I pride myself on being a good, efficient homemaker....but when I find cream cheese from December, 2007 in my fridge...It possibly made two moves with us - from Cartersville to Adairsville, and from Adairsville to Chattanooga. Humbled to the dust!

Why are Christians so nervous about the fact that God offers reward based on services rendered? Of course, this is not how we gain salvation. That is conferred upon us by our gracious Father, based entirely on the merits of Christ. But once we are His, Scripture speaks so clearly of the fact that we will be rewarded according to our faithfulness. Why is this such a problem to Christians; why do we have to hedge it about with so many caveats?....Of course, I am not serving God for the reward...Of course I am serving Him just to be faithful...As though the two are separate...God would not present the truth of heavenly reward so clearly in Scripture if he did not want us to be motivated by it...What, oh what, is the big problem with that? And it is so straightforward and clear...

I come by an unexpected couple of hundred dollars. All my bills are paid. Nothing looms in the future to devour this money. I therefore have a choice. I can go to the mall and buy a couple of pairs of pants which I in some sense "need", according to the context of our society. This is a perfectly valid choice. God will not punish me for it. God is not against me in it. But there is a better choice I can make. I can send that money to Voice of the Martyrs and fund indigenous pastors living on next to nothing while sharing the Gospel with others. I have invested in that unseen, heavenly bank where treasures are stored up securely against the age to come. That wealth is eternal. The other choice is not sinful, but gives me "reward" - the reward of looking well-dressed in another couple of pairs of pants - in this life only. I have not gained anything eternal through that choice...

To me, Scripture is entirely clear about the types of choices we make as Christians day in and day out. Not "sin" or "not- sin", necessarily at all....But definitely tying in with reward in this life, or treasures stored for eternity...As believers, God has granted us this great freedom. Why do we not discuss it, embrace it? .. Actually deny that it should factor into everyday thinking?

Especially when the reward we strive for is something to do with God Himself, nearness to Him, increased service to Him in the future..."Abraham, I am your shield and your very great reward." I don't get it.

I was reading Luke 21 a few days ago and noticed a recurring theme as Christ spoke of the end of time. There will be "terrors and great signs from heaven"," signs in sun and moon and stars", distress because of "the roaring of the sea and the waves", and "the powers of the heavens will be shaken." It really sounds like the earth itself will begin to become unhinged. We all know the physical universe was cursed along with man, and as history winds down and evil is more and more concentrated, will God allow the poor earth to suffer increasingly as well? Will this be "natural", inadvertently induced by humans, directly caused by evil Dr. Frankensteins? Some of each? Who knows?

But it is interesting to see that as the nations are "distressed...in perplexity...fainting with fear and foreboding of what is coming on the world", we are to "straighten up and raise your heads" as our redemption draws near. The supine posture is not for God's bold and brave soldiers - unless before the commander himself. God, may I be faithful, always faithful, strong and courageous.

Winston Churchill said the secret of success is to never, never, never, give up...I want to claim one exception to that. If you are a five foot four, 115 pound woman trying to wrestle an air conditioner into the trunk of a car - GIVE UP! QUICKLY! Lest you end up with an extremely sore back...And the air conditioner remains leering up at you from its firmly-planted position on the ground...

Grace reminded me of an incident today that Tim will surely remember...Tim and Brian are not yet able to drive, so sometimes cycle from one home to the other. Tim is in the lead and going flat out along a country road when....disaster strikes and he goes down - hard! Tim, Tim! Brian cycles up ...I hope you haven't crushed my potato chips! (that Tim was carrying for him)...What would have destroyed a relationship between girls did not impact Brian and Tim's. They remained good friends for years...

Now, why do I have a vicious headache? I never get headaches - at least, hardly ever - perhaps every couple of years...

It is COLD today and we have had the heat on for Baby Cora...Is it dust from the air vents?

I am still not awfully used to my glasses. They are fairly large and, at times, seem to weigh heavily on my nose...It begins to ache, then can spread into my eyes etc...That it?

I had a type of red wine - birthday gift from Grace and Justin - that I haven't drunk before. Does it have more sulfides than I can handle?

I wore "real" jewelry today, which I hardly ever do...So I tightened the earrings so as not to lose them. Has that pressure built up over the course of the day?

Am I getting sick? (Don't think so )

Am I just plain old tired?

So many possibilities for one very - to most people - ordinary event. Isn't life complicated?

What I Learned Today

I was out the door by eight o'clock in order to be at the INS by eleven...Actually made really good time and was in and out again by eleven...Again, their service was great, but do hope the fingerprints "took" this time. The technician assured me they never call people back for a third session,so trust the biometrics are now finished.

On the way home I decided to listen to some elementary Spanish lessons I picked up at Costco some time ago, and have never used. I'm pleased to say I have moved beyond this level, but decided to use them mostly for the pronunciation.

Woman, with lovely accent in both Spanish and English takes the floor:

We are now going to learn about personal pronouns. In Spanish these are:
Yo Nosotros,as
Tu, Usted Vosotros,as Ustedes
El Ellos
Ella Ellas

The English translation for these is:
I We
You Y'all...What? Hit repeat...Y'all...Repeat...Y'all
He So it's not a mistake
She They really intended that
I can't believe it...
They (m)
They (f)

Now we will translate some simple sentences:
Soy estudiante...I am a student...Excellent...Muy bien!
Es rico....He is rich...Fantastico!
Todos ustedes son damas...You are all ladies....Wrong! No fantastico!...Y'ALL are all ladies...

Push the eject button...ENOUGH!!!

Night y'all....

A Little Fat Thing came for an overnight visit last weekend. Did she come alone? No, she didn't. Little Fat Things do not travel light. She came with:
1 car seat
1 vibrating chair
1 bassinet
1 diaper bag with
2 outfits
2 pairs of pyjamas
2 soothers
6 diapers
6 bottles of her favorite beverage
1 rattle
and she brought
1 father
and 1 mother.

Her father and mother did not stay long because they had business where Little Fat Things are not welcome.

Her grandma and grandpa gave Little Fat Thing:
many kisses
many cuddles
many silly faces
many smiles
many bottle of her favorite beverage
and many diaper changes.

Her mother made:
2 phone calls that night to check on Little Fat Thing
and 1 phone call the next morning.

Little Fat Thing had slept:
9 hours, so there was no need to worry.

Grandma had slept:
4 hours, because Little Fat Thing was snorting.

The next morning:
1 father arrived at church first. Where is Little Fat Thing?

A few minutes later:
1 mother arrived. Where is Little Fat Thing?

And then I saw:
1 father
1 mother
and 1 Little Fat Thing

Which equals:
1 Happy Family

Night comes early in northern Quebec. We have eaten our supper at five, as usual, and are now wondering how to spend the two hours until bedtime. It is too dark, too cold to even consider going outside, so we have to make our own fun indoors. TV has not yet reached our community, so that is not on our radar screen at all...Should we make some puzzles? I love that because of the borders - rows of toys all around the perimeter... Listen to records? Perhaps Alice in Wonderland? (Down, down, down she goes, bumpety bumpety bump...Landing on the bottom with a thumpety thumpety thump)... Play our paper-projectile game? Don't know. Nothing seems quite right. I am restless.

Then the doorbell rings. Laura and I rush into the kitchen, down the stairs and open the door...Oh, wonderful sight. Wonderful sound. A little boy around our age is standing there and in his arms is a pile of comic books about a foot high...Do you want to trade comics?...DO we? Yes!...And we rush to collect our own pile...Soon we are swapping Superman, Richie Rich, Archie and Veronica - even some of Little Archie, and - oh joy!- here are a few classic comics: Last of the Mohicans, Uncle Tom's Cabin...The night has been transformed. We now have several hours worth of reading...We gladly get into bed because - we have matching night lights over our matching single beds! And Mom is awfully reasonable about letting us read until we are tired. Delight. Sheer delight!

I was so impressed when I went to the INS a couple of weeks ago to have my fingerprints taken. The facility was clean, uncrowded, personnel so polite and, really, lovely...There was an older woman there from one of the French African countries. She would not cooperate with them in any way, perhaps didn't understand what was asked of her, but they were patient and humorous with her. All good. All systems go...But...The one other immigrant I spoke with - a Polish lady - said she was there to have her fingerprints re-taken. They hadn't done a satisfactory job the first time round....Well, yesterday there was another letter for me from Homeland Security...Guess what? My fingerprints were unacceptable...So I have to go one hundred miles to have them done again under penalty of having my case voided. Sigh! Yes, they were nice...But, why oh why can't they do their job right the first time round? I will say no more, except for one interesting little tidbit the technician I dealt with last time told me: Apparently many older people have virtually no fingerprints left - have been worn right down with the years...Who would a thunk it?

Last night I googled "Stephen Harper" and came upon a video of him playing piano, accompanied by Yo Yo Ma at the NAC - and singing "A Little Help From My Friends"! Then a clip of Rick Mercer having a "sleepover" with the Harpers at 24 Sussex...Hilarious! Now that we have been in the US ten years, I am very aware of differences between the two cultures...The presidency is so much more "imperial" than the prime ministership...Also, recently saw a clip of a journalist interviewing the leader of the opposition in Canada. She was so hard-hitting, I was frightened - wondering what the penalty would be....Dad had the same reaction. DIfferent country!

At the same time, there is much to be thankful for here. I went to an introductory meeting for the Real Woman conference that will be held in Chattanooga in March - full of godly women so concerned for God-glorifying lives. Nancy Leigh DeMoss was there - an impressive, vibrant woman...And the black ladies - a whole contingent that have promised to pray around the clock until the conference...Wow! Their leader was asked to pray during the meeting and gave us a taste of their intercession...Amazing...I think it was Moody who, when asked whether or not he had heard Spurgeon preach, said yes, but...to hear him pray...That was the life-changer....

Off to the trailer park this morning to collect some money and help Dad with a few things...Then off to Woodstock to babysit so Pat can take Maryanne on a mystery date...Home first thing in the morning as I have Sunday School to teach...

Happy weekend!

But God Does

I had a long, catch-up phone call with Sally the other day. She told me a sad tale of friends of theirs who recently lost a son to suicide. They felt they understood their son, knew him, but after his death - on looking through his Bible and seeing his highlightings, notes - felt there was a whole dimension to his life they were unaware of...It reminds me of a most interesting comment Louise made after Andy's death. So many people then came to her with their personal interactions with Andy, so many things he had said and done that she was completely unaware of. She said to me, "You know, Barb, you don't really know a person until he is dead."

Quick Post

I am still an itchy mama...The inflamed looking rash on my legs is fading, but hives still popping up every which way - Two matching rings on my behind! However, Dad got some benadryl last night and that seems to be helping. In retrospect, I am really not sure the problem was with the antifungal medication...May give it another try in a couple of weeks.

Ken and Jane Stewart are coming for dinner tonight so am sure we will have the usual lovely time with them. It is special to have old friends close at hand. He teaches NT at Covenant, but is actually trained in Church history, so has many interesting perspectives in many areas.

Finally, just a few quotes from the missions' conference that I collected and feel are worthy of being shared:
To be long-suffering, we must be long-bothered.

Mockery is what destroys missionary zeal.

By patient perseverance, the snail reached the ark. (Spurgeon)

80% of Bible college and seminary grads leave the ministry within the first five years.

The Canadian territory of Nunavit has....0 (evangelical?) churches.

The conflict principle is part of life this side of heaven.

In Somalia, the life expectancy of a new believer is 45 days.

One North African missionary reports the EVERY person who has come to faith through him has been martyred.

Missionary kids never really fit in anywhere.

It is excruciating for missionaries to watch their children suffering from tropical diseases - many very serious.

When Muslims take over churches, all crosses are removed. They say they can't worship in the presence of a cross.

And, of course, time is short and eternity is long!

Not Good

So today I wake up feeling miserable and tasting, spitting up blood - not good....And if I am not at my INS appointment at 1pm my "application will be considered abandoned and denied"...Pray for me!

Ugh

So everyone else in the family has been able to take the anti-fungal medication to get rid of our common affliction...Well...I noticed a couple of days ago I was feeling quite nauseated...Again today...Then, while speaking with Susanna on the phone, looked down at my itchy legs to see they are peppered with bright, red dots...So, guess what? No more medication for me...One of you guys will be cutting my half-inch thick, yellow toenails one day when I am too old to do it myself...Any takers? Who loves Mommy?

Apology

The featured speaker at the Missions' Conference last night was Erwin Lutzer, from Moody Church in Chicago...I can't say I found him tremendously impressive, but know you certainly can't judge definitively on the basis of one presentation - had never really heard of him before the last day or two. He did say somthing that I feel was quite misleading...He mentioned that more Christians - ie. Anabaptists - had been put to death in the era of the Reformers than in the early Roman Empire, insinuating that was sheer wicked prejudice on the part of the Reformational church...Mentioned Zwingli as mocking the "baptism" of an Anabaptist forcibly drowned in a river...

My understanding of this period of history is that the great challenge to the Reformers was to prove that European/western culture could survive without the centralized authority of the Roman church. In Protestantism, every man would be his own pope and society would break down into total chaos and confusion. The Reformers responded no, believers were under the very real authority of thee word of God. A conscience in submission to that word would be orderly and godly...

Then the Anabaptists appeared on the scene. As I recall, though will have to now check this out in my church history book, many of them denied the orthodox position on Scripture, believing that there was direct inspiration of the human spirit. They denied the legitimacy of civil leaders, and were iconoclastic - entering Catholic churches and destroying property etc...An unruly bunch in many ways, indeed threatening civil order and the legitimacy of the Reformation itself. That is what the Reformers were fighting against. They were as frightened of the potential of this group as were others. This is when, in reaction, Luther began to go somewhat backward in his theology, retreating to a somewhat more RC understanding of the Lord's Supper etc...And Zwingli (returning to him) was the main proponent of the authority of Scripture, as Luther was of justification by faith...

It seems to me there was an unbalanced presentation in Lutzer's speech...Am going to try and talk with him about it today, if possible...Went to his Wikipedia entry and saw that both his MA and doctorate are in philosophy, from a Jesuit institution...Last but not least, he gave Dad the heeby-jeebies....And I have learned over the years how very good Dad's radar is...What is the truth about this man? Don't know, will just keep these things in mind and heart.

Father, fill us with wisdom and discernment!

Babies

Maryanne came to Chattanooga for an overnight getaway Wednesday afternoon. She brought just one fellow-traveler with her - Baby WIll. He was as good as gold, but my, how he talks! On and on he goes - with much expression. What a chatterbox he will be...And then Cora comes into the picture - little blue eyes shining in her roly-poly porcelain face...I imagine Grace will post some pictures on Facebook of the two together-be sure to check and see...Dad and I are off to a missions conference today that Tim told us about....And now, most importantly...a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our Abby!

Laughter

And did we laugh. I met Katherine last night for coffee at Stone Cup. We sat for three hours and, at times, were laughing so hard we both had tears running down our cheeks. Thank-you, Father, for a friend who shares my cynical/philosophical sense of humor!

Homeward Bound: Part Two

Wow! A Tim Horton's this far south (we are south of Dayton, Ohio). Great! This way we get a reliable and cheap supper - chili and a toasted bagel each. In we go and place our order. Oh, dear. This does not look right. The chili is the same as ever, but the bagel! It is kind-of-heated, but definitely not toasted...And there is no butter! They have just opened and I guess they are not aware of the expectations! I go back to the counter, bagels in hand, and tell the young man - kindly, for his good! - that he will probably have many Canadians stopping there, and that these bagels simply won't do...They have to be brown, and soaked in butter!...Alright! That is taken care of. Dad and I munch our way through our supper contentedly.

We leave in darkness. Early evenings and we will now miss all the most beautiful scenery in Kentucky and Tennessee. Too bad! As we climb in the car, I have a sense of foreboding. Let's pray again, I say to Dad. "Father please take care of us as we drive the rest of the way in the dark. You know we are tired, and our eyesight is not A1. Please keep us from other cars, and other cars away from us. Amen."...And I ask Dad to drive now. But I must stay awake, not sleep, though I am very tired. He might need me....And we enter the highway.

We are now through Cincinnati and have entered Kentucky...Getting there! Oh, more construction! As always...and no shoulder for the next few miles...Alright..But we continue on at seventy miles an hour, as does everyone...Boy, traffic is heavy for this time of night....John, John, watch out! Watch out!...What?...And he sees it - an old van, stalled in the right hand lane, right in our path - no hazards, nowhere to go with the closed shoulder...A man jumps up and down beside it, motioning us away with all his might....Dad intuitively swings into the left lane - empty! And so does the transport behind us as he realizes the danger...And we are past almost before we can think...Safe! And a prayer answered.

But I still cannot get that man out of my mind. Did he survive until a policeman was able to stop traffic flow? Were there others, perhaps children, in the car that he had not had a chance to get out? To me, he looked like a dead man, like a man hanging over a cliff with an unraveling rope...An image I will never forget.

Homeward Bound: Part One

Finally we are approaching the border. It has been a long drive after a late start, so it is already one-thirty. I am driving as Dad has needed to catch up on some sleep...But things look different this time. There are twice as many gates as there used to be. Are they really all for border crossing? Are some for entrance to the highway, just beyond? What is this? I get in one of the new lanes and wait a few minutes - very slow...But, perhaps these are not what I want . I switch into one of the lines at a gate I recognize. Good! There are only two cars in front of me. This should be quick. But it isn't. We wait and wait. And we are not the only ones. All the cars are sitting, sitting. The guards are out of their booths, heavily armed,looking under cars, examining documents, doing who knows what else? And the cameras. I don't remember that many cameras - not one, but many in each line, photographing from every angle. What is this? This does not seem a user-friendly situation. Finally, car one gets the signal to move out. Car two pulls ahead and sits for ten minutes while he is thoroughly investigated. Now our turn...Big, swarthy face. Not friendly looking....What is your citizenship. I'm Canadian. And what does Dad say? Canadian? American? Duel? He has gotten in trouble before for giving the wrong answer. Both, he finally says and this seems acceptable as guard looks at our documents. Where have you been? Where do you live? How long were you there? Any alcohol? Tobacco? And I breathe a sigh of relief. Seems we are about ready to be released. But he mutters something into a microphone. And we are told to go into the nearby area to be searched....Here! Here! Park here! ...And I do....No, over here. And I do. I watch an old man get out of his car. Guards take it and drive it through a huge machine I assume is some sort of detector. A short distance away, someone's engine is being taken apart piece by piece... Now, get out of the car and go into the office. Take your documents and purse but leave your cell phone and everything else here...But I have jewelry in my suitcase. I don't want to leave it.....Don't worry. I won't steal it. We will take good care of you. You are on the right side of the border now....We enter the office, Dad tired with hands in pocket...Take your hands out of your pockets!...Go to that lane. Hand in all your documents, then go and sit over there. While we wait, other terrorists enter the office - women, children grandparents. We sit quietly together. OK. Over here. Where do you live? Who was driving the car? Is it your car? Where did you go? Why did you go? How long have you been in the States? All the while she searches my face, especially my eyes, looking for telltale signs of lying...My mind races while I am answering her. How do you look honest? Do I look honest? I don't know...All right. Go and sit down again...OK. Come and sign this sheet. Here are your documents. You can go now...We go out to the car and I open the trunk. I may get into trouble for it, but I am going to check to see my jewelry is still there. It is....You know what? The people involved were pleasant and professional. But I'm still not sure I am on the right side of the border.

The Little Reprobate

Tim and Aileen are out. Dad and I sit at the table with the children. Time to read the Bible and pray.

Michaela: I don't want to read the Bible tonight. It's boring.

Mimi: Oh, but it's important to read it every night, just like Daddy does. Of course we are going to read it.

Michaela: No, it's boring.

Michaela again: And I don't want to pray. Usually I pray but tonight I don't want to.

Beba: OK guys...

Michaela: I have to go poo poo...Right now...And off she goes.

Dad begins to read the Bible. Slam goes the bathroom door!

And mostly, as far as I can tell, she is not abnormally rebellious...What a job God does when he takes these little unruly hearts and subdues them...But also, given her wee age and generally submissive heart, how absurdly humorous....

Needed: The King's English

Dear Campbell Soup,
I think your most recent radio ad for one of your products needs revamping. I followed your oh-so-compelling script with (some) interest: How do you feel about going home to those low-fat frozen meals in your freezer? I mean, they are great if you want to eat sixteen of them...But now let's think about Campbells Junky Soup...Can't you just taste the roast beef, the cut vegetables, the simmering potatoes? Simmer it. Let the smell waft through the house. Substantial. Satisfying. A real alternative: Campbells Junky Soup...

Nightmare: Standing behind the lady who is spending sixty-seven dollars at the dollar store....

Sign at the coffee shop: I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it.

Bumper sticker: My child is an honor student and my president is a moron...

Most beautiful spot in USA: Chattanooga, walking across the Tennessee River via the walking bridge on a clear and sunny day...

Utter relaxation: Agatha Christie late afternoon while drinking a glass of wine.

Anticipation: Canada in the fall...God willing, see you soon, family...

Brief!

Another week has come and gone, and what a busy one it was! I have been a working grandma all week - helping Grace with poor, sick little Cora; taking Maryanne's kids for a couple of days; then having Rick, Susanna, and their kids for the rest of the week. It was delightful - so many of those little adorable things called grandchildren coming and going, one after the other....

Then, yesterday I taught Sunday School and had nursery duty, so someone else's baby slept in my arms the whole service! Providential that the baby was so tired, as I got to hear the guest preacher who took over from Wayne...An English man who introduced his time by recounting the reduced numbers of churches in his area of northeast England - 90% fewer than a century ago...Fallen, fallen is England the Great!

Our weather the last couple of days has been the glorious fall sunshine with deep blue skies that have been the norm most of our years here, but not this season...So good to get out and walk across the bridge, around the museum etc. What a beautiful community this is!

God willing, we are set to go to Canada the end of next week. We hope to leave Thursday for Tim and AIleen's, then Tuesday for Ottawa. If possible, I would then like to go to Montreal and the Eastern Townships for a couple of days from there. An ambitious schedule, but one I would be thrilled with, if goes according to plan.

So, I will close with a little Emma-ism, as I gave her noodles that didn't match her idea of proper portions: Mimi, that is very much little!....

Saturday

Wednesday was Grandparents' Day at Anna and Josh's school, so I headed over there early in the morning. I love the school atmosphere. I breathe in the smells, delight in the background hum of noises that follow you down the halls...The invitation was to share lunch with the children in the cafeteria and I must admit there was more than a hum there - quite a din, in fact. First, Joshie's class came in and I sat with him while he ate his from-home lunch. Interestingly, the little boy who seems to be his best friend - who sat across from us seems to be - surprise! surprise! -Dutch! During the meal, his cupcake slid onto the floor and under Josh's feet, resulting in mush all through the treads of his brand new sneakers...Uh-oh! Tears! But I took them to the washroom and managed to get most of it out...He kept hinting to me that the most stupendous surprise was waiting for me in his classroom, and wouldn't say any more than it had a handprint on it, and a poem...We went back to the room after lunch and there was indeed a Joshie card, which Mimi loves!

Classes resumed for Josh, and Anna come to the cafeteria about an hour later. She was so delighted to see me there - hugs and kisses, kisses and hugs! It was interesting seeing her classmates - looking so much older than Josh and his friends. We sat beside the boy who wants to marry her, but didn't have a proper chance to vet him. Pat will have to do that when he can.

I stayed the night in Woodstock in order to have a proper visit with the kids, then headed home the next day via Costco. Just before I left, Grace arrived for an overnight visit to alleviate the loneliness of new-motherhood. So glad that can happen...Home again to clean our house and the church, preparing for the weekend...Rick and Susanna are leaving NYC today, hoping to arrive at Maryanne's late this evening, so tomorrow Dad, Andrew and I will also go after church. We can then celebrate Susanna's birthday as an almost complete family...Yet always with a big hole in the middle when Tim, Aileen and their kids are missing...

To backtrack for a minute, spent much of Friday trying to figure out how to renew my Permanent Resident status here...very confusing, ambiguous instructions...Called lawyers, senators, congressmen...Guess I will try to send in everything but the kitchen sink in terms of documentation, hoping the right pieces will be included!

Finally, I have been reading a kids' biography of the Wright brothers - brought up in a Christian family, though unsure whether or not they personally believed - not enough information. The most interesting paragraph in the book came toward the end, when they had begun to fly regularly and consistently around their hometown of Dayton, Ohio. Nobody in the world could do what they were doing. They were FLYING, in public view, around tram lines....What was the response? "Strangely, even though passengers on the interurban trolley occasionally saw their plane in the air, they were not impressed. If those derby-hatted boys are really flying, the newspapers would mention it. But since the papers were silent, they merely shrugged. Indeed, one day as Wilber and Orville were heading toward Simms Station, (where they flew) they heard a burly man exclaim angrily, 'That would be as impossible as for a man to fly.'".. Frightening! People believe what they are told, rather than the plain evidence of their eyes, ears and minds - common sense, in its original meaning...Good grief!

Hmmm

Saturday night John went out the back door to do something and came in with the unwelcome news that our bbq was gone - missing in action! Cover and all! All right! Who might the suspects be? The young people across the road that had a party Friday night? Several cars were parked in the church lot...Did some of them come out late that evening and think it looked like easy pickings? But John says no. They had only cars - no trucks - and very nice ones at that. They look like people who work for a living, rather than steal...Then who, say I?...Who else but, asks my trusty husband, the people who live behind us?...A whirling mass of humanity, constantly shifting - various sexes, colors, ages come and go - Most looking like they do NOT work for a living....I am miffed and phone the local police. A young man is there within minutes. I tell him the bbq was certainly not valuable, but - it was ours! And I do not like the thought of thieves prowling about the house when I am alone so much...Is this indeed a dangerous neighbourhood? Does he have ideas as to who the thieves might be? We chat a little longer, and our neighbours - the very ones - come driving up in their beat-up car, pony tails and dreadlocks flying. "I think that might be your answer", says he. Seems he knows them well. She has two older sons who are around alot, live down the street....We concur that the bbq probably took a hike in that direction...But what do we do? No answers as no proof of anything...In any case, he is a personable and intelligent young man and we talk for almost an hour about this and that...The next afternoon, I tell my sad tale to the women in our church Bible study...And the next day, the bbq fairies bring it back, yes, the very one, and place in the right spot, looking like it had never wandered. Am I accusing someone in the church of stealing it? Of course not. But I wouldn't be surprised if one of the (scary) men had a talk with the suspects...Or maybe they saw the big, burly policeman beckoning in their direction ....Or maybe they had sudden and intense qualms of conscience. I don't know. But I am content....

Bits and Pieces

I found "Hermans Hermits on the Danny Kaye Show" the other day. It featured kids dancing in front of "Herman" as he sang. Did people ever really dance like that? Unbelievably graceless and ugly...I knew as a teen I couldn't dance, but I now wonder whether anyone could!...Grammie had a cousin, Howard Hamilton, who was the General manager of the Montreal Forum. So when the group played there, he got Aunt Laura and I, plus one of Aunt Laura's friend, tickets to see them. We spent hours hand-lettering signs telling the group we loved them, and - forgot them at home. Just as well!..As usual, Bapa was commandeered to drive us there - which he did with good grace. A funny little memory...

I was telling Dad this morning about Nick's new independence-not allowing his parents to show him physical affection while in public. Dad responded by saying how, when he and Grandma visited New York City together when Dad was a teen, he wouldn't even walk with her, but stayed several paces behind. We began to crack up as we pictured it...Beautiful, stylish Grandma walking alone while her pimply, overweight, awkward son stayed behind so as not to be seen with her! Ha! HA! Ha! If teens only saw themselves objectively! But good that they don't. How many would get through those years?

I have been reading Numbers in the OT. Remember the daughters of Zelophehad - no brothers and their father died, so they petitioned to be allowed to inherit their fathers' land? That right was granted them, and they could "marry whom they thought best", as long as they chose within the clan - in order to safeguard the land to their father's tribe...Corinthian widows also could marry whoever they wanted as long as he was "in the Lord"...I have been reading several books about women in Muslim countries lately, and am amazed how much freedom the true God has given to women. SO glad I am a Christian!

In the NT, am about to begin Romans with my new ESV with study notes. Am excited - my favorite book of the Bible...Here are a couple of introductory sentences from my Bible..."All the reformers saw Romans as the God-given key to understanding all Scripture...From the vantage point given by Romans, the whole landscape of the Bible is open to view, and the relation of the parts to the whole becomes plain..." Amen! "If you ain't Paul-ine, you ain't (properly) Christ-ine!"

Coffee

Alright, all you committed coffee drinkers out there - and I know I have at least several in my small audience - Why is it that very strong coffee bothers me physically much less than weaker coffee? I was talking with Flora this morning and she has noticed the exact same phenomenon...Has to be a reason! Any theories?

Silver

Several months ago, I read that silver is a wonderful bacteria reducer in hospitals. I believe that if it is used in air vents, it prevents bacteria from being blown from area to area - kills them....I was reading online last night that the anti-bacterial properties of silver have long been known...Apparently, farmers traditionally used silver buckets to store their fresh milk, if possible - kept it from spoiling...People used to throw a silver dollar in wells, in rain barrels to protect their water. Finally, during times of plague, parents would give their small children silver spoons to suck on in order to kill incoming bacteria - Thus, the saying, "Born with a silver spoon in his mouth". Interesting, huh?

In any case, I'm off the the trailer park in a few minutes - to vacuum a flea-infested unit and wait for the exterminator to come and finish off the job! May drop in on Grace enroute if I have the time.

NYT

The New York Times alluded to the Book of Revelation on their website in July...What was it about? THE EUPHRATES RIVER IS DRYING UP...As is forecast in Revelation 16:12...Amazing.

We had a lovely Saturday birthday celebration for Maryanne in Chattanooga....The two babies added a certain "Je ne sais quoi" to the proceedings....Maybe the seasoned parents can add the substance....A little noise and confusion, snuffling, warmth, nothing like new baby....Others all went to the aquarium property to let kids paddle in the streams, listen to buskers while I picked up Dad from the garage in Ringgold - alas, another truck repair, though - fortunately -not a major one...Had our official cake with candles, balloons, and the simplest preparations brought great joy to the children!

Grace and Justin made their first church service as a family of three the next day - so nice to see them and cuddle a grandchild through the sermon....So many grandchildren, but - so far-no church connection with any...Have missed that terribly. We had a fellowship meal afterward - met a visitor - very interesting woman who does family counselling as a psychotherapist. She was explaining her antipathy to performances, non-rational presentations in church, saying they generally stimulate and strengthen the impulsive centres of your brain - to the detriment of logical thought. Hope to see her again...

Tomorrow, Grace and I will drive to the Atlanta airport, pick up Aileen, then visit awhile with Maryanne before heading home again. Grace is finding being a new mom a lonely business, so is looking forward to the company of a day away...I do remember those feelings when I think back...

Have had a couple of notes from my cousin, Terry Belford, lately...He often begins them with "Well, my dear"...Who does that remind you of? Exactly like Bapa! So touching. I love it! ...You should look up some of his writing. He is always busy with the major Canadian magazines and newspapers....


Have been reading Spurgeon's "John Ploughman". John says he would rather meet a person actively involved in wickedness than a lazy man - in whom are all the seeds and potentialities for evil...Interesting...Reminds me of Muggeridge, I believe it was, who said history, with all its evils, could be written as a response to boredom....


Enough!

A beautiful, bright sunny morning here and the day is off to a good start...Up early with Bible study and walk in at a good hour...A few little errands to accomplish this morning, then off to Grace and Justin's to see them plus Maryanne and kids - coming to meet little Cora. We will leave earlyish to meet our friends Mick and Sandy, who are coming for dinner. Looking forward to it, as we always enjoy their company.

Update on the trailer park: Chris and Sonja are out. You may remember that Chris is the former marine who was reading MacArthur, was hauled off to jail for physical abuse toward his wife. Apparently, he had a complete breakdown a few days ago and was committed to an institution by Sonja. She then packed up and left, taking a radiator from our property as a tip to herself. Sigh! In any case, Randy and Darlene, our long-term, stellar tenants, recommended a young woman with a couple of children who will move in on Monday. We hope for better things from her...I am finding it increasingly difficult to be part of the lives of people who are so devastated by sin, so "hopeless"as to their condition. It really takes a lot out of me. But -without being superspiritual, just as a statement of theological fact - how it increasingly impresses me that God has come close to this spiritually- similar- and- more- so- being, in friendship! Wow!

Will push off now as have to begin my round of errands...Am counting the days until we see Aileen, the Rick and Susanna!

This and That

It is going to be a long night as I hunker down and wait to hear from Grace and Justin. They went off to a nice local restaurant - the Bonefish Grill-to celebrate their last day as a couple and the almost- first day of parenthood. They are due at he hospital at ten, so trust they are on their way now.

I spent yesterday and most of today with Maryanne, helping her with Will, doing some cleaning, and just hanging out with them all. I had a great conversation with Anna:
Anna: Mimi, there is a boy at school named Brock who I think has fallen in love with me.
Mimi: Really?
Anna: Yes, he came and wanted to sit beside me today.
Mimi: What did you do?
Anna: I hit him over the head with my book.
Mimi: Oh? And what did he do then?
Anna: He said he wouldn't be my friend anymore.
Mimi: Well!

Next:
Anna: And when Nick (Challies) was here at Christmas, he asked me whether I would marry him.
Mimi: Oh?
Anna: I told him we are cousins and cousins can't get married! Anyway, he has to live in Canada and I have to live in Georgia. I don't think that would work very well if we were married, do you?
Mimi: Probably not...

Another little anecdote, from Toronto....I was singing tunelessly , as I often do, when Michaela said, Mimi, God says that grandmas shouldn't sing to their grandchildren....(I'm awfully afraid I won't make the cut for that heavenly choir!)

Another anecdote, from NYC...Mom is cleaning for Susanna, and opens the pantry closet...Ummm! Candied nuts! I'll pop one in my mouth while I clean....Yikes!....Susanna, what are these? Oh, that's old potpourri we keep in there...(And what exactly was it I popped in my mouth? Don't know!)

Susanna has been speaking with different homeless men as she goes about her business in Brooklyn...She has been able to talk spiritually with some, and finds they are quite open to this...Seems many are illiterate, so she wants to take her Bible to be able to read to the last one she spoke with. Couldn't that be an interesting ministry?...Also, did you know Rick is reading through unabridged Treasure Island with Micah??!!

Will be in touch tomorrow about Baby. Do keep Grace and Cora in prayer, those who are night-wanderers!

Cars

I went to transfer the title of our new (old) car on Friday....First stop was the emissions office...Did it pass? No, it didn't. I take for granted that when someone sells an older car, there is a repair bill looming and now I know what that was....I went to the first garage I came to with emissions service. The fellow did a "smoke test" and said he identified the problem, which will cost a cool $600 to fix. No thanks....I came home and phoned a Toyota dealership in Dalton. Their price was $100 less than the one first quoted! Then, I phoned a local fellow who has been very highly recommended. He thinks the problem is - that I have not been turning the gas cap tightly enough....He wants me to remedy that, then drive for awhile and see what happens. He will then reread the code and see if all is well....I will keep you posted.

PResidents

Was out with Grace yesterday helping her to kill time at Barnes and Noble...Picked up a Newsmax magazine and was reading an interview with various Secret Service men giving their close-up impressions of different presidents from Kennedy through Obama....

A quiz, answers at bottom:

1) Who was absolutely the most obnoxious, arrogant of the lot - wouldn't allow eye-contact from the men, wouldn't speak with them, be spoken to by them, made them carry his luggage? (until they wouldn't and he left on trips luggageless a time or two)

2) Who was said to be "strong-willed,determined and very intelligent"?

3) Who was "weird"?

4)Who would the Secret Service play practical jokes on? His wife loved them all and continued to keep in touch with them.

5) Which first lady asked that they call her by her first name?

6)Who was extremely upset when a protester gave him a Hitler salute?

7) Whose Secret Service stayed in close touch with his wife's, protecting him from being "found out"?

8) Who was vile, slept with various other women almost in front of his wife?



1)Carter

2) Bush Jr.

3)Nixon

4)Bush Sr.

5)Michelle Obama

6)Reagan

7)Kennedy

8)Johnson

Another interesting anecdote...A Secret Service agent stepped into the elevator with Reagan...As the door was closing, an aide rushed to him to tell him of presidential candidate (Gary?) Hart's adultery, being splashed across the newspapers. Reagan responded, "Boys will be boys." Then in the elevator, he continued to his agent, "But boys do not become president."...

Interesting vignettes....

Whew!

No, it wasn't my imagaination. It really happened...The little guy smiled at me last night - just a half-smile, a fleeting smile but I saw it! Again, I stand amazed at what a human being is, how God has created us for interaction..Barely out of the womb and already interactive Incredible!

Dad and Andrew left yesterday afternoon for home so I am the lone visitor at this point...Gave Maryanne's main floor a good cleaning this morning so should leave her content - as she saidl that is her love language - not flowers and gifts from me....And, see, Susanna, I told you I clean for everyone when I can....I suppose it is my love-language to give!

I will haead off this afternoon for Chattanooga - want to be back to see Dad off this evening...Hope to see Grace this week as I know the time hangs heavy for her, then help Dad get the last trailers ready to be rented out....I had hoped to see Alicia a final time before she leaves for Philadelphia but, unfortunately, that is not going to work...

Again, all is well at the Helms'...Older children happy with their new school year and Emma due to begin nursery school next week...Tim told me on the phone yesterday that they have successfully ordered their new Ikea furniture -have completely cleared out their main living area - so am anxious to see their new look...Think it will be wonderful....He has promised photos!

All for now as I am on the run to get tasks finished before I leave!

Got the kids in bed at a not quite orthodox, but no so very disrespectable, nine o'clock...Anna then crept out of her bed to sleep with me, leaving Emma the lone occupant of their bedroom....However, Emma was knock-knocking at the door by seven, or so...We all got up and Grace and I drank coffee and chatted, until Grace and Justin took the kids to the pool- so I could do some much-needed tidying. Pat and Maryanne arrived home about an hour ago to a clean house, fruit salad that Anna had made for her mommy, and great joy from the children....Maryanne has a much bruised nether-area so is handling life gently for now...Pat will be in charge of restraining her from doing too much this week. I will return in a few days once he has gone back to work....SO, all is well. We have much to be thankful for!

Had the kids at the hospital for a couple of hours today...So exciting for them to meet their new little brother. They all held him,kissed him, cuddled him - what a gift this little one is for the whole family. When we left, Anna was sobbing, Josh upset that they have to leave him behind for another 24 hours...Bodes well for the long-term, doesn't it? I am back at Maryanne's for another day or two. Grace and Justin have been to the hospital, as well, are now on their way back to Maryanne's for the night; Dad and Andrew will come tomorrow...Will all head back on Monday. Miss you otheres at a distance SO much!...By the way, was just listening to some of the most beautiful music in he world....Go to "The Magic of Bulgarian Voices and Music-Malka Moma/Little Girl" and enjoy!

SBC

About forty kids with adult leaders descended on our small congregation yesterday. They call themselves the "World Changers" and are part of a larger group from the southern Baptist Convention. They send teams all over the US each summer helping churches and individuals with building and renovation needs. They will be here all week helping with roofing, painting and some renovation as well. What they accomplished today was really phenomenal - awesomely awesome, Susanna...I think Obama needs to incorporate many SBCers into his government to get things working efficiently. Think it will happen?

Miscellanea

I returned from Susanna's last Wednesday after a lovely week with her and family. I enjoyed, again, just living her life alongside her - walking, enjoying the activity of the ever-busy streets, hanging out at parks while watching the children play, finding wonderful bagels for lunch, visiting very diverse friends with this connoisseur of people, and drinking their delicious "Gorilla" coffee. It was so much fun spending time with a slightly older and much more verbal Micah, and getting to know little toddler-Ellie. High points outside the regular, very pleasant routine, were two visits to Prospect Park - for the New York symphony concert and for a Sunday afternoon picnic- then out day's outing to the Connecticut seaside. We visited cousin Betty's beautiful village of Stonington on Saturday though, unfortunately, she was not home....Maybe next time. I also enjoyed a quick visit with Tom Yagoda - always so faithful to come by, then lunch out with Toni. Grandma has broken her hip badly in a fall, but with typical determination is on the mend. Toni said she expected to go to Chaffey's shortly so guess she would be there now - for a week or so...

I flew into JFK but out from LaGuardia. On the first leg of the journey - from New York to Atlanta- I was in front of a consummate salesmen-type. I could distinguish little of his ongoing chat with his seatmate once we were in the air, but did get some fragments of a business call while still on the tarmac..."Hi, Mel, so how are we doing today?...That's super, just super!...And how are things moving along?...Awesome! Awesomely awesome!..." And, mercifully, I heard no more.

In Atlanta, we passengers had all boarded a small plane to fly to Chattanooga, were belted, had heard the safety presentation then sat...and sat...and sat. The auxiliary power apparatus had failed...Would they be able to fix it? Maybe...And we sat some more...Finally, we were released back to the airport for a two-hour wait while Delta tried to formulate plans...No, plane couldn't be fixed on the spot so another came round. On we got again and it was time for the door to be closed. The ground crew member shouted up, "It doesn't close properly. I'll push and you pull...." And that's how it was...All ready to go when the flight door opened. Oh, no. What now? And a huge tray with fast food is handed up to the stewardess who opens a storage area above the front seats and puts it in...for the crew, whenever they have time to eat it, they are so far behind schedule...Twenty minutes in the air and we are in Chattanooga...The pilot comes out to push open the faulty door and almost tumbles out with the force of the free-fall...Well, I'm home!

Katherine, the minister's wife, asked me to give a brief devotional for Grace's shower so I decided to talk around the proverb, "The wise woman builds her house. with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down." That proverb has always alarmed me - that I have the power to tear down my house and all that I hold most dear...I began to think through the only alternative to this - to grow in sincere godliness, of course, and tried to apply this - practically - to the mothers of young children always so tired and strapped for time. I calculated that if a young mom spends even fifteen minutes a day six days a week in Bible study and prayer, the another ten to fifteen a day with a devotional time with her husband....Add to this a forty-five minute sermon she really attends to, half an hour of Sunday School, plus half an hour of study mid-week - this is a grand total of almost six hours of devotional time per week. Add to that the bullet prayers Christians pray throughout the day, and it is truly enough for a rich spiritual life, nothing to be ashamed of in that busy season of life...Twice the alloted time for the average university course!

Finally, I am an inveterate t-shirt slogan reader...My favorite from NYC: "A good lawyer knows the law. The best lawyer knows the judge...."

Grown Men Cry

Hi, Darlene. I'm here to collect the rent...How are you all? I notice Dave and Carol aren't home. Is everything all right there?.....Well, things aren't going well. The law have been at their place a few times and last night I heard, "Sheriff's department. Freeze! And they took Dave away. Then yesterday three trucks came and took all of Carol's things out of the trailer. She has moved out....Crumbs! Dave phoned a couple of days ago and told me he had the rent. Now they are gone! Phooey!!!!....John and I go down to their trailer and look around. Noone there, for sure. We go inside to see what is what. Most of the stuff is gone, all that belonged to Carol. There is still a grandfather clock in the corner, bunkbeds for the boys in the second bedroom, lots of clothes in the master bedroom and in the living room on the sofa are....three study Bibles and a John MacArthur book....They must be Dave's. Carol took all that belonged to her. I can see that....Nothing wrong with Dave's brain - a smart guy, former marine turned tatoo artist!...We go outside and over to the trailer we want to paint....Then, a little later, up drives Carol with her two boys....Hi, there, Carol. What's up? How are you? ...Awful. I just want to crawl somewhere and hide...Things are bad, huh? What in the world happened with Dave?...Remember that time he got so angry? Dfax were called and they have become involved with our family. They have demanded the boys and I go for counselling. I don't know whether I have done something wrong, or whether the police came for Dave because I won't lay charges against him and Dfax is concerned...I don't know what has happened. I don't know why Dave is in jail...And they won't give me a lawyer because I haven't committed crime...I have just been talking with Dave's brother and he said Dave is howling in jail, all the other inmates are making fun of him because he won't stop...So what are you thinking, Carol? Do you want to keep the trailer another month, or are you going to go your separate ways?...And she pays the rent. She is committed to another month of trying to keep their marriage together...

And today She tells me Dave's mother, a policewoman, has paid Dave's bail and got him into a treatment program for depression...He should be out in a few days...Father, may we, and especially John, have opportunity to share the words of life with him. May he hear and understand. May he be given new life....

And yesterday I heard the sobs of another man on the other end of the socio-economic spectrum...

Calvert

He comes over frequently and is truly a ray of sunshine in our lives - Calvert, from the Virgin Islands, and here to fundraise so he can return and teach in a local theological college as soon as possible...Strong premillenial convictions, voracious reader, lover of debate, worldview and Reformed theology....Knowledgeable as to the Illuminat and Catholicism...He keeps us on our toes...An interesting conduit into the black church community - encouraging us as he cites their increasing commitment to sound biblical theology and their level of preaching...How he copes with the loss of his bright, island home I don't know but he never complains, totally upbeat...A jewel and a privilege to get to know...

Thanksgiving

I am not a big worrier about my grandchildren, at least, not any more than most women, but the last few days I have been worried and I'm not sure why. I have not wanted to pick up the phone when one of my kids has called, worried that there could be bad news. Well, today Maryanne called and I had that same feeling. She said "hello" and I immediately asked whether everything was all right...And it was. But it almost wasn't....She had been at the beach with the three children when a sudden storm had blown up. She had quickly gathered the children and was ready to cross the highway to go back to the beach house. All of a sudden Anna, in panic from the thunder and lightening, dashed into the highway to cross over - right in the path of two trucks, one coming from either direction. When the dust cleared, she was on the other side of the highway, but Maryanne thought she had just seen her daughter being killed....We are indeed immortal til our work for Christ is done, and I thank God for caring so well for our precious Anna. Who could replace her? May His angels continue to guard each one of these little ones we would all so readily lay down our lives for....Thank-you, Father!

On a lighter note, Dad and I drove our new car to Alabama today - first to Huntsville, then back to Chattanooga via the Cumberland Plateau. We found an exquisite little college town on acreage owned by the Anglican church. They own each building on these hundreds of acres, just leasing some for set periods...Others they reserve for themselves - an Anglican world, really. But such aesthetics! For better and for worse, liberals "do" aesthetics better than conservatives, don't they?

We are looking forward to the July 4th celebration in Chattanooga tomorrow. They symphony plays on the riverbank, then there are fireworks over the water. We sat happily for hours last year taking it all in...Apparently, some municipalities have been forced to cancel their celebrations as a cost-cutting measure but, happily, that is not the case here....Sunday, we will have a young couple from the church over for lunch -will be fun to get to know them better....

Fianlly, I am reading a book Andrew gave me about the Civil War called, "War Crimes Against Southern Civilians". Southerners, of course, feel the war was as much about states rights as slavery, and feel they were most unjustly trodden underfoot. They were also subjected to systematic brutalization from the north. The author quotes a prominent southern abolitionist in his forward:
The principle, on which the war was waged by the north, was simply this: That men may rightfully be compelled to submit to, and support, a government that they do not want; and that resistance, on their part, makes them traitors and criminals.
No principle, that is possible to be named, can be more self-evidently fatal to all political freedom. Yet it triumphed in the field, and is now assumed to be established. If it really be established, the number of slaves, in stead of having been diminished by the war, has been greatly increased; for a man, thus subjected to a government he does not want, is a slave.

A little addendum to this topic: We were listening to NPR on the way home and they had audio of the 75th anniversary reunion of some surviving soldiers from the Battle of Gettysburg - in 1938...One of the Confederates gave the Rebel cry - the only recording anywhere of that. You can find it on video on Youtube....

Those Tiny Ones

I am so glad we have Emma here...The last few days, Beba has fallen into very bad habits. He continually forgets himself and says things like, "Don't say boobie"...What would we do if we didn't have Emma here to continually spank him when he is naughty?

And how I love hearing Micah sing his little heart out to me when I call, consoling Michaela when Mommy leaves and her world has fallen to pieces....Don't I love my grandchildren? They are all my treasures, my gray-hair rewards...but those littlest ones keep me infinitely amused!...

Choices

I have a choice right now, here, today. I can either choose to actively re-engage with life, or not...The past few years have been hard, no question about it. I have lost my remaining children, our financial future is shot, there have been stresses in our marriage, loneliness due to constant moves, confusion and upheaval in society at large...So, what do I want? Do I choose to be like Pam's friend, Carol? She has just died and Pam spent the last two weeks of her life with her. She had had struggles and stresses in her life, disappointments and heartaches...but was a lovely Christian woman....However, she did not seem to die well. She was uninterested in Scripture, in all spiritual talk, in any communication whatsoever...Why? I think I know...Because she disengaged from life, ever so little years ago, because of the pain, the disappointment....And the habit grew. Distance and more distance...Less and less interest...And then with increasing age, a feeling that this world was not her world in any case. And not just from a Christian stance ...Familiar people, places, society - All gone....And it was just too hard to commit to going back into the struggle, the struggle of a soldier on active duty until death...She did not deny the faith. Never. But she didn't live it triumphantly until the end....So now I have my choice to make. And so will you. Do I get back into battle formation or not? Right now. My heart and my mind say together: yes, yes, yes...Amen!

Books

I am absolutely lost without books by my side - especially necessary through the wee hours of the morning when, so often, I am awake. I have run out of our own books - so many are still packed-and my Tim books finished, so have begun to re-read various ones...A good thing, on the whole, as so much information to digest. Still, I have been lonely for new reading. Yesterday,we visited Ken and Jane Stewart, our friends from Scotland. We have kept up with them intermittently since then, and was lovely to have a few hours to spend with them. Jane is part of a book club, so gave me the choice of various of her books to bring home for a time. I chose "Pat Nixon: The Untold Story" , by her daughter, Julie Nixon Eisenhower, and "Three Cups of Tea", by a fellow who wandered into a Pakistani village, became intimate with the people, and now builds schools for girls there and in Afghanistan....This afternoon I wandered into Wayne's church office and liberated a couple of books from him -with his permission, of course!...Darwin's Black Box and some Spurgeon sermons. Then, this evening, Calvert brought over two books on African-American Christian heroes. I am so grateful - now ready to enjoy those otherwise frustrating hours of insomnia...

Some wonderful words from Spurgeon's biography I re-read this afternoon: The other day I was riding home after a heavy day's work. I felt weary and sore depressed, when swiftly and suddenly that text came to me' "My grace is sufficient for thee." I reached home and looked it up in the original, and at last it came to me in this way, "My grace is sufficient for THEE," and I said,"I should think it is, Lord," and I burst out laughing. I never understood what holy laughter of Abraham was until then. It seemed to make unbelief so absurd....O brethren, be great believers. Little faith will bring your souls to heaven, but great faith will bring heaven to your souls.

Odds and Ends Again

My friend Becky recently posted on her Facebook that her younger son had been accused of biting his sister. His response was, "I was just kissing her with my teeth!"

Things you don't want to hear from your end of the phone: "Baby, Baby, watch out! You're going to get hit!...Ahhh! Click...But it turned out to be perfectly minor and understandable!

I have begun to read my big, fat biography of Truman again. Since reading it the first time, I have read a big, fat biography of Churchill, as well, and a short sketch of Roosevelt by his former son-in-law. I am really trying to understand this era of western history...SO well written and a pleasure to read.

Grace and I stepped very close to what we think was a rattlesnake while walking last weekend.

Maryanne's wonderful neighbors held a surprise shower for her last night.

We are going to have dinner with Ken and Jane Stewart Saturday night. Remember them from Edinburgh? He is now a professor of NT studies at Covenant, though studied church history...They have been most faithful friends through the years - am looking forward to seeing them again.

It is finally, consistently HOT here....Hooray for a/c!

Our church has purchased a bbq, so will grill before midweek meeting tonight...Looking forward to hamburgers...

Our Outing

Dad and I drive down the road to the trailer park. Oh, no! Frank's's car is in his driveway! Surely that can't mean - He is without work again. We are hoping to get rent from him today. Yup...That temp job that promised much has lasted just four days. Although he has very little money left and has pawned many of his items, I take twenty dollars from him....Monthly electric bill has to be paid on Wednesday and we will need it...Hope his job possibility for Wednesday works out. If not, we will have to ask him to leave, which we hate to do, and have tried to avoid. Still,I think the time will have come!

There is John's trailer on the lift...Wonder if he and Nancy are back together. He went into a screaming fit a couple of weeks age, frightening her. She had the boys call Family Services and, when they realized John had a criminal record of pulling a gun on his former wife, they demanded that the children leave the home. Nancy went with them voluntarily...They should all be together again by now, but see no sign of anyone home. Apparently, they are here again, but have been heard arguing loudly. Hope they stay. For all the fireworks, they are basically responsible and have been good tenants.

On to Danny's old trailer to try and clean it into some rentable state. Ooooh. Stuff everywhere and what a smell! I start in the kitchen, pulling out the stove to see what might be there. Nameless, amorphous debris. I pull on gloves and start to pick up the biggest clumps in preparation for vacuuming. Yikes! I have a dead, dessicated mouse by the tail! Disgusting! But actually the place is not as filthy as I thought it might be. Dad and I make good progress putting it to rights. But he will have to do a little construction work before we can rent it out.

Time to go and collect the rent from Peter and Silvia...Peter, did you get your government check back yet?...It was stolen by the daughter of the people who now rent Doug and Ellen's old trailer. It was taken from their mailbox, then the girl attempted to cash it at Walmart - caught on tape. She is now out until trial and, in the meantime, her sister has been arrested with her husband, for breaking and entering....Still, the parents are quiet, orderly, and pay their rent faithfully. Peter now gets all his checks by direct deposit and I hope all will work out...I ask Silvia how her son and his wife, Gail, are doing....I haven't seen them in a while. Gail's son overdosed, was found dead in the woods. They think someone gave him the drug...You mean he was murdered?....Yes...Gail is not doing too well....

Then I get a call from Jane. She and her husband are going away for a week to visit their marine son in Texas. Do I want their rent now or when they return? Now please....Thanks...Her husband is very ill with liver damage from years of drug abuse. They almost couldn't rent the house because he has to live very close to the county where he was arrested for drug dealing. But they have become Christians in recent years and are good tenants and pleasant company. I always enjoy chatting with them.

I go back to Danny's old trailer and begin to clean again....Hello, who are you? Oh, you are the guy who lives in the trailer across from our property. No, we don't want to hire anyone for that. We will do it ourselves....John? So he is the convicted rapist? The one who is in and out of jail all the time?

The others I know and understand, but that last guy really makes me nervous!

lundi

Yesterday was a fairly quiet day - stayed for just half of church in the morning as was feeling so very tired - again, am sure it is just the aftermath of fiddling with my bp medication...Then went out with Dad for awhile in the afternoon - down to the Riverbend festival. We did not actually participate, but wandered around listening to various musical groups setting up for later in the day...Then home and again missed evening service. Today, though, thankfully, I feel much better. Never again will I try to wean myself from my medication - too dangerous!

Decided to walk through the Riverbend venue again this morning, after last night's festivities, and was absolutely amazed at how much mess was left behind - beer bottles, coke cans, water bottles, cigarettes - yuck! They had several cleaning squads out to deal with it all and apparently within a couple of hours all looks lovely and fresh again - hard to believe!...As I wandered, I saw a great bumper sticker: "Dyslexic? Write for help"

Today Grace and I went shopping together - first to Target, then Aldi's....A need I noticed in the retail market: Nice sympathy cards for a person who has lost a parent that - through truly terrible behaviour -forfeited all natural affection from her child...I want to acknowledge the death, but how?

As to the ongoing saga of the car, I took it to a garage I trust in Ringgold and again they told me not to put money into it. The transmission does seem to be slipping, so that could be our next big expense...So, I stopped at the used car lot I had intended to visit on Friday. They have a 2001 Corolla there, with 107,000 miles, that they are selling for $5000...WOuld give me trade -in value for the wreck of $700-$800....The owner says he has been driving it himself the last few weeks - that it is an excellent little vehicle...Hope to go and look at it again tomorrow.

Will keep you posted!

Man oh Man

Yesterday morning I opened my eyes about two AM...And the world does not look right. Instead of staying in place as it should, it begins to spin round and round...What? Stop it, please!...I get out of bed and realize I am very nauseated. Am I sick or is this blasted spinning making me so dizzy I feel ill?...I sneak down to the bathroom so I don't wake Dad and open the toilet cover, looking down at the water and crouching over it, getting ready to do what will probably come next...Except it doesn't. All right. A decision to make. What is happening here? Will I go with the thesis of illness, or is it that-yet again- I have thought I can get away without high blood pressure medication and I can't...No way to determine that absolutely right now - no cuff- but will go with that hypothesis. And I swallow twice the regular, minute quantity of lisinopril that I usually take....Back to bed....When I wake up, I feel somewhat better, though my head aches. I hang around doing a few things, then head over to Walmart to take my bp...Regular old machine. Let's see what it can do..135 over 79. That's not so bad...Try again a few minutes later...107 over 69. Hey, that's low. But why am I still feeling so crummy?...I get on the highway in my creaky car and head toward Ringgold and the nearest Wachovia bank. I do my banking, drop in to visit Grace quickly, then head off to a used car lot I want to visit....But there is a CVS Pharmacy on the way - think I will stop and take my blood pressure once more. I really do not feel right...And I do, using a brand new state of the art machine...Whoa! No way I am doing anything but going right home and swallowing a complete pill - four times the amount I normally take...Hope I make it without blowing a valve....OK. Back safe and sound...So life resumes its normal course. I go to the pharmacy to pick up more medication I have had on file for several weeks. I determine to measure my bp once more....and...it is low, so low I feel dozey...Well, back to my regular dosage, I guess, and will just have to live with the low readings that are normal if I take any medication at all. Better than my head blowing up, right ?

Ordinary

'Twas a busy weekend, indeed! I began Saturday with a long walk - have been trying to up my walk time to at least an hour per day, driving to the river, parking, then going across the walking bridge, into the art district, and along the river...So very, very beautiful. I have given up walking in this area altogether as the best of the city is so close to us, and SO much more pleasant than what is in Red Bank...Pat and Maryanne, then Andrew, Grace and Justin came over to celebrate Dad's sixtieth birthday with us. They, of course, brought lots of specialty foods as gifts - Dad's perennial favorite! Little Anna gave Dad two gifts - her first tooth that had just fallen out, then the dollar she had received for it under her pillow. Isn't that the widow's mite?...Maryanne stayed overnight with the older children, in order to be here for the shower Alicia planned for Grace Sunday afternoon. As that was also the time of fellowship meal at church, we went from event to event! The girls all contributed food and provided Grace with many wonderful gifts - a car seat, dresses, towels, sheets etc. - much of what little Cora will need to begin with! They are lovely girls - each one of them - and it was fun to see them all again.

I have again walked each morning this week - loving seeing people and am sleeping better with more exercise. I have so much catching up to do as have really been on the border of nervous exhaustion, I think....Have just been enjoying chatting with whichever person I happen to encounter as I stroll around downtown with no deadline!

Mike and Sally Joss are going to visit Saturday, so we will have lunch here, then try to listen in on some of what is happening at the Riverbend venues - the big musical festival held here annually...Because events are held by the river, and sound carries so well, we should be able to hear everything well, without having to purchase tickets.

Dad is with Babs today, trying to clarify what needs to be done both at her condominium and at their estate...Will let you know what they conclude. I have not yet done anything about the car, but will definitely have to make a decision this week to either fix it or get something else, Life is on hold until we have reliable wheels again!

So, nothing special, but such as it is ....

Enfin

Sorry I have not posted lately, but I guess it is no secret that I have been vacationing in the Slough of Despond for the last few weeks. I am now on my feet again and ready for life....And it has been good.

Thanks so much to Rick and Susanna for giving Dad such a wonderful holiday in NYC. He enjoyed it immensely, and we have both been refreshed through it. You are wonderfully hospitable, R & S - so lovely to spend time with you, always!

Last Monday Andrew, Pat and Maryanne,Grace and Justin came over so we could spend Memorial Day together. What a wonderful city this is for wiling away a few hours. We headed over to the fountain so the kids could play for an hour, ride the carousel, then went to Green Life for gelato...On home for a bbq...A lovely day.

Yesterday was my last regular day with the Ryans...They will probably have me back the odd time to babysit...The kids had a "National Mrs. Challies Day"...They really do love me, and I will miss them. At the same time, I do pray God will give me a more local way of making money. It has been stressful commuting such a long distance and has done the car no favors! Pray that God will lead me into something that will leave me enough time and opportunity to spend with my children and grandchildren - my ultimate desire. I love to be available to you kids!

As for the car, I continue to be caught between Charybdis and Scylla...Our car looks good, relatively speaking, has new almost everything relevant in the engine, and shows few signs of transmission problems. It truly seems a miracle vehicle. Anything we would buy to replace it would have, probably, 150,000 miles on it. Would we just be buying problems we have already addressed in our own vehicle? Theoretically, the transmission on such a car would be ready to wear out. WOuld we be any farther ahead? Yet putting $1,000 into our old thing does seem silly. I just go around in circles, and in the meantime we don't have a decent vehicle to drive! Pray God will protect us from making the wrong decision...

Some good news - Jane Frye connected us with one of her old friends from high school days - Babs Rymer. She and her husband have a large estate Dad has done some work on. They have offered him regular work there at a very decent hourly wage, plus would like him to take on maintenance work at their condominium - with a likely outcome of individual landscaping jobs with the various owners...A wonderful and timely opportunity...The Covenant groundskeeper job at Covenant has also come up again, but I think - all told - Dad would rather work with Babs with colleges so fragile at this point. Still, he has applied.

The local gang of us will celebrate Dad's sixtieth birthday tomorrow. Maryanne, and probably the kids, will stay overnight, them Sunday afternoon Grace's friends will have a shower for her here...Fun for all!...The next Wednesday, unknown to Dad, we will have a gag-gift birthday celebration at the mid-week meeting.

So ends my submission!

Post-War Kids

Just some silly doggerel that I have shared with you kids before, but I want to put on record the little ditties we post-war kids used to sing...All was so recent....

I was not a swearing kid. It just is not part of my besetting sin package...And Mom and Dad - though their own mouths could do it- would not have allowed us to say foul things...But the memories I have of putting up my arm in a Nazi salute and saying, H-ll, Sh-tler, and - I WAS ALLOWED TO DO IT!!! Heady stuff for a kid and an early lesson in nuanced thinking. I knew it was sort of wrong, but it was sort of all right, as well...

Aunt Peggy's contribution to our little collection of post-war kiddy-culture probably came straight from the mouths of marching soldiers:
Hitler has only got one b-ll,
Goering has two, but rather small.
Himmler is very sim'ler
And Mr. Go-balls has no balls at all!
Clever! But - how did soldiers of that time know Hitler had only one testicle? How do men always find out these things?

Dad's little ditty, sung when tiny:
Just whistle while you work,
Hitler was a jerk.
Mussolini bit his wienie,
Now it doesn't work!

Tidbits from our era....

Family

A young girl at church yesterday - nineteen , with a toddler...I have my own apartment now. I want better things for him than I had. That is why I am at church, and I want to come every week. I want him to know Jesus...I am taking courses to be an EMT; I work at Steak and Shake...I have dimples and make decent money, but it will be hard to pay the rent; however, I have paid two months ahead...My son's father told me the day that we found out he was a boy that he had got another woman pregnant...By the time he was born he was with her...I lived with my mother. She punched me in the stomach when I told her I was pregnant. She whipped my butt a few times during my pregnancy. I love her, she is my family, but I can't live with her anymore...My father is in prison and I haven't seen him for eleven years....Why is he in prison? For violating parole. I don't know what his original conviction was for...My aunt murdered some one with an axe...My uncle died of a drug overdose...I have two brothers, all of us from different fathers, but we don't think that way, We are family...

Teen Challenge

...Again, Heard on the Street...

Not really- at the Teen Challenge banquet from young people who had been ON the street...mostly in their mid twenties to mid thirties...

I was given the option of twenty-seven years in prison or Teen Challenge

I was given the option of fifteen years in prison or Teen Challenge

My parents divorced

I was sexually abused throughout my childhood

I started taking meth then manufactured it

I was physically and verbally abused, always

I have begun my life all over again

I had the college experience I didn't have as a teenager as I lived in the dorms

You (the sponsors) bought me the first pair of decent glasses I ever had - for the first time in my life I looked pretty

I graduated from Teen Challenge and had the prom I didn't have as a teen. For the first time in my life I felt pretty

And praise and worship...

And, finally,

WHEN THE DEVIL REMINDS ME OF MY PAST, I REMIND HIM OF HIS FUTURE!!!


Amen

Swine Fever

"And the Lord spoke to David's seer, saying, Go and say to David, 'Thus says the Lord, Three things I offer you; choose one of them,that I may do it to you.' So Gad came to David and said to him, "Thus says the Lord, 'Choose what you will: either three years of famine, or three months of devastation by your foes while the sword of your enemies overtakes you, or else three days of the sword of the Lord, pestilence on the land, with the angel of the Lord destroying throughout all the territory of Israel.' Now decide what answer I shall return to him who sent me." Then David said to God, 'I am in deep distress. Let me fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is very great, but do not let me fall into the hand of men."....So the Lord sent a pestilence on Israel...

Susanna has asked me whether or not I fear Swine Fever, and I find I do not...If things began to escalate, of course, I would be concerned like any other wife/mother/grandmother...What this shows me, though, is that my fears are not centered around illness and natural disasters. Rather, it is the human heart, and the possibility of its unleashed evil that converted me, and continues to be the source of any nightmares I succumb to. Thanks for the question, Susanna. It showed me something about myself which can be helpful to me!

A Thought

I may have written this before - don't know - but will do so again as it is on my mind.

I find it interesting that so many non-Christians find the idea of God desiring and delighting in the praise of people abhorrent...as though he is an ego-maniac! Here is a homespun response:

A poor family lives on a humble city street. One day there is a knock at the door and in comes --------- --------, the greatest violinist in the world. He says, "I would love to play my violin for you. Listen."...And he plays and plays in the beauty of perfection....At the end of the concert, his small audience can't thank him enough for his graciousness and kindness, praise his playing enough, adequately express the honor of having him give this irreplaceable gift to them. A perfectly meet and proper response....Anything else would be churlish and contemptible...Of course, the gift God gives to us is not only this world and our life in it, but Himself, in Christ....But, as Paul Harvey always said, and Pastor Wayne often quotes: You know "the rest of the story"...Vicious, wicked, ungrateful human nature!...Men may be praised, and praised to the utmost. God may not!

Heard on the Street

....Well, not really. They were actually heard at Maryanne's house:

1) Mommy: Joshie, Go and wipe the toilet seat. There is pee all over it....No, Josh, no. Not with your hands!



2)Emma: Mimi, I scared of the big, bad wolf. He going to eat me up. He going to eat my potty up.

Mimi: He's just a story book wolf, Emma. He just lives in your story book, on paper, not in Emma's house. No, no! When you get frightened by him, you just open your story book and spank him. Naughty wolf!

Emma: I spank the big, bad wolf. He not going to eat my potty up.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Billy Bray

The church library - now cleared away except for bits and pieces salvaged by individuals - had some interesting old books. One is a biography of a man called Billy Bray. Billy was a Cornish miner born in the late 1700's, who lived through to the late 1860's. He was a simple, but profound man, converted in early manhood after a drunken past. He was a Bryanite - essentially a Methodist. He was absolutely full of joy in his salvation, and had a trust in God that never deserted him. He influenced and led many, by example, who were far his superiors in education and wealth. I want to share just one perceptive observation he made - out of many which are shared in the book:

In a temperance meeting at Liskeard, the first speaker had said, "Although Alexander had conquered the world, he allowed liquor to conquer him." When Billy was called on, he said, "Our friend has been talking of Alexander the Great; I can't see what he was great for except to cut men's heads off. Alexander conquered the world, and drink conquered him. Now, we conquer drink, therefore, we conquer Alexander's conqueror..." Amazing, bottom-line wisdom...

I talked with Flora yesterday and asked her whether or not she knew of Billy Bray. Of course, she did. I commented that it is interesting that the area where he lived and worked was Celtic. Many of the Celts retreated to Cornwall when later tribes invaded. Their Methodism was very emotional in comparison with more Anglo-Saxon expressions. She agreed that the religion of Celtic strongholds is different. Apparently, a friend - pastor, professor?- felt the Celts were "more highly evolved" with their mystical, emotional bent of spirit...feels that is what influenced black churches in their religious self-expression...

I love the study of history for many reasons, but one of the most exciting is to see where God plants genius...Absolutely where he wants it to bloom, more often than not from very humble beginnings!

A few news updates: Katie should begin her flight home in the next while. We thoroughly enjoyed her and Matty, and will miss them...Dad will be going into town this afternoon to do some replacements for a former client, and to price a small job for someone else. He will stay overnight with Maryanne to accomplish both these things...I was tempted to go along, but think I will probably stay and do some writing...Andrew will fly home from NYC on Saturday. Rick and Susanna are wonderful, gracious hosts and I know he has had a stimulating, rewarding time there. He loves museums as few people do...Grace and Cora :) are visiting Maryanne and Will :) today as she had to go downtown to drop Katie at the airport.

I now sign off!

Ramblings

Easter has come and gone, so quickly...Hard to believe....Dad, Katie and Matthew and I went to Maryanne's for the day - got up early and were off by eight-thirty - arriving at their church on the stroke of ten-thirty! Aren't we clever?...It was lovely sitting with grandchildren on my knee as we worshiped - something I miss so much week by week. Anna and Josh were very much diverted by Matty, spending much of the service down on their knees beside him, trying to play with him, just generally loving him...It was so interesting to see how they connected - most definitely felt the connection of family...They loved Katie, as well - sending her home with little notes and gifts...Anyway, back to the service....Dad spent quite awhile speaking with the pastor after the service, and he commented to Maryanne later how much he loves Dad, that in his strong opinions, he reminds him of his own father, who recently died....Isn't that lovely?...We left Woodstock around five, in order to be back for Dad's work shift at nine...He finds the shift work hard, is finding it more and more difficult to sleep during the day, but truly enjoys his work...The young people employed there are inspirational in many ways, and provide meaningful fellowship...And it is a job with meaning. God is good...Dad is generally very tired, though. He has too much to do, and we must try to figure out how to handle that - what might be changed, what can't be and must just be borne...He has his thirty hours of graveyard shift work, mostly from ten until six, or so. As the students go home in May, he may be able to get hours somewhat better - from eight until two or three - more like a very late night rather than an owernighter...He would sleep better, I imagine, and have more of a regular day to work with...But, and this is the rub, that "regular" day then includes much more to do, and this is what is killing him - ten hours a week of maintenance here, trailer park responsibilities, and the odd landscaping job. He gets so worn out he becomes despondent...Should he ask Wayne to cut back his hours here? I know he would, if asked...How should I work into things? Try to get childcare locally a couple of day a week? ...In the interim, I am trying to pick up more and more of the trailer park responsibilities...Pray for God's leading and guidance...And, speaking of the trailer park - I am off!

Uh-oh

I read recently that the EU has declared that "Christ" can no longer be written with an upper case "C". Last I heard, God was trembling on His throne -with laughter! (Psalm 2)

Lies,Wicked Lies

As you guys know, my chief concern as a non-Christian became my own evil. I was so aware of my wickedness, eventually not even being able to look in a mirror and meet my own gaze I was so frightened by my eyes....Wearing a big hat, always, to shield me from the gaze of others...And the nail in the coffin was the typical response I got when voicing these convictions: You are a good person. People are good...

Then came the night I was converted, after hearing that God agreed with my self-assessment and that ----there was a solution!!! What???!!!---The first thing I thought post-conversion was, I've always known this...and on some sublimated, subterranean level I had. The second thought was, I've been lied to all my life...By others, and by myself...Others, as they tried to convince me, and themselves, people are good...That reality is horizontal...That man is the measure....Myself, as I would have died for the concept that, at the very least, you become wiser through life's experiences, that you are, in some sense, spiralling upward in your understanding as you mature...But as the merest infant in Christ, I recognized instantaneously I had just been going in circles.

And the holy anger this brought. And the determination never to be lied to again about the nature of reality...To love and enjoy my mind, but to never let it be circumscribed by anything but Scripture...To live by the reality that external truth in Scripture was the only anchor to reality - "true truth", as Schaeffer said...I had been living in, imbibing, often promoting, propagandized by "lies, all of the devils wicked lies"... "I WAS LIED TO ', but you showed the truth, for you are the truth."...Never again! With God's help, never again!

God be in my head
And in my understanding.

God be in my eyes
And in my looking.

God be in my mouth
And in my speaking.

God be in my heart
And in my thinking.

God be in my end
And in my departing.

Galatians 2:1-10

I must look this up in various commentaries, but an interesting mode of expression Paul uses here - am just using NIV as Dad is asleep in bedroom where my new ESV is...

As Paul is (as so often) forced to defend the fact that he is a true apostle, his gospel accurate, he tells the Galatians of his trip to Jerusalem to lay his gospel before the church there to ensure they agreed with it...Not that he was in any doubt that it was accurate, but the constant swarms of Judaizers telling him those in Jerusalem disagreed had perturbed him, and he wanted to settle the issue once and for all.

So this is how he articulates this experience:

"...I did this privately to THOSE WHO SEEMED TO BE LEADERS" Huh? I'm sure he knew who the leaders were...

Later: "AS FOR THOSE WHO SEEMED TO BE IMPORTANT - WHATEVER THEY WERE MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME; GOD DOES NOT JUDGE BY EXTERNAL APPEARANCE-those men added nothing to my message..."Remember, he is referring to Peter, James and John!!!

""James, Peter and John, THOSE REPUTED TO BE PILLARS, gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship...."

Odd, yes?

I think I understand his main motivation in stating things as he does - that an apostle's only job, validation, credibility etc. is to stand by the ONE truth, but still, the turn of phrase is so unexpected...What do you think?

Mom's Tears

I saw my mother cry just three times.

Grammie has died. She woke up early one morning and couldn't find Doda. Lester, Lester, where are you?...A question she had asked so many times with no good answer. A question that, with Uncle Harold's death, had conspired to destroy her mind...And she wanders out of her apartment and opens the basement door. Down, down she goes, though very unsteady on her feet...Lester, Lester, are you there? And he is there, shoveling coal into the furnace as he does each winter morning...The next thing we hear is that she has fallen down the stairs and bumped her head....Mom rushes to Cookshire to be be with her as she dies. (And for many years, I don't dare ask the question. Finally, I approach my oldest cousin: Awnie, do you think he pushed her?...You know, Barbie, I think we have all wondered that. When the police came, he sat and answered their questions as meekly as could be. That wasn't like him..)...But, in retrospect, I think it more likely he was shaking her - as he often did - and she toppled...Any moral difference?...In any case, Mom came home after the funeral to a house topsy-turvy and unkempt. She went to her bedroom, lay down, and cried and cried. Mom, Mom, what is wrong?..My mother has died, I went away to be with her, and bury her, and I come home to this!...I'm sorry, Mom. I just didn't think about it...And Dad shakes his head sadly: That's right, that's the problem. Don't you see that?...One of the very few times my father ever rebuked me, and so well earned!

I am fifteen and I earn a good income babysitting. I charge fifty cents an hour, multiplied by many hours per month. My customers are by and large teachers and their friends - people who see me as a stable, responsible girl - which I was, more-or-less at that time...I have been at the Downs' house, as I am each Sunday evening. They are an odd couple, indeed. Mr. Downs teaches with Dad. He is short, tubby and not physically prepossessing. Mrs. Downs is tall and very attractive. They have three little children, close in age, and are expecting another...( My friend, Sonja, more "advanced" in her thinking than the rest of us, due to her European background, finds this disgusting)...Their bookshelves contain books by Billy Graham - who is he? Have I heard of him?...And the reason I am here - they go to church twice each Sunday! How odd! Why would they do that? I have never heard of such a thing!..At the end of the evening, I get in the car and Mr. Downs drives me home, with the usual valiant attempt at conversing with a very awkward teenager...I go into the house and Mom is there waiting up for me, as she always does. I look at her and all my fifteen year old anger, arrogance, and unbridled sin rise up. I look at her and she knows what I am thinking. She breaks into tears and says, I just feel like you girls hate me....And - I thank God He has forgiven me -I do. Too often, I do.

I am married now and live close to Mom and Dad. I am just hanging around with Mom in the kitchen, enjoying being with her. All of a sudden, she begins to cry. Mom, Mom, what is wrong? I'm just thinking about my father, and I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!

Ow!

I set off in torrential rain yesterday to Tom and Jeannette's house...By the time I reached Cartersville it had cleared, fortunately, as I soon had to set off with the three older children for their music lessons in East Cobb. Each goes in turn with their teacher while the rest of us sit in the living room as quietly as possible. I was reading Emma "The Boxcar Children" when she decided to get up, pushing down on the marble-topped table to do so...It tipped over and fifty pounds of Italian marble came crashing down on my right foot...Because I have never been an athlete, and am not adventurous, I have not had many injuries of any sort. This was not serious, there were no bones broken, but, my, how it hurt! Timmy had also been hit with objects falling off the table so we sat together half-laughing and moaning together for some time! Fortunately, their piano teacher handled it most graciously...When we got home, Jeannette took one look at my face and asked me anxiously what was wrong. She said I looked very tired. As she had not mentioned that earlier in the day, I assume this was a reaction to pain, although my foot was no longer hurting much. What does pain and/or shock do? Was I really visibly pale? Could she notice this just because she is a doctor? How very odd! Reminds me of the time I was having extensive dental work done and, all of a sudden, my jaw muscles began to hurt. I couldn't express a thing as my mouth was propped open, but Dr. Felice noticed a flicker in my eyes that he knew immediately was pain...And helped me...Our faces truly do speak, don't they?

Tomorrow, Donna and Alicia are coming over to celebrate Donna's birthday with Grace and me. We will have homemade pizza and cake together. In the evening, Dad, Andrew and I are going to Calvert's - the black missionary/teacher who lives behind us - to meet some of his friends. Then Sunday, after church, I will go to coffee for a couple of hours with one of my Bible study girls....A busy weekend!