As you guys know, my chief concern as a non-Christian became my own evil. I was so aware of my wickedness, eventually not even being able to look in a mirror and meet my own gaze I was so frightened by my eyes....Wearing a big hat, always, to shield me from the gaze of others...And the nail in the coffin was the typical response I got when voicing these convictions: You are a good person. People are good...
Then came the night I was converted, after hearing that God agreed with my self-assessment and that ----there was a solution!!! What???!!!---The first thing I thought post-conversion was, I've always known this...and on some sublimated, subterranean level I had. The second thought was, I've been lied to all my life...By others, and by myself...Others, as they tried to convince me, and themselves, people are good...That reality is horizontal...That man is the measure....Myself, as I would have died for the concept that, at the very least, you become wiser through life's experiences, that you are, in some sense, spiralling upward in your understanding as you mature...But as the merest infant in Christ, I recognized instantaneously I had just been going in circles.
And the holy anger this brought. And the determination never to be lied to again about the nature of reality...To love and enjoy my mind, but to never let it be circumscribed by anything but Scripture...To live by the reality that external truth in Scripture was the only anchor to reality - "true truth", as Schaeffer said...I had been living in, imbibing, often promoting, propagandized by "lies, all of the devils wicked lies"... "I WAS LIED TO ', but you showed the truth, for you are the truth."...Never again! With God's help, never again!
God be in my head
And in my understanding.
God be in my eyes
And in my looking.
God be in my mouth
And in my speaking.
God be in my heart
And in my thinking.
God be in my end
And in my departing.
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3 comments:
Wow...beautiful! Even as a Christian, there have been a few times in my life where I have been frightened by my eyes when I have been really living in willful sin and have known it and am aware it is affecting every part of me.
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