What!?

I thank you so much, my children, for prayer regarding sleep. Last night I got a solid six hours - through four thirty - then was restless. I got up for a few minutes and returned to bed. I slept intermittently until six thirty....Do you know what woke me up? I heard loudly and clearly, Mary Mental (Do you all remember her?) shouting "Peanut butter and Chex"!!!!... in that same voice she always used...

Choices

God, grant me a Christian mind. Give me eyes that see, ears that hear, and a heart that understands...As a Christian I have been granted the option of choosing the good. As a non-Christian, in the fullest and deepest sense, I did not have that. Now I do. There are two doors open to me. To believe what God says is true and operate according to that, or to believe that what God says is not true, and operate according to that...Today, right now, I can stick my faith to the sticking point, or not. Will I sheerly , through an ACT OF WILL pin my mind to what is right? More to the point, because of the KNOWLEDGE I have of God and His ways, will I pin my mind to what is right? I know He is good. I know He is wise. I know He is sovereign over all of life, and of my ways. So, right now, with all that is in me,will I submit my mind - knowing that this is the best course, simply in line with the nature of eternal reality? Anything else is a waste of time, and something I will "regret" when I am one day face to face with Him and He - of course - is "fully seen" as trustworthy and true. May I not indulge myself with foolish choices!

Life Goes On!

It has been a busy week once again. On Sunday, Dad and I went to New City - both for Sunday School and church. The service was oriented to the students, welcoming them back for their year, so Randy had them all stand up. It seemed to me that easily two thirds of the congregation are students! Amazing! It made me wonder how they manage to meet expenses as students would not be big donors and they have many inner-city people attending who would not only not give, but need help themselves...Such a unique congregation! We thoroughly enjoyed our Sunday School class and hope to become regulars...After the service, we picked up Andrew and went to Justin's cousin's house, so his wife and I could, together, buy airmiles tickets for Susanna and her children to visit us in October. That is all taken care of and we are so excited to be seeing them well before Christmas, then will have the added bonus of seeing them again in December! A huge thank-you to Betty! Andrew came back here with us so that he could go and visit Tim Ryan, Tom's brother the next day for a couple of medical needs...Now, BLOW THE TRUMPETS!...Tim told Andrew there is now a generic product on the market to cure .....fungi-nail!!!! It is a three-month course of oral treatment which costs only a few dollars!!! He gave Andrew a prescription - imagine Dad and I will soon get going on it as well. Hooray! I drove Andrew back to Chattanooga that afternoon, so Monday was full up!

Tuesday I took the younger Ryan children to the library, reading them stories for several hours. Cartersville Library is a delightful place in which to spend time - a nice morning for all of us, and allows Jeannette uninterrupted time with the two older kids. I found an interesting book which I think was a true story - about an old Orthodox woman caught in the battle area of the Russian Civil War. Each evening she prayed that God would build a wall around her that night, and each morning was disappointed to see that hadn't been done. Eventually, the battle came extremely close to her. She and several refugees she had taken in went to bed as usual. When they woke up, her cottage had been almost completely covered up by a snowfall. When the soldiers came by later that morning they saw no trace of it and went right by! Quite a story!...I played with the girls in the afternoon while Jeannette took the boys for haircuts. AS usual, I was the bad guy, trying to deceive and trick them in every possible way...I have been type cast!

Yesterday, I did busy work, then went into Cartersville to do errands, and hang around until I could see a local hairdresser. I wanted to discuss letting me hair grow out - that is, to stop dying it - with her. I think we have come up with a good plan of action, and I will give it a try. If I hate it, I can always start the dying process over again, but doubt I will. It is such a pain in the neck! (and the head, and the pocketbook!)

This morning I went to our local elementary school to observe various classrooms, in order to prepare for substitute teaching. I was very impressed with everything I saw. The building was immaculately clean. While I was in the kindergarten classroom, a custodian came by with warm cookies for the staff, who ate them eagerly, on the spot!..There were team teachers in Kindergarten as it included several children with disabilities. They were so effective in their discipline, but so gentle. I do not understand how good teachers attain such control, with little obvious effort...As I mentioned this to the principal later, she siad that several years ago, Adairsville Elementary performed poorly. They then had many meetings searching for solutions, and have been systematically implementing them since then, with wonderful results. I would like to talk with her further to understand exactly what they found most important, but know at least a couple of practical outcomes. As they have many low-income children with fragile families, they try to emulate a family atmosphere in the school itself - something I could see and they have truly realized to a substantial degree. As she walked down the hall, children were hugging her, loving her in every way. The teachers chatted, drank coffee etc. as they worked, but certainly kept the kids on task as they did so...The teachers try to go to extra-curricular activities of children they know need this extra attention...Isn't that amazing? ...The other thing she has tried to do is reduce expectations that children without parental support can't meet, not blaming them for things they can't control. The outcome was a school which I can only categorize as "gentle"...The principal reminded me very much of Sharon Browning - really liked her... Hope I can get regular work there...

Tomorrow I go to the Ryans again, Saturday I will have to clean...And this is all on an average of perhaps, four hours of sleep. I am in the midst of one of the worst times I have ever had with insomnia. God truly helps me to get done what I have to, but life would be more comfortable with more sleep. Please do pray for this!!!

News Round-Up

This was an uneventful but pleasant week. Tuesday I worked at the Ryans, then Wednesday headed for Martyanne's in order to go to school with Anna for Grandparents' Day...As it turned out, Anna was sick, so I spent the afternoon with the children after kicking Maryanne out for a medical appointment with Tim Ryan, Tom's twin brother...I was feeling rather odd myself - I think because after ten years I have (recently) completely weaned myself off the small amount of amitryptilene I have taken nightly to help me sleep...Have felt light-headed and spacey to some degree...I'm suspecting because my blood pressure has fallen as a result...In any case, I snoozed as the kids watched a movie, them played Baby Birdie with Joshie. This is a game we devised together which he absolutely adores, to Pat's great chagrin...But don't worry, Pat - every game there are vicious hawks that attack Baby Birdie and he spends most of the game killing them...Nothing too effeminate about that boy!...

Thursday Dad had a landscaping appointment in out old neighborhood in East Cobb, so I went along and spent a few hours at the Avenue...trudging through stores, spending absolutely nothing, but marveling at how beautiful the people are, and how well-stocked and diverse the stores....After our year in Adairsville, I felt like a country bumpkin on a first trip into the big city. Even more astounding was our shopping trip to Costco. Because of the distance, I go very seldom and again was overwhelmed at the sheer quantity of goods there...

Yesterday I worked at Tom and Jeannette's again...arrived early so she could get to her ultrasound appointment and verify baby's health and sex. She found out they are having another girl. Timmy had a small breakdown when he heard - very much wanted to even out the numbers with another boy. I told him his four sisters will marry one day and the numbers WILL then be even...Seemed to comfort him. He is a very interesting and deep boy - reminds me so much of Nick...I came home, then we headed right back for the dinner, Bible Study and prayer time they have Friday evenings...A pleasant way to end the work week....

They are studying Jerry Bridges' book on acceptable sins. He advises, obviously, recognizing those and rooting them out of your life. It has made me think about my own attitude to introspection in the Christian life. This is my thought process right now: First, my a priori assumption about myself is that I am full of sin. I believe with all my heart that, if I were to go prodding, I would find layer upon unending layer of every type of sin and hypocrisy. This is what brought me to Christ and after 36 years of Christian living I can say there has been substantial change in my character but, still, there has been a "mere beginning" at holiness from any absolute standard. 2)I think there is limited value at investigating this sin too often or too deeply. God certainly brings things to my consciousness on a regular basis as I read His word and pray. I try to take every thought captive regarding this sin as I live before Him. But I do not go actively looking for garbage. He will show me what I have to see when I have to see it. 3)Rather, I read the Bible, trying to see and understand Him more and more fully. I am firmly convinced that one day "we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is." This same principle holds as we are on this side of Heaven. The more I study and ponder Him, understanding more and more about Him and His ways, the more His Holy Spirit somehow conforms me to His image. RC Sproule is the only person I have heard of who echoes what I myself have found in Christian life. For me, reading the Bible seems more important in my growth in Christ than prayer. Obviously, they are both integral means of grace, but the 'seeing" via Scripture, is to me, the motor of my Christian life. 4) I do not preclude Christians challenging one another, etc., nor do I never introspect...Just have found what I have set forth my normal way of conducting my Christian life...I was talking with Flora today, and she reminded of Robert Murray McCheyne's words that, for every look at self there should be ten looks at Christ...Beautiful. He is the only One worth looking at!

At this, I take my leave!

Monday Again

Dad and I went to New City again yesterday. We picked up Andrew enroute and got there in enough time to sit comfortably in the main auditorium...Not easy in this particular church! We had arranged to meet Alicia, as well, as she was due to come back with us for lunch...I was perched on the edge of one pew when a Mr. De Moss (name tag was on) came and asked me how much of the row I could spare for his family. I said, oh, do you have many children, and he said, yes, ten! As they began to file in I could see most of them were adopted - beautiful little black children of all ages. What an admirable church! When it was time to greet one another, the couple behind us - about our age - were the Van der Woudes, originally from Grand Rapids. He is in urban missions, I believe; she works with Young Life - another interesting pair....Then the woman in front of me turned out to be Jewish-Croatian, married to a black guy. She is trying to get a job with the McLellan foundation...Has the requisite few brilliant children,(one of whom she began to try and interest Alicia in!)and a NYC personality she thought might disqualify her from the foundation's work. Interesting people, all. Very encouraging to meet so many who have great natural appeal to me.

As we lingered at church, Grace and Justin were here ahead of us. We had locked up so I told Justin to push the bathroom window open and crawl in - not at all difficult! I was slow getting lunch ready, thus did things the Dutch way - dessert first - cinnamon buns - but not homemade as Bonnie used to serve...I prepared, Andrew did wash, and we all just chatted around things. Very pleasant...Dad managed to complete his application for the Covenant job and Alicia took it off to hand deliver, as she works at Covenant and knows all the people in that department...Do keep it in prayer.

Today I loafed around a good bit of the morning, finally got myself dressed and out early afternoon. First stop was the local elementary school, where I booked an observation day so can then be on their list of substitute teachers. From there, I went into Calhoun and posted ads for our vacant trailer at several of the Hispanic shops in town. Dad and I have decided we will give that a shot before trying locals again. Miguel and Ashley left the place filthy and cockroach-infested, but they paid!...Then off to chat with my local coin dealer. As you may or may not know, physical silver and gold are disappearing. It is difficult to get your hands on them now - something our two most-trusted websites have been prognosticating for years. I like to go and ask our dealer how things are going in his business. He is a Christian fellow, very personable and fun to talk with. He told me a story of a woman who recently took ten very rare gold coins to the mint as she wanted to have them authenticated. The mint seized them, with no intention of returning them, so she is in the middle of a lawsuit right now...Terrible!...He said he is buying silver at this point as distressed holders come to sell it, but not seeking buyers in turn as the price is so artificially low. As people all over the world are seeking to buy precious metals, and are having difficulty finding any,the price is falling! Against all the laws of supply and demand, evidence of suppression...

Tomorrow, Jeannette will bring the children here for the day. I will supervise their studies and,perhaps, give them a first French lesson - something we have decided would be challenging for them. Wednesday, I am off to Anna's school for Grandparents' Day - fun!

And so life goes on...

Sandra and Lydia

Sandra is my best friend. She has asked me whether or not we can be best friends and I have said yes. She is cute and popular. I am not - at least with boys - but she likes me and I am pleased. I am in Grade Seven - have just moved from Thetford Mines, so am new in this school - and enjoy the challenge of making new friends...I am off to a good start...Sandra has no brothers or sisters. She hardly has a mother. Her mother is at home, always, but not available. She is suffering from a mysterious illness which can not be identified. Shortly after I move on again, four years later, she dies of it - whatever "it" was. In all the years we live close together, and I am in her home, I see her mother just a handful of times. Sandra's father is an executive with a steel company and, with only one child, he can give her unimaginable things - a leather jacket, angora sweaters - things I can only dream of...But that is alright. I have a father, mother, two sisters and she wants to be in my home...

Her home is so different from mine.,,There is no noise. When we enter, we do not go into the main living areas. They are all blocked off - the curtains drawn and the furniture covered with plastic - waiting the day - never to come - when her mother can tend to them. We go into her basement - finished, with colonial-style furniture, and a bar in the corner - most elegant and "hip", by the standard of the day. We chat and compare notes about boys and studies. Once we decide to call the popular Montreal d-jay we all listen to after school. His name is Dave Boxer and he takes calls between records. I am frightened and shy when it comes right down to it, but Sandra is confident. She handles things well. Dave calls himself "Daddy-o on the radio" and wants to know if his listeners can think of alternate titles. I come up with "fire on the wire" but am too nervous to propose this. Too bad! I think it would have worked and I would have had my few minutes of fame!

Sandra is a good student, like me. Our teachers make no pretense of hiding our grades, but always return test papers according to the grades given - top one first. In certain subjects - English,History, French, Latin - mine is invariably on the top...But once Sandra beats me in English. I love her, but this is most difficult to endure...I wonder if she remembers this, as I do?...Rain or shine, we are together - walking to the mall, going to Dairy Queen, competing in summer athletics, stealing apples from the local orchards...Then...

Lydia moves into town. Like Sandra, she is an only child. She is Croatian. After the war, her parents moved to Germany and that is where Lydia was born. When they moved to Canada, her parents deliberately placed her in French school for a couple of years so she would become familiar with that language as well as German. Her father is a chemist, her mother a university professor. They are much more sophisticated than almost anyone I know. In small-town, suburban areas of Quebec, in the sixties, there is little diversity!

We become good friends. Sandra, Lydia and I become a threesome. Then something unexpected happens. I see they are becoming best friends and I am being pushed to one side. They still like me, but they like each other better. This makes sense, really. They are more alike in some ways. I have been brought up with rural, Protestant values. They have not. Lydia scoffs at people with large families and thinks them immoral. I think they are lovely..She has a hardheaded focus to life that I lack, and Sandra is somewhere in the middle. In any case, I see I have been squeezed out and it is painful.

The next fall, it is time for us to move on. Dad has accepted a new position way up north. I say good-bye to them, and - surprisingly-stay in closer touch with Lydia than Sandra, my (previous) best friend of several years. When I visit her briefly a few years later, she teaches me some Russian- her area of study. The three of us meet again for a reunion in Ottawa several years on again. Sandra has become a Grade One teacher, childless by choice. Lydia has two sons, and she and her husband have lived all over the world as diplomats...Just what I would have expected! Unfortunately, our lives have diverged so much we can't really pick up the pieces and resume meaningful friendship. We intermittently try to keep in touch, but only for a time. So where are my friends now? Who knows? More ships in the night!