One day when I am waiting in line to pay for my food, an older woman looks at me....Do you know these are the best years of your life? Nothing will ever be as delightful as this time. Make sure to enjoy it. One day it will be gone - so quickly - and you will miss it...Yes and yes...

When Maryanne is about two, all the children get chicken pox. At last they are on the mend and there are just a few scabs left on her face. I most carefully pull a t-shirt over her head and -oh no!! - I knock a couple of them off. Now she will have scars on her forehead. It takes me many days to forgive myself for that. But they fade over the years and become almost invisible.

She grows into a feisty and determined little girl. Don't mess with me. And not too many people do...Still, her interests are traditional and feminine in most ways. An interesting mix!

As the years pass, I notice something very interesting. My daughter is, in many ways, a gentle person. And becoming gentler. As she begins to serve Christ in a mature and consistent way, many friends gain solace and wisdom from her...In college this only increases. She not only works hard, but blesses many as counselor and confidante.

Then comes marriage. And children....And parents. And siblings. And neighbors. And who works harder than Maryanne at trying to make it ALL work just the way it should? With her old determination. And feistiness. But much gentleness. And passion. And sensitivity. And integrity. And complete commitment.

Maryanne, you are a faithful and lovely Christian woman. I am proud of you. I love you.
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Killer River

At the foot of our street in Otterburn Heights flows the Richelieu River. It is a major river, a mighty river. And it almost killed me twice...A little poetic license, but not much. Across the river is St. Hilaire. And in St. Hilaire there is a Dairy Queen. For us suburban kids, this smacks of something exciting and urban. We don't want to go with our parents, we are not old enough to drive, so- we walk across the train bridge...a single track line across a wide expanse of water. What if a train comes? Well, I try not to think of that possibility, but there are little boxes here and there hanging out from the sides of the bridge. Kids have said those are safe if worse comes to worse and the train can't be outrun. And, of course, one day it happens. It is a busy line and we use it regularly. Here it comes! We certainly can't get across the river in time! Into the box we scramble for an unforgettable two minutes. There are three of us huddled together. the train roars by just a couple of feet away. The box shakes and rattle. I look down and see the river flowing rapidly below us, water far to either side of our perch...This ice-cream sandwich had better be good!

Who am I with? I think I remember. Some of my friends and I have walked over the train bridge to meet some cute French-Canadian boys. It is a warm day, summer holidays. On the river bank, periodically, are signs, Do not swim in the river...But, some do. And eventually, I jump in as well. I swim out rather far, fearful the whole time. How deep is the water beneath me? Where are the currents? Good my parents can't see me now! Even with my short-sighted eyes, I see something floating toward me. It is almost on me, when I recognize it. It is a big wad of toilet paper! I swim to shore at record speed (for me) and now understand the layers of meaning under the words Do not swim in the river...(And not long after this, one of the boys in the group, who lives in a house overlooking the river, sees a body floating on its surface!)

Les Sultans

My closest friends in high school are Sandra and Lydia, though there are others I spend time with. Ann Vickers is outside this orbit. She is in the "other" Grade Ten class, (We are divided alphabetically), and has different interests than I do. She excels in Algebra and Physics. I concentrate on History, French and English. Still, I like her. She is personable and interesting. One day she tells me about a new group she has begun to go and listen to called, "Les Sultans" - a French "garage band" out of Ste Hyacinthe. Will I go with her to see them perform? Apparently, she has been several times already to their venues - gyms, teen-type clubs all over the Montreal south shore area...I rarely do things like this. I go to the odd high school dance, with other girls, spend time visiting in homes, and occasionally walk across the Richelieu River via the train bridge - something none of our parents know of - to get ice cream at Dairy Queen, but this is about the extent of my social life. Much of my time on the weekends is spent babysitting and preparing to teach Sunday School at our local Anglican church...

Mom and Dad have no problem with my going to hear the group. Dad, as always, is willing to drive us...so on Friday evening I am in Beloeil with Ann. Onto the stage comes this group of five young French Canadian men - Ghislain, Denis, Claude, Pierre, and...Bruce? Yes, Bruce...the lead singer is Bruce - funny! Ann is a Ghislain fan. I quickly determine that I vote for Denis. We stand in front of the stage and watch our heroes perform. They sing some original songs and adaptations of current pop music from the US...Their signature song is "La Poupee Qui Fait Non":

C'est une poupee qui fait non, non, non, non
Toute la journee elle fait non,non, non, non
Elle est, elle est vraiment jolie - e-e-e-e-e
Quand je reve la nuit - e-e-e-e-e

And so on...Fun for a fifteen-year old to listen to...

Than comes a break - and - Denis puts his arm around a beautiful long-haired girl waiting for him....Sigh....Oh, well,...I never wanted to marry a French Canadian anyway...The princess dreams are quickly shattered, but I enjoy the rest of the evening and do become a LEs Sultans fan...

Go to You Tube, type in Les Sultans and the first hit you get will be "La Poupee" - see what your mother did with her time many years ago...

To My Children

My guys, This is a picture of my heart right now, just so you will understand me. It is not self-pity. There has been that, but not now. I just feel I owe you this.



Don't talk about it. Don't ask me about it. It is my war wound. It is my seeing a plane full of young men crash to the ground. It is too deep for words.

But that is life, isn't it? Sorrow beyond measure. Grief beyond words. Reality beyond comprehension..."We despaired of life itself"

Someone died. And it was me. "But you are ever with me." And He has been. Faithful in life and faithful in death. But we are alone in this. Just Him and me.

I love you all. But I am the mother that is. Not the mother that was. Him and me. And this is Holy Ground.

Saturday Has Come and Gone

Saturday has come and gone and what have I accomplished? Not much, it seems...but much of this non-accomplishment is still necessary to eventually accomplish - if you know what I mean?...I have (again) spent hours pouring over real-estate pages trying to track down a feasible property for us...Even joined a foreclosure site on a trial basis! Out of hundreds looked at, Dad and I will go and look at five or six - at least from the street - tomorrow, while we are in Chattanooga...I want Dad to continue to search while I am gone, perhaps with Grace's help...Will keep you posted!...

Early this morning, Dad and I went to the trailer park to collect rents. Last week, I had asked Randy and Darlene it they could try to cut down on energy consumption - not a command, but just a request, for our sakes (as we pay the utility bills)...when we went today, they had hung a clothes line, in order not to use the dryer! I truly think Randy and Darlene and David and Ellen are just about my favorite Georgians!

Otherwise, have cooked for Dad - so he will have meals while I am away - and emailed little...Read the first of CS Lewis's space trilogy last night - have not touched it for years. Can't say I like it, though really enjoy the third in the series...Will begin a Dorothy Sayers next - something simple to read while on the plane...

That is my absolutely nothing post for today. In haste...Mom

Reader's Digest

Yesterday I sat in the garage for an hour waiting for my trusty mechanic to re-check my car brakes - have been squeaking even though were recently done. While there, I read a recent copy of Reader's Digest. It listed interesting and humorous omission- bloopers that have been published. My favorite was, "Yesterday we meant to say that 'Mrs. Woodrow Wilson used to graze sheep on the front lawn of the White House. We mistakenly left out the word sheep.'" ....

A Quick Memory and Thought

Sandwiches were unknown to me, except for picnics, until I lived on my own. Mom was from a small town background where men came home for dinner at noon. A hot meal was the expectation. Dad, of course, continued this pattern. We always lived close enough to the schools where he taught that he could walk home within minutes. So could we. I loved it. As I left each morning, my sisters and I made our beds, but otherwise the house was messy. When I returned home for dinner, it was bright, clean, and shiny...And our meal was ready...meat, potatoes - boiled, mashed, riced - and an overcooked vegetable, then dessert. We all sat around our arborite table and visited for a few minutes, then Dad was up to watch the noon news with Walter Cronkite. Right after, Mom switched the station to The Tennessee Ernie Ford Show and listened to the very end - right to the time he always closed with a hymn - the only way I became familiar with gospel songs....I would go off to afternoon classes with these in my mind, and wonder whether they were not an important part of God softening my heart in anticipation of my conversion several years later...Early television did have some wonderful shows!... Makes me wonder again where Mom is right now. She certainly did love the hymns she had learned from her Methodist/United Church background. How I hope God did bring her into port shortly before she died!

In Honour of Ellie

In honour of little Ellie, I want to try and show what my grandchildren mean to me.

Hooray, I get to go to (Tim and Aileen's, Pat and Maryanne's, Rick and Susanna's) today. I can't wait to see my little ones. I sit in my seat and try to push the plane/car along faster. No matter how often (or how infrequently, sadly) I see them, this never varies. Each time I open one of my children's doors and see those precious little people waiting for me, I feel like it is Christmas. I have waited all my life for this...I want to hold them, touch them, smell them, talk with them and to them. They are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh - altogether precious. I love the highlights in their hair, the animation in their eyes, the joy in their smiles - the LIFE they are full of as my own draws closer to its conclusion. I see them as perfect little works of art - the greatest gift from their Creator to me...And the mellowness of being a grandma is delightful. Do you want cookies for breakfast? No problem. Let's pretend games? Bring them on. Walks outside with hot chocolate afterward? Can't wait! What better could I be doing with my time?...So, my little ones, my blessings on you:

First to you, Nick the Philosophic
Then to you, Anna and Abby, all Sparkly
Then to you, Josh the Dreamy
Then to you, Michaela the Mischievous
Then to you,Micah the Curious
Then to you, Emma the Definite
Then to you, Ellie -to-be-Unwrapped.

May the God of your grandpa and grandma, of your father and mother, surround you with His love and care forever and forever.

July 4th

After nine years in the US, Dad and I determine it is time for us to celebrate July 4th in something like the American manner. Andrew has finished work, so we pick him up around 2 pm and head to downtown Chattanooga. What is the parking situation here? Still alright? Yes, we find the Unum Provident lot is still virtually empty, and head in there. The trolley is in place to transport people across the bridge to Coolidge Park, where the evening celebration will be held. I am, as always, concerned about getting to where we want to be NOW, but Dad controls my neurotic tendencies, at least for the moment. We decide to spend some time around Broad Street. We go into Greyfriars in order to spend the gift certificate Andrew got Dad for his birthday. I get my usual hot chocolate and Dad and Andrew their coffee. Hmmm, this place is sure different under its new ownership...Cleaner, more orderly. The hangers - on have obviously been discouraged from coming, but they have tidied up a little too much. The bookshelves are gone. The dessert cooler is almost empty - not the usual profusion of cakes of all types. I'm not sure I like it as much as I did when it was slightly run down.

We finish our drinks and leave, meandering down Broad Street toward the aquarium. As always, there are children everywhere, playing in the interconnecting streams that surround the building. No buskers, though. Wonder where they are. Have they been tidied up, too? Hope not. A town can be only so orderly before it sacrifices character, though know there is a fine balance...We head across the bridge and see that already people are beginning to collect in the park, though festivities will not begin for a few hours. I begin to panic. We have got to get down there, claim our spot. Again, Dad restrains me. I'm not going to sit there for hours. I want to go and get dinner at Big River. Yikes. This is hard for me. I control myself and we wander through a few stores. As we head down toward the river, I see the old Greyfriars regulars sitting at a newly-opened coffee shop. So that is where they have migrated! We stop by the carousel to watch the children play for a minute or two, then walk through Coolidge. I get more and more nervous with the people steadily coming through with their lawn chairs and grills. They have staked out their position and I can't. This is truly terrible. Soon, it is time to cross back over to the other side of the river on the walking bridge. This is where Dad decides he wants to set up for the concert and fireworks. I am not so sure. I want to be closer to the stage. I give way, and send Dad and Andrew back to the car for our lawn chairs so we can claim our bit of bridge! I idle over to a man already settled in and chat while I wait. He says he sits there every year, and it is a great location. He also promises to guard our chairs while we go for dinner. Hooray! Mission accomplished! Now I can relax and enjoy the rest of the day.

We have an early dinner at Big River, then wend our way back to the bridge. We, of course, have a grand view of the park underneath us. It is filling up, as people enter in a steady stream. First, there are distinct clusters, but soon a sea of folks of all ages. Funny, there are hardly any black people at all. What do they do on July 4th? Do they celebrate the beginning of their nation at all? Don't know....Strings of balloons - red, white and blue - stretch high into the sky. Finally, one too many is attached, and the whole string floats up into the sky. Fun to see how long I can keep an eye on them...Boats, yachts are beginning to fill the Tennessee River adjacent to the park...Eventually, our section of the bridge - the whole thing, for that matter - becomes crowded. People everywhere. I try not to think of the structural issues which prevent it from carrying vehicular traffic. (How much do all these people weigh, relative to cars and trucks?) We turn our lawn chairs around to avoid the sun as it gets lower in the sky and begins to shine in our eyes. A man comes by and asks whether he can set up his chairs right behind us...Of course. My name is D--- S------- and I am an adjunct professor at Covenant College. We chat and quickly realize we know many of the same people...I advised Richard Ganz to go to Westminster...He studied under Van Til and begins to tell us stories about him:

One: Students, I have just two requirements for essays you write for me. First, they must be good. Second, they must be long...But Sir, what is long?...I once had a student who received an A for a ten-page paper........And if you think you can do as well as Johnny Frame...........

Two: D---S------- is going to play a trick on Van Til. He knows he never really reads those long papers. In the middle of his essay, he puts the following sentence. If you read this, I will buy you a chocolate ice cream cone - then goes on. He hands it in, and Van Til decides to mark it on the spot. He shuffles through the pages at a superhuman rate, writes something, hands it back, and goes off to his next class. So does D S. When he eventually decides to look at his grade, it is the comment he notices: I prefer strawberry.

Three: Professor Van Til has retired. D S, now working at a bookstore to earn college funds, is surprised when he comes in to buy children's books. Van Til and his wife have no children, no grandchildren...Yet he is buying Mother Goose, fairy tales, children's stories of all types. Eventually, he decides to ask, why? Why are you buying these?...When my wife and I were young, there weren't such stories for us. During my teaching years I did not have the time to read them. Now my wife and I sit together at night and we take turns reading them out loud.

Four: Professor Van Til is old. He no longer has the mental ability he did while younger. People still want to meet him, but they are told not to tax him too much. Yet on this evening, someone does. He is asked a difficult theological problem. He says: If you look in my book ----------- on page --you will find the answer to that. I can no longer give it. He is not embarrassed or defensive. At the end of the evening, he wants to pray. And he prays for each of the thirty young men he has just met by name, and by country...

We love his stories, but they are discontinued as the Chattanooga Symphony begins its program - national anthem, of course, as jets fly over, then Sousa marches and songs from old musicals. A black soprano sings "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess. Breathtaking! As I listen, I continue to watch the crowds. I can't even begin to estimate how many people there are. I hear quotes of 50,00 to 150,000! Next, a bluegrass band takes the stage for several numbers. We are in the south, and their reception is warmer than that for the orchestra, though both are appreciated. Hope they don't mind!...At quarter to ten, the fireworks begin. Color and light and - sound! I wonder whether vets can sit through them...and those with heart arhythmias. How do they handle this? The vibration is incredible! Still, they are marvelous and we all - from the oldest to the youngest - have happy smiles and shining eyes as we watch.

As the evening ends, we are in a prime position to get over the bridge and back to the parking lot quickly. What a coup! What more could I ask for?... "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy." ... True. And this day has been a much-needed one day holiday for both of us.

July 1

Happy Canada Day, Tim and Aileen! We are thinking of you - hoping you are doing something special today...I have a couple of good pieces of news to share with you.First, Andrew is now being trained for his new position. It seems his (female) boss is sensitive to him. He reported yesterday that, for the time being, she is having him work only half days so he won't become overwhelmed with the new data and responsibilities. Pray that he will be clear-headed and able to understand the material well, then act on it efficiently...Next, Dad met a fellow in our old area of East Cobb who seems to want to work with him, collaboratively, on certain projects. This could, of course, be a wonderful opportunity, so keep it in prayer...We had a good weekend with Pat and Maryanne's children. They were mostly very well-behaved but did have to act stern a couple of times. Absolutely hate doing it...Never thought twice about it with you guys, but my grandchildren? A whole different story!...Something I thought you northerners would get a kick out of. After swimming, Anna and Josh sometimes drive themselves back in their little jeep. Maryanne says there are often a few of these little cars parked alongside the real thing! Isn't that hilarious?

A couple of interesting quotes from the wonderful Truman biography Tim sent us:...

The man who insists on seeing all sides of (a question) often can't make up his mind where to take hold...Without any disparagement, that was never a problem for Mr. Truman. He wanted all the facts he could get before he made his mind up. But if he could get only 80% of the facts in the time available, he he didn't let the missing 20% tie him up in indecision. He believed that even a wrong decision was better than no decision at all. And when he made up his mind that was it...

The loyalty of those around Truman was total and would never falter. In years to come not one member of the Truman White House would ever speak or write scathingly of him or belittle him in any fashion. There would be no vindictive "inside" books or articles written about this President by those who worked closest to him. They all thought the world of Harry Truman then and for the rest of their lives, and would welcome the chance to say so.

Looking at Truman, Churchill said slowly,"the last time you and I sat across the conference table was at Potsdam, Mr. President." Truman nodded..."I must confess, Sir," Churchill went on, "I held you in very low regard then. I loathed your taking the place of Franklin Roosevelt." He paused. "I misjudged you badly. Since that time, you more than any other man, have saved western civilization."

They're Growing Up

OK, guys, we have read for an hour and we have three hours left. That means I can play with each of you for an hour-Abby then Timmy then Emma - alright? ....Mrs. Challies, Abby and I will play together. We are going to share our game...Alright, Emma. What are we going to play? We will play American Girl. I am Mrs. Cole. My children are Elizabeth, who is ten, Annabelle - a very prissy girl - who is sixteen, David, and Bitty Baby, who is four...Alright, what about you, Abby? I am Mrs. Merriman. My daughter is Felicity and she is nine.... OK, and who am I?...Your name is Mrs. Potter. You are our friend....Am I old?...No, you are just the age you are now (!!!)...Alright....Knock, knock, knock. Oh, hello, Mrs. Cole. Do come in and have some tea. How are your hens doing this year? What about your corn? Is it growing well?...Oh, Mrs. Potter, I am so worried about Elizabeth. She just doesn't seem well...I am so sorry! What seems to be wrong? Is she ill?...It is bad, Mrs. Potter. I think she is doing doggy germs...What?...I think Elizabeth might be doing doggy germs...What?...Oh, you don't know what doggy germs are. You know when people kiss before they are married? Well, they shouldn't, should they?...It would be good if they didn't...Well, Mama and Daddy say they are doing doggy germs when they kiss- you know, like this...(Demonstration by Abby and Emma)...Elizabeth is engaged to Joseph, but he is a good boy. I don't think he would do doggy germs...Well, who would it be? ...Well, you know how some boys make girls do doggy germs? I think it might be Bonnie Prince Charlie. (I know he didn't really live in America in the 1700's, but we just pretend he did)...Well, from what I know about Bonnie Prince Charlie, he could have done doggy germs with Elizabeth. I am so sorry, Mrs. Cole. Do let me know how things turn out...

Greg

Laura's first boyfriend was named Greg. He was tall and thin with curly, blondish hair - a nice guy, well-liked by all our family. He was very kind about including little sisters in their plans - probably to Laura's great chagrin! My clearest memory of Greg was the time he took Laura and I to the garbage dump! Why? So he could teach us to shoot Americans when they decided to invade Canada! We practiced on rats - there was an abundant supply...The only time I have ever even touched a gun! ...To his great heartbreak, Laura broke up with Greg after we moved north and she was on her own in Montreal. He was intending to go into the RCMP, which he indeed did, I believe, and very successfully. At that point he told her he would arrest even Laura if he ever caught her with drugs - a parting salvo, probably well-meant....I next had contact with him just several years ago when an email arrived in my inbox from Greg. He had obtained my address from a high school web site I occasionally visited. He, of course, wanted Laura's contact information, saying what fond memories he had of her...I gave him her telephone number after warning him off from trying to reconnect in any meaningful way. Old romances hold such power...He phoned and I believe they still chat once in awhile but he has been true to his word and has not seen her. I wonder if he would still be true to his word as to her arrest, if drugs were her lifestyle? Guess I will never know!

Thursday

I went into Marietta to have the car brakes fixed early this morning - had an interesting discussion with a Mormon man about theological things...When he said that he had eight children I knew he was either Catholic or Mormon and there could be an interesting discussion...Of course, as always, the differences begin- right at the beginning!- with the different understanding of the nature of man. He was adamant that his small children were not intrinsically sinful...And the solution to sin always depends on the way in which the problem is understood in the first place! It is helpful to go there first thing in a discussion as everything, everything, rest on this. In a sense you are wasting time discussing matters of meaning until you have dealt with what a human being is...In any case, he was a lovely man and I certainly appreciated his commitment to good morals...

I kept fielding calls from Johnson Ferry personnel as to food for the reception after Ashton's funeral. It seems to be coming together nicely, as Grace assured me it would...You all know how much I enjoy food-related mass hospitality!!! Grace is taking care of Alicia's circle of acquaintances for food donations; I am doing the church...I have been most impressed with the people of Johnson Ferry so far - very helpful and obliging. Their minister is Bryant Wright - well known in SBC circles, a good friend of Andy Stanley...Kelly Ward works as a waitress at Olive Garden and they are going to contribute salad and bread sticks tomorrow...We have, of course, no idea how many people will be there, so hope we will have enough food without gallons left over!

I was going to go to the Wards today, but was held up so couldn't get there in time to be useful. I did talk with Alicia, though, and she sounded so tired...I know she and her mom, Kelly, went to view Ashton's body at 1 pm, before cremation...so they said their good-byes to what is mortal at that point. My heart bleeds for Donna. I pray God will help me to be as faithful a friend to her in the next months as I want to be.

It has been cold today! High fifties, low sixties though should be back to mid-eighties tomorrow...We received the second installment of "The Duchess of Duke Street" today in the mail - have enjoyed it so far, so hope it continues to give us much pleasure...

All for now!

She's So Little and She's Had So Much Pain

She's so little, Mom, and she's had so much pain. I can't stand seeing her getting hurt again. All I can think about is how she used to come over to our house and cry and cry when her father was leaving her mother...

Barbara, when I got the call this morning, I said for God to do what was best and to take him if it was His will, but I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it. I want him back! I want him back!

And a grandmother who has lost her only grandson; a grandfather who has lost his only grandson.

Food and chit-chat...I'm fine, thanks...But did you know Ashton died today?

Father, bless them. They love you and they're hurting so much.

News Round Up

Last week (and the week before) Uncle Ron was at the trailer part every day working on the unit which has been down for such a long time. By the time he left, both walls and ceiling were completed so his efforts were a tremendous blessing to us...Of course, he was wonderful company, as well...We had great conversations, and watched many music videos together. As they have only dial up internet connection in Perth, he loved having access to You Tube! Dad and I took him to the bus station in Chattanooga on Saturday, then went to Grace and Justin's for their annual street fair. Pat and Maryanne were there, as well, so We had fun visiting together. They have a huge exercise ball that the kids had fun pushing around the yard, and rolling over. (Their mommy enjoyed it, too!)...We all pitched in for pizza and that was the end of that day...Home and to bed...Sunday we went to church in Chattanooga again, then to Andrew's for lunch...Home and a very quiet Memorial Day - truly vegetated - good for Dad, especially...I will babysit Jeannette's kids this afternoon, then clean our vacant trailer tomorrow and get the sign out yet once more...Thursday I will go over to Maryanne's. That night Pat will watch the kids and she will show me her way of using coupons to get many pharmaceutical items, and food items, virtually free! Friday morning I will watch Anna "graduate" and that will end the work week...Saturday we will celebrate Dad's birthday here...Have to work out a menu! And so goes my week...Mundane, but satisfying!

Anecdote for Anna

Anna is always asking for stories of when we - Dad and I- and you - my children - were small...The other day I thought of something I had not recalled for years. When we arrived back in Canada from Scotland, we went to Ottawa for a time - stayed with Grammie and Bapa before settling in Ancaster. Maryanne did not seem well and had an odd rash, so I took her to the family clinic that Mom and Dad always used. They said she had - of all things - shingles! They had never seen this in a child her age and were concerned there had to be other physical problems compromising her immune system. Therefore, they had to take a blood sample to analyze blood chemistry. When she heard this, Maryanne, my Maryanne, who was always the child to act responsibly and sensibly no matter what shot out the door. It was a Saturday, the building was almost empty, and she simply disappeared. I went hunting for her, calling her name, and would see just a hint of her as she rounded the corners ahead of me. We went down corridors, up and down stairs, until I finally headed her off in the bathroom. She absolutely refused to let the lab take any blood...until I had talked with her for many minutes. I still wonder what sparked such a reaction in my otherwise resolute and obliging daughter...Guess it was the insecurity of those few months!

CS Lewis and Me

Before I go on, a couple of things I forgot in my last post...Too good to pass up....I am at the end of the driveway just hanging around. A big boy runs up to me. He is carrying a large stick. "If you don't yell s---, I am going to hit you with this." I look at the boy. I look at the stick. I weigh the alternatives. I throw back my head and yell s--- as loudly as I can. Mom comes running out and she is not happy. the boy has disappeared - not a trace of him...But Mommy, a big boy came and told me if....It didn't work. For some reason she didn't believe me. And I had my mouth washed out with soap...But it was true. Honest!!!

That was the me part...Now for CS Lewis...I found a few pages of notes from some Lewis reading I was doing, who knows when, who knows from which book...But a few quotes. Gold from among the dross - and Lewis certainly had much of each:

There can be a difference between morality and belief about facts. For instance, people who lived centuries ago are criticized for having put "witches" to death. Why would it be wrong to put those to death that you sincerely believe are casting spells to destroy the lives and livlihoods of many?

I am not the landlord of myself, but the tenant.

Christianity is an education in itself.

Pride is the worst of sins. Its only pleasure is rejoicing in being better than others.

Sexual appetite is so affected by sin that one man will have the desire of ten, not the desire of two - as is the case with appetite for food.

All sorts of sins against individuals in a society are justified on the basis of one being sacrificed for the many. But one individual is eternal. Any culture lasts only a few years, in comparison.

One man's temper is responsible for the death of thousands. Another's is just the subject of mockery.