Those Tiny Ones

I am so glad we have Emma here...The last few days, Beba has fallen into very bad habits. He continually forgets himself and says things like, "Don't say boobie"...What would we do if we didn't have Emma here to continually spank him when he is naughty?

And how I love hearing Micah sing his little heart out to me when I call, consoling Michaela when Mommy leaves and her world has fallen to pieces....Don't I love my grandchildren? They are all my treasures, my gray-hair rewards...but those littlest ones keep me infinitely amused!...

Choices

I have a choice right now, here, today. I can either choose to actively re-engage with life, or not...The past few years have been hard, no question about it. I have lost my remaining children, our financial future is shot, there have been stresses in our marriage, loneliness due to constant moves, confusion and upheaval in society at large...So, what do I want? Do I choose to be like Pam's friend, Carol? She has just died and Pam spent the last two weeks of her life with her. She had had struggles and stresses in her life, disappointments and heartaches...but was a lovely Christian woman....However, she did not seem to die well. She was uninterested in Scripture, in all spiritual talk, in any communication whatsoever...Why? I think I know...Because she disengaged from life, ever so little years ago, because of the pain, the disappointment....And the habit grew. Distance and more distance...Less and less interest...And then with increasing age, a feeling that this world was not her world in any case. And not just from a Christian stance ...Familiar people, places, society - All gone....And it was just too hard to commit to going back into the struggle, the struggle of a soldier on active duty until death...She did not deny the faith. Never. But she didn't live it triumphantly until the end....So now I have my choice to make. And so will you. Do I get back into battle formation or not? Right now. My heart and my mind say together: yes, yes, yes...Amen!

Books

I am absolutely lost without books by my side - especially necessary through the wee hours of the morning when, so often, I am awake. I have run out of our own books - so many are still packed-and my Tim books finished, so have begun to re-read various ones...A good thing, on the whole, as so much information to digest. Still, I have been lonely for new reading. Yesterday,we visited Ken and Jane Stewart, our friends from Scotland. We have kept up with them intermittently since then, and was lovely to have a few hours to spend with them. Jane is part of a book club, so gave me the choice of various of her books to bring home for a time. I chose "Pat Nixon: The Untold Story" , by her daughter, Julie Nixon Eisenhower, and "Three Cups of Tea", by a fellow who wandered into a Pakistani village, became intimate with the people, and now builds schools for girls there and in Afghanistan....This afternoon I wandered into Wayne's church office and liberated a couple of books from him -with his permission, of course!...Darwin's Black Box and some Spurgeon sermons. Then, this evening, Calvert brought over two books on African-American Christian heroes. I am so grateful - now ready to enjoy those otherwise frustrating hours of insomnia...

Some wonderful words from Spurgeon's biography I re-read this afternoon: The other day I was riding home after a heavy day's work. I felt weary and sore depressed, when swiftly and suddenly that text came to me' "My grace is sufficient for thee." I reached home and looked it up in the original, and at last it came to me in this way, "My grace is sufficient for THEE," and I said,"I should think it is, Lord," and I burst out laughing. I never understood what holy laughter of Abraham was until then. It seemed to make unbelief so absurd....O brethren, be great believers. Little faith will bring your souls to heaven, but great faith will bring heaven to your souls.

Odds and Ends Again

My friend Becky recently posted on her Facebook that her younger son had been accused of biting his sister. His response was, "I was just kissing her with my teeth!"

Things you don't want to hear from your end of the phone: "Baby, Baby, watch out! You're going to get hit!...Ahhh! Click...But it turned out to be perfectly minor and understandable!

I have begun to read my big, fat biography of Truman again. Since reading it the first time, I have read a big, fat biography of Churchill, as well, and a short sketch of Roosevelt by his former son-in-law. I am really trying to understand this era of western history...SO well written and a pleasure to read.

Grace and I stepped very close to what we think was a rattlesnake while walking last weekend.

Maryanne's wonderful neighbors held a surprise shower for her last night.

We are going to have dinner with Ken and Jane Stewart Saturday night. Remember them from Edinburgh? He is now a professor of NT studies at Covenant, though studied church history...They have been most faithful friends through the years - am looking forward to seeing them again.

It is finally, consistently HOT here....Hooray for a/c!

Our church has purchased a bbq, so will grill before midweek meeting tonight...Looking forward to hamburgers...

Our Outing

Dad and I drive down the road to the trailer park. Oh, no! Frank's's car is in his driveway! Surely that can't mean - He is without work again. We are hoping to get rent from him today. Yup...That temp job that promised much has lasted just four days. Although he has very little money left and has pawned many of his items, I take twenty dollars from him....Monthly electric bill has to be paid on Wednesday and we will need it...Hope his job possibility for Wednesday works out. If not, we will have to ask him to leave, which we hate to do, and have tried to avoid. Still,I think the time will have come!

There is John's trailer on the lift...Wonder if he and Nancy are back together. He went into a screaming fit a couple of weeks age, frightening her. She had the boys call Family Services and, when they realized John had a criminal record of pulling a gun on his former wife, they demanded that the children leave the home. Nancy went with them voluntarily...They should all be together again by now, but see no sign of anyone home. Apparently, they are here again, but have been heard arguing loudly. Hope they stay. For all the fireworks, they are basically responsible and have been good tenants.

On to Danny's old trailer to try and clean it into some rentable state. Ooooh. Stuff everywhere and what a smell! I start in the kitchen, pulling out the stove to see what might be there. Nameless, amorphous debris. I pull on gloves and start to pick up the biggest clumps in preparation for vacuuming. Yikes! I have a dead, dessicated mouse by the tail! Disgusting! But actually the place is not as filthy as I thought it might be. Dad and I make good progress putting it to rights. But he will have to do a little construction work before we can rent it out.

Time to go and collect the rent from Peter and Silvia...Peter, did you get your government check back yet?...It was stolen by the daughter of the people who now rent Doug and Ellen's old trailer. It was taken from their mailbox, then the girl attempted to cash it at Walmart - caught on tape. She is now out until trial and, in the meantime, her sister has been arrested with her husband, for breaking and entering....Still, the parents are quiet, orderly, and pay their rent faithfully. Peter now gets all his checks by direct deposit and I hope all will work out...I ask Silvia how her son and his wife, Gail, are doing....I haven't seen them in a while. Gail's son overdosed, was found dead in the woods. They think someone gave him the drug...You mean he was murdered?....Yes...Gail is not doing too well....

Then I get a call from Jane. She and her husband are going away for a week to visit their marine son in Texas. Do I want their rent now or when they return? Now please....Thanks...Her husband is very ill with liver damage from years of drug abuse. They almost couldn't rent the house because he has to live very close to the county where he was arrested for drug dealing. But they have become Christians in recent years and are good tenants and pleasant company. I always enjoy chatting with them.

I go back to Danny's old trailer and begin to clean again....Hello, who are you? Oh, you are the guy who lives in the trailer across from our property. No, we don't want to hire anyone for that. We will do it ourselves....John? So he is the convicted rapist? The one who is in and out of jail all the time?

The others I know and understand, but that last guy really makes me nervous!

lundi

Yesterday was a fairly quiet day - stayed for just half of church in the morning as was feeling so very tired - again, am sure it is just the aftermath of fiddling with my bp medication...Then went out with Dad for awhile in the afternoon - down to the Riverbend festival. We did not actually participate, but wandered around listening to various musical groups setting up for later in the day...Then home and again missed evening service. Today, though, thankfully, I feel much better. Never again will I try to wean myself from my medication - too dangerous!

Decided to walk through the Riverbend venue again this morning, after last night's festivities, and was absolutely amazed at how much mess was left behind - beer bottles, coke cans, water bottles, cigarettes - yuck! They had several cleaning squads out to deal with it all and apparently within a couple of hours all looks lovely and fresh again - hard to believe!...As I wandered, I saw a great bumper sticker: "Dyslexic? Write for help"

Today Grace and I went shopping together - first to Target, then Aldi's....A need I noticed in the retail market: Nice sympathy cards for a person who has lost a parent that - through truly terrible behaviour -forfeited all natural affection from her child...I want to acknowledge the death, but how?

As to the ongoing saga of the car, I took it to a garage I trust in Ringgold and again they told me not to put money into it. The transmission does seem to be slipping, so that could be our next big expense...So, I stopped at the used car lot I had intended to visit on Friday. They have a 2001 Corolla there, with 107,000 miles, that they are selling for $5000...WOuld give me trade -in value for the wreck of $700-$800....The owner says he has been driving it himself the last few weeks - that it is an excellent little vehicle...Hope to go and look at it again tomorrow.

Will keep you posted!

Man oh Man

Yesterday morning I opened my eyes about two AM...And the world does not look right. Instead of staying in place as it should, it begins to spin round and round...What? Stop it, please!...I get out of bed and realize I am very nauseated. Am I sick or is this blasted spinning making me so dizzy I feel ill?...I sneak down to the bathroom so I don't wake Dad and open the toilet cover, looking down at the water and crouching over it, getting ready to do what will probably come next...Except it doesn't. All right. A decision to make. What is happening here? Will I go with the thesis of illness, or is it that-yet again- I have thought I can get away without high blood pressure medication and I can't...No way to determine that absolutely right now - no cuff- but will go with that hypothesis. And I swallow twice the regular, minute quantity of lisinopril that I usually take....Back to bed....When I wake up, I feel somewhat better, though my head aches. I hang around doing a few things, then head over to Walmart to take my bp...Regular old machine. Let's see what it can do..135 over 79. That's not so bad...Try again a few minutes later...107 over 69. Hey, that's low. But why am I still feeling so crummy?...I get on the highway in my creaky car and head toward Ringgold and the nearest Wachovia bank. I do my banking, drop in to visit Grace quickly, then head off to a used car lot I want to visit....But there is a CVS Pharmacy on the way - think I will stop and take my blood pressure once more. I really do not feel right...And I do, using a brand new state of the art machine...Whoa! No way I am doing anything but going right home and swallowing a complete pill - four times the amount I normally take...Hope I make it without blowing a valve....OK. Back safe and sound...So life resumes its normal course. I go to the pharmacy to pick up more medication I have had on file for several weeks. I determine to measure my bp once more....and...it is low, so low I feel dozey...Well, back to my regular dosage, I guess, and will just have to live with the low readings that are normal if I take any medication at all. Better than my head blowing up, right ?

Ordinary

'Twas a busy weekend, indeed! I began Saturday with a long walk - have been trying to up my walk time to at least an hour per day, driving to the river, parking, then going across the walking bridge, into the art district, and along the river...So very, very beautiful. I have given up walking in this area altogether as the best of the city is so close to us, and SO much more pleasant than what is in Red Bank...Pat and Maryanne, then Andrew, Grace and Justin came over to celebrate Dad's sixtieth birthday with us. They, of course, brought lots of specialty foods as gifts - Dad's perennial favorite! Little Anna gave Dad two gifts - her first tooth that had just fallen out, then the dollar she had received for it under her pillow. Isn't that the widow's mite?...Maryanne stayed overnight with the older children, in order to be here for the shower Alicia planned for Grace Sunday afternoon. As that was also the time of fellowship meal at church, we went from event to event! The girls all contributed food and provided Grace with many wonderful gifts - a car seat, dresses, towels, sheets etc. - much of what little Cora will need to begin with! They are lovely girls - each one of them - and it was fun to see them all again.

I have again walked each morning this week - loving seeing people and am sleeping better with more exercise. I have so much catching up to do as have really been on the border of nervous exhaustion, I think....Have just been enjoying chatting with whichever person I happen to encounter as I stroll around downtown with no deadline!

Mike and Sally Joss are going to visit Saturday, so we will have lunch here, then try to listen in on some of what is happening at the Riverbend venues - the big musical festival held here annually...Because events are held by the river, and sound carries so well, we should be able to hear everything well, without having to purchase tickets.

Dad is with Babs today, trying to clarify what needs to be done both at her condominium and at their estate...Will let you know what they conclude. I have not yet done anything about the car, but will definitely have to make a decision this week to either fix it or get something else, Life is on hold until we have reliable wheels again!

So, nothing special, but such as it is ....