My guys, This is a picture of my heart right now, just so you will understand me. It is not self-pity. There has been that, but not now. I just feel I owe you this.
Don't talk about it. Don't ask me about it. It is my war wound. It is my seeing a plane full of young men crash to the ground. It is too deep for words.
But that is life, isn't it? Sorrow beyond measure. Grief beyond words. Reality beyond comprehension..."We despaired of life itself"
Someone died. And it was me. "But you are ever with me." And He has been. Faithful in life and faithful in death. But we are alone in this. Just Him and me.
I love you all. But I am the mother that is. Not the mother that was. Him and me. And this is Holy Ground.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Saturday Has Come and Gone
Saturday has come and gone and what have I accomplished? Not much, it seems...but much of this non-accomplishment is still necessary to eventually accomplish - if you know what I mean?...I have (again) spent hours pouring over real-estate pages trying to track down a feasible property for us...Even joined a foreclosure site on a trial basis! Out of hundreds looked at, Dad and I will go and look at five or six - at least from the street - tomorrow, while we are in Chattanooga...I want Dad to continue to search while I am gone, perhaps with Grace's help...Will keep you posted!...
Early this morning, Dad and I went to the trailer park to collect rents. Last week, I had asked Randy and Darlene it they could try to cut down on energy consumption - not a command, but just a request, for our sakes (as we pay the utility bills)...when we went today, they had hung a clothes line, in order not to use the dryer! I truly think Randy and Darlene and David and Ellen are just about my favorite Georgians!
Otherwise, have cooked for Dad - so he will have meals while I am away - and emailed little...Read the first of CS Lewis's space trilogy last night - have not touched it for years. Can't say I like it, though really enjoy the third in the series...Will begin a Dorothy Sayers next - something simple to read while on the plane...
That is my absolutely nothing post for today. In haste...Mom
Early this morning, Dad and I went to the trailer park to collect rents. Last week, I had asked Randy and Darlene it they could try to cut down on energy consumption - not a command, but just a request, for our sakes (as we pay the utility bills)...when we went today, they had hung a clothes line, in order not to use the dryer! I truly think Randy and Darlene and David and Ellen are just about my favorite Georgians!
Otherwise, have cooked for Dad - so he will have meals while I am away - and emailed little...Read the first of CS Lewis's space trilogy last night - have not touched it for years. Can't say I like it, though really enjoy the third in the series...Will begin a Dorothy Sayers next - something simple to read while on the plane...
That is my absolutely nothing post for today. In haste...Mom
Friday, July 18, 2008
Reader's Digest
Yesterday I sat in the garage for an hour waiting for my trusty mechanic to re-check my car brakes - have been squeaking even though were recently done. While there, I read a recent copy of Reader's Digest. It listed interesting and humorous omission- bloopers that have been published. My favorite was, "Yesterday we meant to say that 'Mrs. Woodrow Wilson used to graze sheep on the front lawn of the White House. We mistakenly left out the word sheep.'" ....
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
A Quick Memory and Thought
Sandwiches were unknown to me, except for picnics, until I lived on my own. Mom was from a small town background where men came home for dinner at noon. A hot meal was the expectation. Dad, of course, continued this pattern. We always lived close enough to the schools where he taught that he could walk home within minutes. So could we. I loved it. As I left each morning, my sisters and I made our beds, but otherwise the house was messy. When I returned home for dinner, it was bright, clean, and shiny...And our meal was ready...meat, potatoes - boiled, mashed, riced - and an overcooked vegetable, then dessert. We all sat around our arborite table and visited for a few minutes, then Dad was up to watch the noon news with Walter Cronkite. Right after, Mom switched the station to The Tennessee Ernie Ford Show and listened to the very end - right to the time he always closed with a hymn - the only way I became familiar with gospel songs....I would go off to afternoon classes with these in my mind, and wonder whether they were not an important part of God softening my heart in anticipation of my conversion several years later...Early television did have some wonderful shows!... Makes me wonder again where Mom is right now. She certainly did love the hymns she had learned from her Methodist/United Church background. How I hope God did bring her into port shortly before she died!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
In Honour of Ellie
In honour of little Ellie, I want to try and show what my grandchildren mean to me.
Hooray, I get to go to (Tim and Aileen's, Pat and Maryanne's, Rick and Susanna's) today. I can't wait to see my little ones. I sit in my seat and try to push the plane/car along faster. No matter how often (or how infrequently, sadly) I see them, this never varies. Each time I open one of my children's doors and see those precious little people waiting for me, I feel like it is Christmas. I have waited all my life for this...I want to hold them, touch them, smell them, talk with them and to them. They are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh - altogether precious. I love the highlights in their hair, the animation in their eyes, the joy in their smiles - the LIFE they are full of as my own draws closer to its conclusion. I see them as perfect little works of art - the greatest gift from their Creator to me...And the mellowness of being a grandma is delightful. Do you want cookies for breakfast? No problem. Let's pretend games? Bring them on. Walks outside with hot chocolate afterward? Can't wait! What better could I be doing with my time?...So, my little ones, my blessings on you:
First to you, Nick the Philosophic
Then to you, Anna and Abby, all Sparkly
Then to you, Josh the Dreamy
Then to you, Michaela the Mischievous
Then to you,Micah the Curious
Then to you, Emma the Definite
Then to you, Ellie -to-be-Unwrapped.
May the God of your grandpa and grandma, of your father and mother, surround you with His love and care forever and forever.
Hooray, I get to go to (Tim and Aileen's, Pat and Maryanne's, Rick and Susanna's) today. I can't wait to see my little ones. I sit in my seat and try to push the plane/car along faster. No matter how often (or how infrequently, sadly) I see them, this never varies. Each time I open one of my children's doors and see those precious little people waiting for me, I feel like it is Christmas. I have waited all my life for this...I want to hold them, touch them, smell them, talk with them and to them. They are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh - altogether precious. I love the highlights in their hair, the animation in their eyes, the joy in their smiles - the LIFE they are full of as my own draws closer to its conclusion. I see them as perfect little works of art - the greatest gift from their Creator to me...And the mellowness of being a grandma is delightful. Do you want cookies for breakfast? No problem. Let's pretend games? Bring them on. Walks outside with hot chocolate afterward? Can't wait! What better could I be doing with my time?...So, my little ones, my blessings on you:
First to you, Nick the Philosophic
Then to you, Anna and Abby, all Sparkly
Then to you, Josh the Dreamy
Then to you, Michaela the Mischievous
Then to you,Micah the Curious
Then to you, Emma the Definite
Then to you, Ellie -to-be-Unwrapped.
May the God of your grandpa and grandma, of your father and mother, surround you with His love and care forever and forever.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
July 4th
After nine years in the US, Dad and I determine it is time for us to celebrate July 4th in something like the American manner. Andrew has finished work, so we pick him up around 2 pm and head to downtown Chattanooga. What is the parking situation here? Still alright? Yes, we find the Unum Provident lot is still virtually empty, and head in there. The trolley is in place to transport people across the bridge to Coolidge Park, where the evening celebration will be held. I am, as always, concerned about getting to where we want to be NOW, but Dad controls my neurotic tendencies, at least for the moment. We decide to spend some time around Broad Street. We go into Greyfriars in order to spend the gift certificate Andrew got Dad for his birthday. I get my usual hot chocolate and Dad and Andrew their coffee. Hmmm, this place is sure different under its new ownership...Cleaner, more orderly. The hangers - on have obviously been discouraged from coming, but they have tidied up a little too much. The bookshelves are gone. The dessert cooler is almost empty - not the usual profusion of cakes of all types. I'm not sure I like it as much as I did when it was slightly run down.
We finish our drinks and leave, meandering down Broad Street toward the aquarium. As always, there are children everywhere, playing in the interconnecting streams that surround the building. No buskers, though. Wonder where they are. Have they been tidied up, too? Hope not. A town can be only so orderly before it sacrifices character, though know there is a fine balance...We head across the bridge and see that already people are beginning to collect in the park, though festivities will not begin for a few hours. I begin to panic. We have got to get down there, claim our spot. Again, Dad restrains me. I'm not going to sit there for hours. I want to go and get dinner at Big River. Yikes. This is hard for me. I control myself and we wander through a few stores. As we head down toward the river, I see the old Greyfriars regulars sitting at a newly-opened coffee shop. So that is where they have migrated! We stop by the carousel to watch the children play for a minute or two, then walk through Coolidge. I get more and more nervous with the people steadily coming through with their lawn chairs and grills. They have staked out their position and I can't. This is truly terrible. Soon, it is time to cross back over to the other side of the river on the walking bridge. This is where Dad decides he wants to set up for the concert and fireworks. I am not so sure. I want to be closer to the stage. I give way, and send Dad and Andrew back to the car for our lawn chairs so we can claim our bit of bridge! I idle over to a man already settled in and chat while I wait. He says he sits there every year, and it is a great location. He also promises to guard our chairs while we go for dinner. Hooray! Mission accomplished! Now I can relax and enjoy the rest of the day.
We have an early dinner at Big River, then wend our way back to the bridge. We, of course, have a grand view of the park underneath us. It is filling up, as people enter in a steady stream. First, there are distinct clusters, but soon a sea of folks of all ages. Funny, there are hardly any black people at all. What do they do on July 4th? Do they celebrate the beginning of their nation at all? Don't know....Strings of balloons - red, white and blue - stretch high into the sky. Finally, one too many is attached, and the whole string floats up into the sky. Fun to see how long I can keep an eye on them...Boats, yachts are beginning to fill the Tennessee River adjacent to the park...Eventually, our section of the bridge - the whole thing, for that matter - becomes crowded. People everywhere. I try not to think of the structural issues which prevent it from carrying vehicular traffic. (How much do all these people weigh, relative to cars and trucks?) We turn our lawn chairs around to avoid the sun as it gets lower in the sky and begins to shine in our eyes. A man comes by and asks whether he can set up his chairs right behind us...Of course. My name is D--- S------- and I am an adjunct professor at Covenant College. We chat and quickly realize we know many of the same people...I advised Richard Ganz to go to Westminster...He studied under Van Til and begins to tell us stories about him:
One: Students, I have just two requirements for essays you write for me. First, they must be good. Second, they must be long...But Sir, what is long?...I once had a student who received an A for a ten-page paper........And if you think you can do as well as Johnny Frame...........
Two: D---S------- is going to play a trick on Van Til. He knows he never really reads those long papers. In the middle of his essay, he puts the following sentence. If you read this, I will buy you a chocolate ice cream cone - then goes on. He hands it in, and Van Til decides to mark it on the spot. He shuffles through the pages at a superhuman rate, writes something, hands it back, and goes off to his next class. So does D S. When he eventually decides to look at his grade, it is the comment he notices: I prefer strawberry.
Three: Professor Van Til has retired. D S, now working at a bookstore to earn college funds, is surprised when he comes in to buy children's books. Van Til and his wife have no children, no grandchildren...Yet he is buying Mother Goose, fairy tales, children's stories of all types. Eventually, he decides to ask, why? Why are you buying these?...When my wife and I were young, there weren't such stories for us. During my teaching years I did not have the time to read them. Now my wife and I sit together at night and we take turns reading them out loud.
Four: Professor Van Til is old. He no longer has the mental ability he did while younger. People still want to meet him, but they are told not to tax him too much. Yet on this evening, someone does. He is asked a difficult theological problem. He says: If you look in my book ----------- on page --you will find the answer to that. I can no longer give it. He is not embarrassed or defensive. At the end of the evening, he wants to pray. And he prays for each of the thirty young men he has just met by name, and by country...
We love his stories, but they are discontinued as the Chattanooga Symphony begins its program - national anthem, of course, as jets fly over, then Sousa marches and songs from old musicals. A black soprano sings "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess. Breathtaking! As I listen, I continue to watch the crowds. I can't even begin to estimate how many people there are. I hear quotes of 50,00 to 150,000! Next, a bluegrass band takes the stage for several numbers. We are in the south, and their reception is warmer than that for the orchestra, though both are appreciated. Hope they don't mind!...At quarter to ten, the fireworks begin. Color and light and - sound! I wonder whether vets can sit through them...and those with heart arhythmias. How do they handle this? The vibration is incredible! Still, they are marvelous and we all - from the oldest to the youngest - have happy smiles and shining eyes as we watch.
As the evening ends, we are in a prime position to get over the bridge and back to the parking lot quickly. What a coup! What more could I ask for?... "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy." ... True. And this day has been a much-needed one day holiday for both of us.
We finish our drinks and leave, meandering down Broad Street toward the aquarium. As always, there are children everywhere, playing in the interconnecting streams that surround the building. No buskers, though. Wonder where they are. Have they been tidied up, too? Hope not. A town can be only so orderly before it sacrifices character, though know there is a fine balance...We head across the bridge and see that already people are beginning to collect in the park, though festivities will not begin for a few hours. I begin to panic. We have got to get down there, claim our spot. Again, Dad restrains me. I'm not going to sit there for hours. I want to go and get dinner at Big River. Yikes. This is hard for me. I control myself and we wander through a few stores. As we head down toward the river, I see the old Greyfriars regulars sitting at a newly-opened coffee shop. So that is where they have migrated! We stop by the carousel to watch the children play for a minute or two, then walk through Coolidge. I get more and more nervous with the people steadily coming through with their lawn chairs and grills. They have staked out their position and I can't. This is truly terrible. Soon, it is time to cross back over to the other side of the river on the walking bridge. This is where Dad decides he wants to set up for the concert and fireworks. I am not so sure. I want to be closer to the stage. I give way, and send Dad and Andrew back to the car for our lawn chairs so we can claim our bit of bridge! I idle over to a man already settled in and chat while I wait. He says he sits there every year, and it is a great location. He also promises to guard our chairs while we go for dinner. Hooray! Mission accomplished! Now I can relax and enjoy the rest of the day.
We have an early dinner at Big River, then wend our way back to the bridge. We, of course, have a grand view of the park underneath us. It is filling up, as people enter in a steady stream. First, there are distinct clusters, but soon a sea of folks of all ages. Funny, there are hardly any black people at all. What do they do on July 4th? Do they celebrate the beginning of their nation at all? Don't know....Strings of balloons - red, white and blue - stretch high into the sky. Finally, one too many is attached, and the whole string floats up into the sky. Fun to see how long I can keep an eye on them...Boats, yachts are beginning to fill the Tennessee River adjacent to the park...Eventually, our section of the bridge - the whole thing, for that matter - becomes crowded. People everywhere. I try not to think of the structural issues which prevent it from carrying vehicular traffic. (How much do all these people weigh, relative to cars and trucks?) We turn our lawn chairs around to avoid the sun as it gets lower in the sky and begins to shine in our eyes. A man comes by and asks whether he can set up his chairs right behind us...Of course. My name is D--- S------- and I am an adjunct professor at Covenant College. We chat and quickly realize we know many of the same people...I advised Richard Ganz to go to Westminster...He studied under Van Til and begins to tell us stories about him:
One: Students, I have just two requirements for essays you write for me. First, they must be good. Second, they must be long...But Sir, what is long?...I once had a student who received an A for a ten-page paper........And if you think you can do as well as Johnny Frame...........
Two: D---S------- is going to play a trick on Van Til. He knows he never really reads those long papers. In the middle of his essay, he puts the following sentence. If you read this, I will buy you a chocolate ice cream cone - then goes on. He hands it in, and Van Til decides to mark it on the spot. He shuffles through the pages at a superhuman rate, writes something, hands it back, and goes off to his next class. So does D S. When he eventually decides to look at his grade, it is the comment he notices: I prefer strawberry.
Three: Professor Van Til has retired. D S, now working at a bookstore to earn college funds, is surprised when he comes in to buy children's books. Van Til and his wife have no children, no grandchildren...Yet he is buying Mother Goose, fairy tales, children's stories of all types. Eventually, he decides to ask, why? Why are you buying these?...When my wife and I were young, there weren't such stories for us. During my teaching years I did not have the time to read them. Now my wife and I sit together at night and we take turns reading them out loud.
Four: Professor Van Til is old. He no longer has the mental ability he did while younger. People still want to meet him, but they are told not to tax him too much. Yet on this evening, someone does. He is asked a difficult theological problem. He says: If you look in my book ----------- on page --you will find the answer to that. I can no longer give it. He is not embarrassed or defensive. At the end of the evening, he wants to pray. And he prays for each of the thirty young men he has just met by name, and by country...
We love his stories, but they are discontinued as the Chattanooga Symphony begins its program - national anthem, of course, as jets fly over, then Sousa marches and songs from old musicals. A black soprano sings "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess. Breathtaking! As I listen, I continue to watch the crowds. I can't even begin to estimate how many people there are. I hear quotes of 50,00 to 150,000! Next, a bluegrass band takes the stage for several numbers. We are in the south, and their reception is warmer than that for the orchestra, though both are appreciated. Hope they don't mind!...At quarter to ten, the fireworks begin. Color and light and - sound! I wonder whether vets can sit through them...and those with heart arhythmias. How do they handle this? The vibration is incredible! Still, they are marvelous and we all - from the oldest to the youngest - have happy smiles and shining eyes as we watch.
As the evening ends, we are in a prime position to get over the bridge and back to the parking lot quickly. What a coup! What more could I ask for?... "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy." ... True. And this day has been a much-needed one day holiday for both of us.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
July 1
Happy Canada Day, Tim and Aileen! We are thinking of you - hoping you are doing something special today...I have a couple of good pieces of news to share with you.First, Andrew is now being trained for his new position. It seems his (female) boss is sensitive to him. He reported yesterday that, for the time being, she is having him work only half days so he won't become overwhelmed with the new data and responsibilities. Pray that he will be clear-headed and able to understand the material well, then act on it efficiently...Next, Dad met a fellow in our old area of East Cobb who seems to want to work with him, collaboratively, on certain projects. This could, of course, be a wonderful opportunity, so keep it in prayer...We had a good weekend with Pat and Maryanne's children. They were mostly very well-behaved but did have to act stern a couple of times. Absolutely hate doing it...Never thought twice about it with you guys, but my grandchildren? A whole different story!...Something I thought you northerners would get a kick out of. After swimming, Anna and Josh sometimes drive themselves back in their little jeep. Maryanne says there are often a few of these little cars parked alongside the real thing! Isn't that hilarious?
A couple of interesting quotes from the wonderful Truman biography Tim sent us:...
The man who insists on seeing all sides of (a question) often can't make up his mind where to take hold...Without any disparagement, that was never a problem for Mr. Truman. He wanted all the facts he could get before he made his mind up. But if he could get only 80% of the facts in the time available, he he didn't let the missing 20% tie him up in indecision. He believed that even a wrong decision was better than no decision at all. And when he made up his mind that was it...
The loyalty of those around Truman was total and would never falter. In years to come not one member of the Truman White House would ever speak or write scathingly of him or belittle him in any fashion. There would be no vindictive "inside" books or articles written about this President by those who worked closest to him. They all thought the world of Harry Truman then and for the rest of their lives, and would welcome the chance to say so.
Looking at Truman, Churchill said slowly,"the last time you and I sat across the conference table was at Potsdam, Mr. President." Truman nodded..."I must confess, Sir," Churchill went on, "I held you in very low regard then. I loathed your taking the place of Franklin Roosevelt." He paused. "I misjudged you badly. Since that time, you more than any other man, have saved western civilization."
A couple of interesting quotes from the wonderful Truman biography Tim sent us:...
The man who insists on seeing all sides of (a question) often can't make up his mind where to take hold...Without any disparagement, that was never a problem for Mr. Truman. He wanted all the facts he could get before he made his mind up. But if he could get only 80% of the facts in the time available, he he didn't let the missing 20% tie him up in indecision. He believed that even a wrong decision was better than no decision at all. And when he made up his mind that was it...
The loyalty of those around Truman was total and would never falter. In years to come not one member of the Truman White House would ever speak or write scathingly of him or belittle him in any fashion. There would be no vindictive "inside" books or articles written about this President by those who worked closest to him. They all thought the world of Harry Truman then and for the rest of their lives, and would welcome the chance to say so.
Looking at Truman, Churchill said slowly,"the last time you and I sat across the conference table was at Potsdam, Mr. President." Truman nodded..."I must confess, Sir," Churchill went on, "I held you in very low regard then. I loathed your taking the place of Franklin Roosevelt." He paused. "I misjudged you badly. Since that time, you more than any other man, have saved western civilization."
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